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oracle. I'm going to have the same problem. I would be very diplomatic and I would call your second cousin. Tell him/her the reasons why you are not inviting other children but you would love to see (invited people) there. Then, if it's a destination wedding or something of the like, mention any sitting services you have thought of or considered for the day so the parents can go and have fun and not have to hunt for someone to watch their child.
We're only inviting my Fi's sister's kids. But we're offering sitter services (not paying for them.) Just helping them find them.
Good luck. I'm thinking of you!!! :)
I am seriously thinking about having a no Kid wedding because after 150 guest I have to pay 70 per person whether they are 5 or 50.
I know I am going to offend some people and I am really scared but (the brat comes out) its my wedding we are paying for it and i dont want a bunch of kids running around like crazy bananas!!!
@Edina:HAHA
I really cant wait for people to ask me if their kids are invited! I will ask was their name on the invite?
Aw man, I feel your pain! I also have a 2nd cousin trying to force us to invite her kids! It's like heeellloooo, those would be our 3rd cousins my God where does it end?? She told my mom that if she can't bring her kids then her mom, who is my 1st cousin & who I actually want there, would have to watch them & wouldn't be able to come. Ahhh, don't you just love family? They are so very considerate!
Ouch, that's rough. I kind of know what you're going through - we are not inviting cousins, however, one of FH's cousins IS his god-daughter. So, we made the exception for her and her husband (and their child). I think, where this child is your god-daughter, others would not be offended if you allowed her there.
OH! For those of you considering it. Oracle did it by inserting the number of invitees who would attend. I wrote the names of the invitees on the inner envelope - yes, we did inner envelopes. Outside was Mr and Mrs John Smith. Inside was John and Sarah. I figure they'll get the drift. If you get an RSVP back with more than the invited amount, CALL THEM and discuss it and explain your reasons. My reason? Our chapel only holds 80ppl!! Plus, the cost. :)
I'm going to have the same problem but with family members. My FI's family is huge! and I just don't feel comfortable inviting a 4th cousin that I have never met and lives in a different country.
Best of luck!
One of FI's cousins declined attending our wedding and included a note that said that their children were their "indebted blessings" that they could not be away from for even one night. They also mentioned that "when we have children we will behold the true meaning of life." All you can do is laugh it off and hold your ground. It's your wedding, not anyone elses!
@jaylii9: Lol, I remember that story. Those people were a trip. You've got the perfect attitude towards it. I wish I had laughed off more things while I was planning. Hindsight's 20/20 and all that...
@jaylii9: Wow! That's insane!
I say its your darn wedding do what you want. If they have a problem then they can decline. It drives me nuts that people think you are obligated to invite their children. Why can't people just understand and get a sitter. Ugh so annoying. I got lucky but I feel bad for those of you who have to go through this!
Good luck!!
I'm having a no-kids wedding as well and the drama is only just beginning for me too.
Don't you just love how people turn into crazy psychos when it comes to these things? It's nuts...
@Edina: Yeah, I was upset at first and my FI asked me "what does indebted blessing even mean?!" We just looked at each other and started laughing. I wish I could be less uptight about certain aspects of wedding planning as well though!
@Ducks35: Actually.. they would be your 2nd cousins once removed : )
@oracle: I suggest you just call your cousin and let him know the deal. He obviously has been married himself and will probably totally understand your reasoning for only inviting neices and nephews. If he is from out of town offer to help him set up babysitting for the children during the wedding.
It's crazy how personal people take these things. You would think that people would appreciate one grown up night away from the kids to relax with friends and family. Oh well. My family is from out of state and I'm not having kids at my wedding either. It’s hard to tell someone that they can't bring their kids even know they flew 1/2 way across the country but you have to draw the line somewhere. Offering babysitting services is a great idea. Too bad so sad
@jillocb: ours was the same reason - chapel only seats 120, and the cost goes up. we also did the ____ reserved in your honor thing with the RSVPs and recently had a person with a problem with it. mostly my mom's fault because she was supposed to speak to them before hand, and she lied and told me she had when she didnt really do it. i blew up at her for lying to me, and we are on one word speaking terms right now.
when i say no kids i mean no kids. thats anyone under 18. and since its open bar, sorry 18-21 year olds.
thats the rules.
but yeah, buckle up it gets worse.
I just called back my sister to explain our reasoning to her. I was pretty short with her on the phone the first time.
She went on to say how as a parent she could understand why it would be hurtful to not be able to include your child at a wedding. (Thanks, sis, way to make it worse). I went on to say how I talked to several parents who all told me they'd enjoy a night to themselves. She then tried to argue the point - saying, well - maybe it's just the kids that have a relationship with the bride and groom that would care. I told her that FI and I personally know 75% of our friends kids and that wasn't what it was about.
I guess that's all to say - I fully know I'm not going to change anyone's mind on this point. People have an opinion on what's right or wrong in these situations and what they'd like you to do.... and I guess that's that!
