Letting the In Laws know that we're replacing their expensive gift…

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
5544 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

While I am generally a fan of honest truth, I think this is a situation where there is no reason to bring it up to them. I wouldn’t lie about it if they ask but I don’t think I would just randomly tell them about it either.  

Post # 3
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

I really don’t see any reason to mention it to them. This is a case where it’s best just to not say anything at all unless they specific ask–I can’t see happening unless they sleep on your bed for some reason.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  MrsYokiman.
Post # 4
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

LynnSnow:  Is it possible to use the mattress they bought as a guest bed? That way, technically you’re not getting rid of it… and I agree with PP about not bringing it up unless specifically asked.

Post # 5
Member
700 posts
Busy bee

LynnSnow:  Like PP mentioned, I am not sure why you would need to mention it to them. Would they really continue asking about it? At some point, I am assuming they will stop, right? Unless you foresee them coming to the house and trying it out, but that would be a bit odd too.

If it were me, and I had replaced it, I would just mention that it had stopped working properly. Its not quite a lie, since it never really worked well for both of you. I also may even consider telling them the truth. It’s not their fault the bed didn’t work for you, and you couldn’t have known it wasn’r the right mattress even if you tested it out a bunch prior to purchasing.

Post # 6
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I could foresee them asking about it again since you already told them you were struggling to find the right sleep number and they obviously care and want to make sure their gift is working out. If that happens, I would be completely honest with them. I would also keep the bed as a guest bed if that’s an option. Just make sure you express how much you appreciate the thought that went into it, and I don’t think it would seem ungrateful. 

Post # 7
Member
980 posts
Busy bee

Would they want to use the mattress instead? That way it wouldn’t go to waste. If not, I think I’d just get a new mattress and not tell them unless they asked.

Post # 9
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Ahh I definitely wouldn’t mention it to them… they will never know what you’re using for a mattress… why risk potentially upsetting or hurting either of your families when they’ll never know the difference??

Post # 10
Member
1214 posts
Bumble bee

How about letting your husband tell them it isn’t working for him.  It is the truth but it lets you off the hook.  They may take it better knowing he is having trouble with it.  Other than that, I would not say anything in advance.

Post # 11
Member
1350 posts
Bumble bee

A random thought- could you use a topper or two that would make the current mattress better?

We use a COSTCO.com foam topper and a CuddlEwe on ours. 

I have fibro, and we spent many miserable years until we discovered the topper combo.

The worst part for you, IMO, is that if you start again from scratch, you will sort of “lose” what was a very kind and well intentioned gift. 

BUT- there is nothing more important than a good sleep, so by all means take care of yourselves! 

Post # 12
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m with the posters who say not to mention it. Are they going to peek under your sheets to make sure it’s still the mattress they gave you?

I know you’re worried about them asking again. What does your husband think?

I noticed lately that gifting beds to newlywed couples is a thing. I would mostly love to come home to a nice, new mattress, but something about my bed being replaced surreptitiously would bother me. A bed seems like an intimate gift unless the existing bed is literally falling apart, and the couple can’t replace it. Maybe I’m weird.

Post # 13
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

This is tough. On the one hand I say be honest because it sounds like you two really did give it a chance and it didn’t quite work out for you.  On the other hand, if you move it to the guest room they may never find out, but the fact that they’re asking if you like it means they will probably ask again.

Since it’s DH’s parents that gave you the bed, I would probably put it on him to tell them.  I like the idea of offering it to them first.  If they decline then you can put it in the guest bedroom guilt free, or they may know someone else that wants it.

My sister went through something similar.  She received a very expensive KitchenAid mixer from her MIL as a shower gift (even though she did not register for it) and no gift receipt.  It sat under her counter for 2 years until one day her MIL asked if she ever used it.  My sister was honest and said she hadn’t as she’s not much of a cook anyway, and her MIL asked if she could buy it off of her.  In her situation it was a win win.

Post # 14
Member
91 posts
Worker bee

1. if you health/comfort/life depends on it, I would sit them down and explain the situation.

2. PLEASE NEVER USE A BED FOR 15 YEARS!!!! Very unhealthy for you!!!!

Post # 15
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

FutureMrsJohnson_:  

+100 I love your suggestion about using it as a guest bed. No need to tell the in-laws anything. I think they would probably be offended because of how expensive and thoughtful the gift was, even though the reason for replacing the bed is perfectly sensible.

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