Letting Him Go

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
2151 posts
Buzzing bee

xpretyNpinkStarx:  You did the right thing! This guy COULD be the guy. But, this is obviously not the right time for this particular guy. i say stick to your guns. Give him lots of space. Let him have his divorce finalized at the very least. It doesn’t mean this is all over, it just means you might need to give it some time. Enjoy your life right now, date other people if you want, and maybe call him in 6 months or so. You never know what might come to pass. You could still end up together, but, you need to give him the time he so clearly needs. You don’t want to start something with him before he is ready. 

ETA: I must stress: wait for the divorce to be finalized. Married couples separate, even date other people, and then get back together all the time. Make sure they have all their ends tied up by the time you start to date. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  swonderful.
Post # 4
1634 posts
Bumble bee

xpretyNpinkStarx:  oh, I’m so sorry! That must be so hard, but you absolutely did the right thing! He’s not in a position to be the man you need, even though he obviously wants to be. I agree that the longer you’re spending time together, the harder it will be to let go if he’s still not ready. I hope things work out for you, i hope it gets easier knowing you made the right choice to protect your heart!

Post # 5
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1993

xpretyNpinkStarx:  I think you did the right thing too. Him feeling like “he owes it to himself” to talk to other women just proves he is not ready.  Look out for you.  You don’t want to get hurt.  I hope you feel better!

Post # 6
4878 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

You absolutely did the right thing.  Love requires the right person & the right time.  This just isn’t the right time for him.  He was decent enough not to string you along.

It is sad for you that the timing isn’t right, but you can’t force it.  You will find the right man at the right time.

Post # 7
1321 posts
Bumble bee

Stand strong, you definitely made the best decision!  You’re right, this probably would not have ended well for you.  Since he not over his marriage and is wanting to “play” the field, in the end you would have been the only one who got handed the short end of the stick.  I believe he does have strong feelings for you.  But you can’t wait around for him to finally be “ready” to settle down and commit again.  Who the heck knows when that will be?!  He is very “needy” right now since his marriage is coming to an end so he’s definitely going to “cling” onto you more than usual.  Don’t take that as a sign that he’s “ready.”  A man who is truly ready will constantly and consistently show-up in your life as a steady, stable, secure commitment.  He will NEVER let you “wonder” where the relationship is going, because he will make it absolutely clear marriage and commitment is what he desires too — and usually they are upfront about this from the beginning.  The absolute WORST position a woman can out herself is to be the “rebound woman” to a man who is needy and desperate, and not ready for commitment.  Because usually 99.9% of the time once he feels better/stronger and ready for commitment that’s when he’ll look for and meet someone new.

Post # 8
6667 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

As someone who has gone through a divorce myself, it just gets complicated feelings-wise and probably has nothing to do with you. Give him time to sort it all out, but don’t wait around in the mean time. Maybe someday it will work out.

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