- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2010
As many of you know, wedding planning has been an absolute nightmare in terms of seeing people’s true colors. It’s been an emotional, painful, horrible time for Fiance and me, and somehow here we are 12 days away from our wedding day… and stronger for it?
First there was the bridesmaid fiasco – asking my best friend of 17 years to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, only to have that position declined… but she did say she’d be a bridesmaid, so I was thrilled just to have her as a part of my day.
Then there were those who were upset that they WEREN’T bridesmaids… Future Sister-In-Law, FCousinIL… that turned into nasty things being said behind Fiance and my backs, heated arguments, drunk dials in the middle of the night with nothing nice to say to us… Then came the uncomfortable conversation with Future Sister-In-Law when we added FI’s cousin’s wife as a bridesmaid – we wanted Future Sister-In-Law to hear it from us, since we were not extended that courtesy the first time around – FCousinIL made certain of that. More nasty things said behind our backs, more tension, more uncomfortable encounters.
Then came my bridesmaid friend of 17 years emailing me to back out of the wedding in favor of furniture… emailing me… after 17 years… emailing… while I was alone in a foreign country with no one to turn to for support until 5 hours later when the sun actually came up in the USA…
Then came the guest list drama – who gets a date, who doesn’t get a date. Fiance and I were very consistent, and while we hoped that would keep down the drama, it served only to increase it… FI’s uncle had invited a date before the invitations were sent, and then had to have the conversation with her that he didn’t get to bring a date… he threatened not to come at all, in an attempt to force our hands.
Former-bridesmaid was invited with her fiance, and after months of being incommunicado, messaged me to see if she could bring a girl she knew from high school (the Maid/Matron of Honor in her wedding, I presume) instead of her fiance, since he couldnt get the day off from work. We did not make this exception (FI said it was like our favorite chinese food platter – no substitutions!), and explained that we limited our guest list as it was (we had cousins we didn’t invite due to space/budget limitations), and we preferred to stick with invited guests only. She has since declined altogether with no explanation.
So here we are… 12 days before the wedding. We’re confronting the negative in an effort to move past it.
Fiance had a very uncomfortable conversation with his sister this weekend, after she declined our rehearsal dinner invitation and the family cruise invitation for the night before the wedding. He asked her what was going on, and she exploded on him. She denied ever talking behind our backs, denied even being upset that she wasn’t in the wedding – but told him she was “playing by our rules” – if we wanted her as “just a guest” at the wedding, that’s what she’ll be. It was a long, painful, awful conversation that ultimately got nowhere, but at least Fiance said his piece. And now we’re moving on from that negativity…
In the spirit of moving past negativity, I decided it was time to confront former bridesmaid with my feelings on the matter… I sent her an email explaining how I was confused and saddened by what had happened to our friendship over the last year – confused at how she could go from me asking her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, to declining her invitation to the wedding altogether without explanation or note. Confused about how a year ago, she was trying on bridesmaid dresses, only for a few months later to send me an email backing out entirely without a true explanation. I was civil, nice and anything but b*tchy. I told her that I was writing to get things off my chest, not writing to elicit an explanation, apology or even a response. And now I can move on from that negativity.
I’ve learned a lot over the last year… anger, negativity, frustration and sadness… it’s not worth holding on to or focusing on. Especially when we can focus on what will be one of the best days of our lives to date. It’s time to let go, to move on, and if need be, kill em’ with kindness. Because it’s not worth it to let someone so angry or so conflicted get you riled up… it’s not worth the distraction, the impact to your health… it’s much better to focus on the positive and move forward.
Heavy sigh of relief. And now I feel much better.