My sister already called my cousin back - but I plan to call him as well. He lives in town and his wife's family takes care of their daughter all the time - so I'm sure that childcare isn't an issue. He recently posted some FB pics of another wedding where his daughter wast he flower girl - so, I'm thinking he just figured she'd be included - since she's family... so, I DO understand the surprise/disappointment in her not being included.
Kids or No kids, I've come to realize that it doesn't matter if they are allowed or not, you will always offend someone when it comes to inviting.
It sucks but it happens and people will get over it. You just have to remember not to let it get to you or take it personally! You cant invite everyone and their brothers kids too!
Good luck with all the "what"? responses from people when you say no kids. Just leave it at a simple "no kids", don't feel like you need to explain. I said, no, we didn't invite kids, if that changes your rsvp, please notify us accordingly. Good luck!
@Mrs.MedinaJr: This is the same issue we're facing. We'll probably have about 150 guests as it is, not including kids. At about $55 a head it adds up! There are no kids on my side, but FI's family has a ton of kids. Since it's his family that'll possibly be offended if we don't include kids, I'm leaving the decision up to him. But I'm hoping for no kids simply to cut back on cost and possible other distractions.
Does it make me a horrible person that I am sitting here thinking that if I have a kid, I will most likely be LEAPING at the chance to ditch 'em for a night at a wedding?
@Edina: Couldn't have said it better myself.
And why the hell do these parents seem to think their freakin' four year will enjoy sitting through a wedding? That is what really gets me.
Thought this was funny! :)
wed_37.jpg (79.9 KB, 35 downloads) 1 year old
Let's see. the grandchildren of your first cousin are your first cousins, twice removed, I think, not your third cousins. The complainer with the kids in the original story is your first cousin, once removed.
See, I'm sure you all have much more finely honed etiquette skills than I do. If the problem persisted I would sweetly tell the people that their children may certainly attend, so long as they are willing to pay $70 (or whatever the price per head is) each. This is however not a recommended solution and Ms.Manners most definitely does NOT approve.
I have just caved to the children and am planning on haggling over cost with the venue. But my case is different because most of my friends have already decided that sitters are in order so policing them is mostly unnecessary. I am not suggesting in any way shape or form that you should follow my lead. ;)
ugh i've been dealing with this for the past couple of weeks, aunts/uncles filling in a number instead of checking off their "X" on the accepts line... when clearly we addressed it to the two invited members!
we had one aunt who wrote in the number 6! her, her hubby, her daughter, her son (who's in our bridal party) AND TWO DATES FOR THEM! yea, we said no to "+ ones" for anyone not serious, or our teenage cousins.
Oh goodness.. I have really mixed feelings about the no-kids wedding issue. I REALLY did NOT want kids at my wedding. But our siblings all have kids and they were all invited to my sisters wedding 6 months before ours. So we caved. And one of them screamed through our entire ceremony and the others took over the dance floor during our first dance. I was so pissed (and still kind of am), I mean their parents made NO attempt to monitor the situation at any point. Kids are so entitled nowadays.
missjyc BLESS YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE! 6 RSVP's for a 2-person invite? People are insane and completely inconsiderate.
I just started dealing with this 'offending' issue yesterday when a cousin in FI's ENORMOUS family (we're talking 16 aunts and uncles, all with a million kids) took the liberty to add two more to their RSVP, when we didn't put 'and family' or kids names for a reason.
When I talked to FMIL her response was, 'Well even if i tell them that it's an adults only reception, they'll probably bring them anyway?' She went on to say that we should expect to have some people (no one in particular, just randoms) in their far-reaching family that weren't invited show up, too, because they're just 'like' that.
Are you kidding?! Handle the situation or I will be more than happy to. Apparently, this is what everyone talks about when they talk about in-law issues. I HAD NO IDEA.
@jaylii9: i laughed so hard at that post when it was originally put up that when i was doing my blog entry about not having kids at or in the wedding i titled it "indebted blessings" HA!
My highschool friend asked if her whole family was invited. She was barely invited. Ugh.
Ugh. I have been through this and it was nasty. We had so much drama over it. My 17 year old cousin who wasn't invited (and I don't ever see) had a major problem and bashed me on facebook. What can ya do?!
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My invites went out and were received yesterday.
There are no kids invited, except FI and my siblings kids.
I addressed the invites: Mr. and Mrs. John Smith... I then had a line on the RSVP card that said ____ seats reserved in your honor. I filled in a 2 for the couples.
My sister just called me saying that a 2nd cousin called wasn't sure if his daughter was invited. Really?! Then, she proceeds to tell me that he asked if kids were going to be there - and, get this, SHE SAID YES.
I almost loped off her head. I guess I should have handled it better.
I told her - NO - kids are NOT invited. The only kids invited are our siblings. And she said - oh... like she was going to tell me that I should rethink this kid (his daughter is my god-daughter - trust me, I've THOUGHT about it - I actually would want her there - but it's not fair to the FI's cousins kids he wants there).
Anyway... all that to say... the offending season has officially opened for me!