Life 1.5 years after marriage…yikes!!

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

First off…


It sounds like you have an AWESOME Marriage and are married to a WONDERFUL Guy… that is very important

AND… Best Wishes on your Pregnancy and expanding your family… you are right it is a Blessing & Exciting

Truth is…

Life is unpredictable.

We may think we know ahead of time how we MIGHT react when things happen… but in REALITY until it really happens we do not.

As an Older Bee and Encore, I always chuckle when I read about Bees who have it all figured out ahead of time

Thinking that they have the bull by the horns so to speak…

Because no matter who it is… when it comes to a Baby… things can go ass over tea kettle faster than any of us can imagine

Baby’s like it or not… have a mind (Agenda) of their own

You can have it all thought thru on paper… BUT that doesn’t mean that will be the reality once the Baby is here

Which is WHY it is very important that you married the RIGHT GUY to begin with

Cause truth is… things could change drastically

Be it a pregnancy issue, baby health issue… or just an over-stressed issue… one cannot prepare 100% for what will happen will the baby(s) get here

They end up setting the agenda / tone

A child that requires more attention is going to draw that from somewhere… more than likely Mom & Dad

And decisions will need to be made… on WHO will stay at home and address the issue… be it short term or long term

It could happen when the baby arrives… or when the kid is 2, 5, 10, 12 or 16

Such is life.

You love your kids, you make sacrifices.

In truth you only get ONE Kick at the can with your kids… NO DO-OVERS… you come to realize that so you have to make choices

Every kid is different… some need more when they are infants.  Some need more during the “terrible 2s / 3s” stage… some need more in the pre-puberty years… and some need more as teenagers.

As a parent, you do what you have to.

With my own kids, I found they needed less as infants… and I was able to return to work sooner than later. 

One kid had a terrible spell during their pre-school years… I had to make adjustments to my career to spend more time with them.

Then we were good for another 8 to 10 years…

Then the teens hit.  And they hit hard for one child.

I MADE THE CHOICE… to change my hours & be more avaialable… I wanted to be home at the end of day when they got home from school.

Sure my career suffered some… BUT my kids didn’t.  It was worth the trade off.  Kids grew up healthy, happy and realtively secure in themselves.  That is all I could hope for.

And honestly, they were out of the house in my mid 40s, so I still had plenty of time for myself & my career.  No Regrets

The balancing act is hard for sure… you just have to remember what your priority is.

In my mind it is the kids… ALWAYS.  As I say you get many of chances with your job… not with your kids.  You have to get it right the first time with them.

Hope this helps,


Post # 5
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@fresitachulita:  I will keep it brief and just say congrats, first of all, and second of all, you will be fine, mama. Life always throws unexpected curve balls at us, and we can worry ourselves to death that we are going to get hit in the face or throw the ball back. You will be absolutely fine, and the Bee is a great place to vent/talking to other people who have the same fears as you, and hopefully all of us can help you feel a little more at ease. Congrats again on your babies and a great marriage 🙂

By the way I can’t say mine has been THAT eventful, but its been eventful none the less. We got married in July 2012. We bought a house in March 2013, hosted Easter for 18 ppl in April, got our first puppy together in June (had to drive several states away to get it in flooding, hail, rain, and wind) had a wedding in July that we were both in (on which we found out we were pregnant with our first child), and another wedding in August, and took 3 trips in October, all of which were out of state. That’s enough excitement for me, lol.

Post # 6
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

What an eventuful chapter of life! Congrats on your impending motherhood, and on how you have been handling everything. You’re doing great!

One thing you might want to consider is getting a nanny to care for your kiddos. It can be MUCH more affordable than daycare, and allows your children a lot of one-on-one time with a caring adult even when you are not able to be there. 

Post # 8
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

@fresitachulita:  I’m sorry, that’s frustrating! What about a nanny-share? Where you and another family spilt the cost and share the care-giver? Hope everything works out!

Post # 9
7192 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

My first year of marriage has been extremely eventful. We got married in February and moved from California across the country to North Carolina the day after our wedding. DH started a new job and I transfered. We got pregnant on our honeymoon, and that wasn’t planned (Happy accident). We seriously considered trying to move back to California to be close to family, but that wasn’t really a possibility. We just had our baby 5 weeks ago. So we did ALL of that before our first anniversary!

Post # 10
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@fresitachulita:  There are nursing jobs that allow you to work from home or on individual contracts instead of in an office or hospital.

Post # 13
3476 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We know parents of a few twins, age 1-2. 

One mom stayed home the first 4 months, then the kids went to daycare (even though it actually cost them money to do this, it was worth it for her career progression and sanity) in addition to using night nannies for a few nights each week for the first year.  Her dad helped out a lot too, flying into town during the week when she was home in the beginning.  She had really bad post-partum depression and one of the kids had bad acid reflux. 

Another mom is a new coworker.  She stayed home with the kids for a year, just went back to work.  Again, work+daycare is a wash, but it was good for her sanity/career.

Final one the dad stayed home (he sorta got laid off from his pilot job and the mom made good money).  Not sure on current status – last saw them a few months ago.

I think you just have to play it by ear, be flexible, expect it may be expensive initially (but think – college tuition you’ll get scholarships maybe, which you wouldn’t if your kids are not in school at the same time!) but it’ll get better.  Also – I don’t think hoping the parents will help out full-time will do it.  They are likely older, and twins can be a handful for them.

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