Post # 1
So this whole DMER thing or whatever it is… it stinks! It started before I even had my baby. About a week before delivery I started getting a homesick type feeling that would last 30 seconds amd go away, no big deal. Once I started BFing it was happening frequently with painful nipples following the homesick feeling. The pain is gone as well as the home sick feeling and instead now its this deep urge to cry and scream when the let down happens. It happens every five minutes or so when I BF and lasts lesd than a minute but its such an intense feeling.
I’m still only partially BF because my supply isn’t enough for my growing baby but I don’t want to give up. In between the let down feelings I truly do feel like it is creating a closer bond. I didn’t have that with my first. I do have a tight bond with her now but it took longer to develop. Not to mention my baby gets cranky if I just give her formula without BF.
Are there any tips or suggestions to deal with the unpleasantries of the let down? I’m a mellow relaxed person so this feeling is really getting to me.
Post # 2
The let down reflex should be a relaxing, pleasant feeling. I mean, it feels like getting ‘titty-punched’ but emotionally I think it’s supposed to be pleasant. I would definitely seek the advice of a midwife or lactation consultant and see if there’s something else impeding those happy feelings. I ended up EPing so I didn’t have a particularly emotional attachment to my pump, so there were no real emotions related to my let down. It was just mechanical. Sorry I don’t have any advice other than to investigate why you’re feeling the way you are with a breastfeeding professional.
Post # 3
FWIW, the letdown reflex doesn’t always come with emotional warm fuzzies – if you can get to where you’re at least not feeling the urge to cry and scream, count that as a success and don’t worry if you don’t feel all warm and gooey. I’ve been successfully BF since LO was born, about 6 months now, and I haven’t really felt surges of emotional warmth with my letdown. Physically, mine feels like pressure, and it is kind of painful. Emotionally, I’d say it’s pretty neutral.
Post # 4
Mrslovebug: I use kellymom site for most of my breastfeeding questions and they have a page with some links for dmer that might help. I tried to post the link but my phone is giving me issues. Most of the accounts I’ve read mention it happens less often as time goes by, so hopefully that happens for you. In the meantime could you “treat” yourself when you start nursing to distract from the unpleasant feeling? Save a favorite cookie, candy or something that you can focus on “mmmm I love this ____” instead of the negative feeling. I hope things get better soon!
DaneLady: the op mentioned she has DMER which is dysmorphic milk ejaculation reflex and means that mom experiences sad/negative feelings with let down. I hadn’t heard of it either until a friend had issues with it last year.
Post # 5
KCKnd2: This is actually kind of comforting to read! Since I missed out on any positive emotions associated with let down or breastfeeding in general, I worry a little about how it will play out once LO is born. I’m definitely going to try nursing at home & pumping at work, instead of pumping all the time, so I won’t stress if I don’t get that relaxing feeling I keep hearing about. Thanks 🙂
ETA- Nikki, thanks for clarifying! My pregnancy brain situation got my acronyms mixed up & I didn’t recognize DMER. Derp.
Post # 6
I don’t think this is the same thing you’re describing, but I used to get nauseated every time I would have a let down. Luckily, it has gone away over time, and is now a more relaxing experience.
Post # 7
DaneLady: No problem – happy to help! Some women definitely do feel a lot of warm emotions while breastfeeding (it does cause prolactin to surge), but it doesn’t always manifest that way and it doesn’t mean anything is wrong. I definitely felt warm and happy the first time LO attached right after birth (mostly because I was relieved it seemed to be working okay! I’d heard so much about breastfeeding difficulties, and was happy that we didn’t seem to have any), and it’s gone pretty smoothly ever since, and I definitely have a good, loving relationship with LO – but for me the surges of emotion happen more at other times than during breastfeeding. Just one of those ways that every mom-baby pair is a little different from all the others.
Post # 8
Mrslovebug: how old is baby? my letdown has gotten much less intense over time.
Edit – nvm I thought you meant scream and cry because of painful letdown, not an emotional reaction. I don’t know much about dmer but I hope you feel better soon and are able to enjoy bf! 🙂