Post # 1
Let me start off by saying that over all the relationship I am in is great. I posted before about a situation involving facebook that was kind of stupid but it was something that bothered me. That was just last week. I took the high road and let it go because come on, its facebook. So last night Boyfriend or Best Friend and I are talking about this weekend and we decided on some general things, like he would come out saturday morning help me with my sons birthday party in the early afternoon and then we would play it by ear and enoy our saturday and he would go home on sunday. Generally this is how it works since we work opposite schedules during the week 🙁 so with that said, you now know that this time we get is precious. Im not the kind of girl who says he can or cannot go somewhere without me or even dictates where he can go with friends or whatever. he usually lets me know like “hey im going to such and such with so and so on this day” my response? ok have fun babe!
ok ready for the crazy? so last night after we decide on the general outline for the weekend i find out he agreed to go to a bday party. i ask him about it and he’s like oh ya but i just decided like a few minutes ago. ok….so when was i going to find out? ….so I ask who’s party is it? he says “oh my friend dina” *crickets churping* ummmm who in the f is dina? I have never even heard of this girl! so of course I start to freak out. He’s like whoa its not that serious its just a bday party. ummmmm ya for a girl i dont know and im not invited. he didnt say that but he never did mention “hey why dont you just come along”. so basically I freak out and tell him that he doesnt care about how I feel about stuff and that even when i tell him something bothers me i get the “you’re crazy” or the “omg you are over reacting” speech and im sick of being made to feel like my feelings are not relavent. Even if its stupid to him, its not to me. So finally he agrees to not go but I can tell he’s irritated. So now im torn, and I have guilt. I feel like on one hand I dont want to be THAT girl that says what he can and cannot do but I also dont want to just sit by and not be ok with a situation and leave it as is. After thinking about it I realized that what all of this boils down to is that the leftover frustration from that stupid facebook thing was still there and it boiled over when the party situation came up. Bottom line? I dont feel like he sticks up for me or takes my feelings into account. Please oh please tell me im not the only one who lets the crazy spill out from time to time? Also, how do I solve the issue of this party? do i say “go ahead and have fun” or do I just leave it as is and have him skip it but maybe end up feeling guilty or having him secretly be irritated with me? sorry this is so long but im really letting myself get worked up over this. 🙁
Post # 3
Oh man, my crazy spills out all the time. Like a couple weeks ago when I yelled at Fiance for putting his cans of pop in the fridge but not any of mine. Not a huge deal, obviously, but I was pissed. It turned into a whole “you’re being inconsiderate/you don’t think about me/you don’t care about my feelings” type fight. At least I can blame that one on hormones though! 😛
Honestly though.. I’m not entirely sure why you don’t want him to go to the party. Is it just because you don’t know the girl? I can relate to that, but you just need to ask yourself if it’s really worth getting mad over. What I’d do is invite myself along; if you both go you’ll probably end up having a really fun time. If not, hey at least now you know who Dina is.
Post # 4
It definitely sounds like you guys need to both calm down and talk about the situation calmly without letting your emotions get in the way, which I KNOW can be super hard to do when you are feeling so upset. Clearly, his issue is that he feels like you are overreacting (even though you really aren’t.) If you sit and talk about it calmly then maybe he will be more willing to listen to what you have to say. I think sometimes when guys can tell we (women) are upset, they immediately turn on that defensive attitude and refuse to listen. After you have calmed down tell him your concerns. Tell him that you don’t want to be one of “those girls” but that you are worried about him not telling you about this party and not inviting you. THis might be a good time to bring up the facebook issue just so you can get it resolved. That is not something, however trivial it might be, to keep stored up inside especially since it is bothering you.
Best of luck to you! I am sure you guys will work it out!!
Post # 5
I would definitely have an issue with not being invited if it is not some sort of guys’ night out thing.
If you’re a couple and your social circle knows you are a couple, then IMO it’s just plain rude for somerone to extend an invitation to one person but not the other half of the couple. I would also feel it extremely inconsiderate of my mate to accept said invitation without any consideration of my feelings.
