(Closed) Let her go?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Ooh that is a hard one. I’ve always heard how against etiquette it is to ‘unask’ a bridesmaid, but if she is obviously avoiding you, you may need to ask her point blank – can you do this/do you want to do this or not. If she doesn’t respond by a certain date/time, I’d say you probably need to ask her to come as a guest and not as a BM.

Just my 2 cents.

-Bella

Post # 4
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Eh… I don’t. I think that for me to cut a girl out of my wedding, she would have to like, sleep with my groom, set my dress on fire, be called away on an expedition to the Antarctic.

I think if there is any chance of you being friends with this girl or her mother in the future, you should try to work it out and understand that she wlll have a minimal role in the wedding.

Post # 5
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Hmm I would.  I would first try to ask her if she still wants to be a BM?  And if maybe a few weeks of no response, then you should maybe cut her.

And then if you have her mailing address, send her a card saying you’ve tried and tired to contact her but since she hasn’t been responsive, you will kindly like to have someone else be a BM for you.

It’s tough!  But best of luck  🙂

Post # 6
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

Are you actually friends with her?  It sounds so odd that she is completetly avoiding all contact (not just wedding related) with you.

Post # 9
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

Why is she being so crazy!  Maybe approach her about non-wedding stuff for a while.  It sounds like something else is going on….jealousy? insecurity?

Post # 11
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

Hmm … well, I think you totally can cut her. I think it will effectively end your friendship (or lack thereof), and possibly create some bad feelings between your families since it sounds like your families are friends. So, I guess you should decide if all that is worth having her out of the wedding. If it is, go for it. You should be surrounded by people you care about on your wedding day nad who care about you. Not people that make you think, “Why are we friends?”

Post # 12
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

That’s a hard one.  Maybetry one more time (leave amessage, write an e-mail)… however you can let her know, you want to talk to her about her interest in still bein a BM.  Ifyou get no response, maybe talk to her mom, since that seems to be your best luck these days.  Tell her how much trouble you’re having getting ahold of her, and that you need to talk to her about being in the wedding from this point forward, bf or not.  If, through mom she doens’t get in touch with you, I’d step it up to let her know, if she doesn’t get in touch with you, she’s out.

Hopefully, it won’t come to that.  When she does get in touch, just be honest and straightforward.  Ask her what’s going on, that she is so hard to get a hold of.  Tell her you need to be able to contact her with much less effort.  If she’s jealous or uncomfortable, offer to not talk about the wedding other than the essentials.  If it’s finances have a plan ahead of time as to what, if anything you’d be willing to offer to offset her costs.

But other than that, is it possible to just leave these messages with her mom, and see how it pans out?  Ie, “Tell her we’re at _____ tomorrow to try on dresses at 1pm.”  If she doesn’t show, “Tell her we’re ordering style number XXX.  She needs to have it ordered by Oct. 1st.”  At one of these points, if she drops the ball she can’t be in the wedding.  (And I’m not saying it has to come acoss like a bridezilla.  It’s simply fact that if she doesn’t have her dress, she can’t walk down the aisle.) It kind of sounds like she’s not going to put in the needed work to pull this off.  I wouldn’t be surprised if she says she’ll go, or order on time, and just never does.

Post # 13
Member
990 posts
Busy bee

I would definitely try leaving one more message for her (maybe using several ways of communication?) and asking her if she still wants to be a BM. Explain to her how important it is to you to know soon and how much you would like her to be in your wedding.

If you still get no response – I would send one last message asking her to only come as a guest.

Post # 14
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m with texaslawgirl, it would take a LOT for me to cut a BM.  What do you need to talk to her about this far out from the wedding?  The dress?  Anything else? 

Everybody gets a bit self-centered when they start dating someone new and I don’t think thats a good reason to end a friendship.

If I were you I would just keep her informed of what she needs to know and leave it at that.  For example, let her know when you are going with the BMs to pick out dresses.  If she doesn’t show up, pick one without her opinion.  Give her the dress information and if she doesn’t buy it, she’s not in the wedding.  Let her exclude herself if she wants.

Post # 15
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

just leave it at that dont contact her no more and if she contacts you tell her she is out

 

Post # 16
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree that you should ask her point blank how SHE feels. It seems that she may be avoiding you because she may not feel up to the responsibility – or maybe she’s changed her mind or something. I don’t think you should cut her without giving her a chance. 

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