Post # 1
I had a good friend in college and we now live about 2 hours apart. I used to be so comfortable with her and now it’s awkward whenever we do get together (at least, the first 10-20 minutes are good with catching up and excitement – the rest is awkward).
I know it’s hard to stay in touch but I try to text her and I don’t often hear back. I know some people aren’t texters but I was telling SO I know she texts because once we were walking and she was more interested in texting this guy than talking to me. SO said maybe she isn’t that good a friend if that’s how she was acting. She did come to my birthday party this year though. We see each other 3-4 times a year.
I see her posts on facebook about how she doesn’t have any friends and it’s a weird thing to post. Obviously your “friends” will see it. I don’t know how to feel considering she doesn’t seem to want me as her friend. I feel like at this point we’re each friends with the memory of how the other one was. It makes me sad.
Edit: I realized it may be relevant, we have been graduated for 6 years now, it has been 4 years since we lived close to each other.
Post # 3
I feel like during your 20s, any time after college (or high school really) there is going to be a time when friendships fade. Not all friendships, but some. I had really good friends from college and high school that I do not even speak to any more, at 30. As life gets “real” people do break away. It’s sometimes very natural, and not anything that you can put blame on – either on yourself or on the person. Sometimes it just happens.
That isn’t to say it isn’t sad when you were once close. I can sympathize with that. But it sounds like you are doing all you can do. I wouldn’t do anymore in this case. You see each other, you catch up as best as you can. And if that eventually fades out, that is okay too. If this were your “greatest, best” friend in the whole world, obviously I’d suggest more effort, but to me it just seems a natural progression that sometimes happens.
Life is funny too. She may just be in a “funk” and in 5 years you may be much closer again. I had a friend who I lost track of after college and three years after graduation we got closer than we ever were and now she’s a very good friend. You just never know where life will take you.
Best of luck!
Post # 4
@KLC216: Thank you for your considerate response. I think you’re right that she’s having her own issues (and of course I guess I am too).
Post # 5
@LucyLaLa: if you enjoyed her friendship (it it’s current state), I’d have different advice for you… but since it doesn’t sound all that enjoyable and is difficult, I would not make any more effort and let it fade. If she reaches out to you and you desire to connect with her, make the effort and perhaps give it a go. But, my guess is, the friendship will likely fizzle out. Personally, I’d want to pour my energy into mutually satsifying relationships or investing in new ones.
Good luck! I know it’s hard when friendships change and grow distant.
Post # 6
@oracle: Thanks & well said.
Post # 7
Have you tried to talk to her about this? Did you keep in touch while you weren’t living in the same place? How did that go? To me, if you were once close, it’d be worth trying to talk to her about what’s going on and how you’re feeling. Maybe she’s feeling the same way…maybe she thinks everything is fine. In any case, with any relationship it is important to have clear and honest communication about what’s going on.
Now if it’s a thing where you have nothing in common anymore, that’s different and maybe then you should just stop reaching out.
Post # 8
I would let it fade. If she doesn’t seem as interested and things are awkward when you’re together – I wouldn’t waste your time.
Post # 9
I was recently in this situation and I can say with all honesty is that the healthiest thing you can do for both of you is to stop reaching out so much. A friendship is a two way street and if one person is doing all the communicating and heavy lifting it isn’t a healthy relationship.
It is hard to let go of someone, especially a person that we have history with, but sometimes it is necessary. It was hard for me at first (her and her parents came to my wedding) but since then I have accepted my decision and haven’t regretted it one bit. She has made no attempts to salvage the relationship or communicate more so my decision was the right one to make.
Best of luck with whatever you decide.