However, I would not “freak out” or have a fit; I’d discuss it with him and get his side and see if we can resolve it. If he is truly not considerate of your feelings and doesn’t cherish your limited time together, then maybe you both need to rethink things around how you communicate with one another?
Post # 6
I’ve experienced something similar and what it boils down to for me is that my SO sometimes makes last-minute decisions and doesn’t talk it through with me and that’s what bothers me. It’s not what the decision is or anything, it’s that he decided something without informing me there was anything to decide upon! That’s totally fine if he wants to do something and makes a decision, that’s great; but what I do want to know is that he’s thinking something over, and maybe talk it over with me. And by talk it over with me, I don’t mean I have to have a say in it, just that he bounces his ideas off of me and I bring up some ideas or other ways of looking at the decision, I don’t need to approve of his final decision. I wonder if that’s what’s bugging you?
The flipside of this that I have also experienced is my guy thinks we discussed it when it actually never came up. Like I’m in his head when he’s thinking it over and honestly believes that it was a real conversation! That’s just adorable! So maybe that happened and he was too defensive to say so.
Post # 7
it is actually a combination of all of the above. I do feel like it was inconsiderate of him to not only just decide on a plan without mentioning anything (remember I did not find out he was going by him telling me), I feel like if this particular person didnt think to invite me along then he should have spoke up on my behalf and should have had me in mind a bit more and lastly (the irrational girl brain part) I just flat out do not feel like he thinks before he does stuff sometimes. This happens often. he does something, lets me down in some way and then I lay it out and theres that “ohhhhhhhh” moment where the light bulb comes on. It was completely on me that our conversation the first time around did not go well because I was just a hot mess emotionally (thank you evil monthly visitor) and was just in meltdown mode even before this came up. We did talk more about it last night and he will be going to the party. He did invite me along but since it is not my scene I was glad to skip it. He will be spending friday and saturday during the day with me and then we are going to breakfast on sunday morning. I really just sort of blew up. I had some right to be irritated but I for sure over reacted. Its nice to know though that despite the screw ups we both can be we know how to work things through and come to a decision that we are both happy with.
Post # 8
@stardustintheeyes: “Its nice to know though that despite the screw ups we both can be we know how to work things through and come to a decision that we are both happy with.”
That is extremely important. Way more important than not having a blow up in the first place.
Post # 9
@Sasha2011: I am completely aware that there will be more moments where one of our bags of crazy spills over and we have to sit down and work our way through it. He’s such a good guy for being able to know exactly how to calm me down. Not many people can handle me lol and he does it perfectly. Im a very lucky girl to have found someone who is so willing to put the work in when its needed.
Post # 10
My crazy comes out when I’m PMSing. I have really bad mood swings and irrational outburtsts. It’s amazing he puts up with me.
I think the sollution here, is to go to him with your tail between your legs and apologize for last nights behavior, but also make sure that you’re letting him know, in a calm and rational manner, what REALLY bothers you about the situation…then you guys have the talk you didn’t get around to having last night. Then, maybe you can suggest that you’d like to attend the party with him, so then you get to spend time and he gets to go to the party.
Post # 11
@stardustintheeyes:There seems to be more than one issue at work. You feel he is sometimes inconsiderate; he feels you overreact; you talk and agree you overreacted but you still feel he is sometime inconsiderate; you feel lucky he can “handle” your “crazy” moments. I’m not a counselor but I have been married/divorced/married and in a few bad relationships in my time. I am turning 38 this May and like to think my life experiences have provided me with the ability to look at situations in a different way and make better choices because of them. You do have a right to question why he did not invite you and why he mentioned the party only casually. Could you have done this more constructively the first time it was mentioned? I don’t know, I only know what you discussed here. I am glad you worked it out and you are both happy with the results, but try not to let anyone make you feel as if you are always overreacting or your feelings are not important. I am a firm believer in following your instincts – some of my more devastating moments happened because I questioned mine and went in the opposite direction.
I wish you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend all the happiness in the world 🙂