Let's talk about our friendships.

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Tell us about your friendships.
    My spouse is my best friend. : (119 votes)
    29 %
    My best friend (not my spouse) is the same gender as me. : (71 votes)
    18 %
    My best friend (not my spouse) is the opposite gender from me. : (9 votes)
    2 %
    My best friend is a family member. : (17 votes)
    4 %
    I don't have a best friend, but a strong group of friends. : (19 votes)
    5 %
    Our closest friends are other couples. : (16 votes)
    4 %
    I am satisfied with the friends I have. : (73 votes)
    18 %
    I know I need more friends, don't know how to make them! : (53 votes)
    13 %
    I am activiely making new friends. : (27 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @remijp:  I will probably get flamed for this, but friendship doesn’t play an important role in our lives. My FI is my best friend, and our closest friends are other couples. The system we have in place works for us and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    Honestly, our lives are so busy that I can’t imagine finding the time to have an active social life outside of my marriage and family. I have no idea how folks do it and I wouldn’t do it for fear of overextending myself. We see people when we have time to.

    Also, I have 4 siblings who we are super close with – they take up a lot of our “free” time, which is the time left after we have done everything we want to do as a couple. Between my crazy family and the few couples that we see regularly, that’s enough, lol.

    Post # 4
    Member
    6507 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I’m the type of person that thinks you can have more than one best friend. I have a few and they are all very different people. Outside of them I have a mostly acquaintances who I enjoy hanging out with but would not necessarily confide in. As I work in a male dominated career, I have quite a few make acquaintances, however, the only male BFF I have is my DH. I’m very satisfied with my circle of friends.

    Post # 7
    Member
    8720 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    These days spouses come and go in many cases so I believe that having at least one good friend is necessary. I have a group of close friends and I cannot imagine my life without them. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @sunkissed19:  We are close in age and get along great. My FI counts my brothers as his closest friends and I love that 🙂

    @remijp:  I wish we had more time but we don’t. I can’t see that improving after we have kids, lol. I do have a few gals I talk who I keep in contact with and when we do find time to get together, it’s like no time has passed at all. But on a regular basis, we see the fam and a few other couples.

    Post # 9
    Member
    4576 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @MrsPanda99:  +1

    @remijp:  BF had a HUGE group of friends when we started dating, easily 20 people. They had all known him for 10-20 years and they always all did everything together…and when we started dating, the females in the group decided they didn’t want us to be. BF tried appealing to their boyfriends (the guys in the group), but their hands were tied and said that as much as they liked me, they had to side with their Gfs/wives/FIs.

    I have always been incredibly selective about friends, but after that incident, BF has learned that less is more and quality is better than quantity.

    I can count our friends on one hand now, and that’s really all we need. Our relationship was just fine before we made those ones, when it was just us two.

    ETA: I’d like to add that these charming folks were all over the age of 30.

    Post # 10
    Member
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @gelaine22:  I can understand your point, but I don’t view my FI as disposible. I am happy to dedicate my energy into making our relationship strong. For me, friends are easy to make. There are plenty of folks at work, in groups you can join, etc. I’m not fussed about friends at all because my relationship is my number one priority and takes up most of my time outside of work 🙂

    If you do lose your spouse, it’s easy enough to meet friends. If you lose your life partner, he’s not so easy to replace (at least in my books).

    Post # 11
    Member
    3077 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I have 2 best friends, both female. My SO is also my best friend. All 3 of them help me and satisfy different roles for me. I could certainly use more friends, I only have like 2 non “best” friends but I’m pretty satisfied overall. I don’t feel the need to go out of my way to make friends right now. Once we move and figure out where we’re gonna live and settle down, I’ll actively try to get out there and meet some people….though I worry I won’t know how to make friends by then, as I’m already quite rusty!

    Post # 12
    Member
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @badabing88:  That’s exactly it. I would take quality over quantity any day. The few couples who we do see are always there for us. I know that I could call any one of them at any time and know that they would be there when we need them. I’d take that over 20+ acquanitances any day. My FI was very similar with a group of friends that he had before we met, and those friendships ended for very similar reasons. It’s unfortunate, but friendships either adapt to life changes or they end. Like you said, we were just fine on our own and we are no better or worse for having some people to hang out with now.

    Post # 13
    Member
    7281 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    Mr. Lk is clearly my best friend. But I also have 2 really close girlfriends who would drop anything to be by my side if I needed them to, and several other good friends who I can turn to for support (and vice versa).  While we tend to all socialize as a group complete with kids and spouses, we also have quarterly ladies only nights that I always look forward to.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2571 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    FI and I are mostly just us… We have some aquaintances we see a couple times a month.  I have friends back home but obviously don’t see them more than a couple times a year.

    Post # 15
    Member
    5932 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    Mr.  99 is my best friend, then there’s my mom….I have a handful of friends, varying genders that I see regularly, but I honestly don’t think they know me as well as my husband and my mom do…..oh, and I have this one friend…sister….muse….she’s a little hard to define, but I’d be lost without her and its funny because I’ve never even heard her voice.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1373 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    My man is my number one person and I absolutely consider him my best friend but I have a couple girl friends that are besties too. One from high school, she lives a 12 hour drive away now but we still talk frequently. And another girl I met a couple years ago who I absolutely treasure (and it is very rare for me to find women that I relate well to) They are my friends that I talk to “girl” things about. NOT my relationship though!! For a couple reasons. 1) because a relation”ship’ starts to sink when you start adding people and 2) because you should never EVER speak ill of your person to your friends!! They do not know and love him like you do and it only taints their view of the person you love; something we should never do!

    So yes, I definitely have other friends, but not for my relationship.. for me! My relationship is still my priority as far as friendships go but a girl has to take care of herself too!

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