Post # 1
ok so here’s an etiquette question you won’t read about in Emily Post or Sharon Naylor…
how do we introduce the ‘rents to our chosen donor dad, whom we are inviting to the wedding?
This will be quite a shock to my FI’s parents, not so much mine. I’m pretty sure her parents think she isn’t considering starting a family, since I don’t think they see many same-sex parents where they live, and it was also a bone of contention in her last LTR (her ex really wanted kids AND foster kids, and she didn’t). things change.
This will be the one day that they have to meet him and his wife and their cute lil’ daughter, so I feel like we should give them a heads up, not like “oh, here I want to introduce you to our donor dad.” and then put them on the spot.
i guess being straight up about it is the best plan of action? how much lead time?
Post # 3
I don’t have an answer for you, but I think you’re on the right track with being up front.
My brother told me the week before his wedding that he got a vasectomy – but my sister in laws family had NO IDEA and were eagerly anticipating grand kids. I had to spend 3 entire days with them reminding myself to keep my mouth shut every time they started bringing up kids, and asking me how excited I was to become an aunt. I was always self conscious of my responses because I think I’m a terrible/obvious liar. Not cool.
Even when its initially awkward, honesty is always the best route to take. As long as you think its something they will be able to wrap their heads around, I think telling them in advance of the wedding is a good idea.
Post # 4
I don’t have experience with this situation, but I assume the sooner you tell them the better. It sounds like they will be suprised (at least Future In-Laws will) so the more time they have for it to sink in, the better.
So neither of you are pregnant, right? You have just chosen him for any future children. If this is the case, I would just mention it casually like – “FI and I have been talking a lot about our future with our wedding comming up. We know we both want children and have already decided on a donor. We think this is important to our relationship to make this decision before we get married, so we both have the same expectations going into our marriage (not sure if this is the case, but I’m improvising). We have invited him to the wedding, so if you would like to meet him, it would be a great time to get to know each other a bit.”
Post # 5
I can only share how my dad likes info and I think you are on the right track. He likes lots of lead time and no surprises. No matter how bad the info is he always thanks me for the heads up and has time to adjust for the situation. I think that it is wonderful you have thought about this and want to give them the opportunity of meeting him! I would let them know as soon as you can so they have time to get excited about it and to think of any questions they might have for all of you (hopefully they won’t bring up awkward questions at your wedding, but maybe invite further conversation with your donor) and time to come around to the idea in case they are stuck on shock for a while. I hope it goes well!!!