Life changes after having a child….it doesn't end.

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 2
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

stardustintheeyes:  Good for you!  I think there is far too much judgement when it comes to parenting/being a mom.  Working moms get judged, SAHMs get judged, it’s like you can’t win.  I’ve read many of your posts and I have to say that I think your son is incredibly lucky to have you as a mom.  It’s awesome that you’ve found a good balance for your life, don’t let ignorant comments get you down.

Post # 4
Member
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

I think it is a very American idea (not sure where you’re from) that the lives of parents have to revolve around their children, and if they don’t you’re a bad parent. During my time living with a family in Europe I found parents to lead lifestyles more like yours. Both parents had separate evening activities a few days after work, and they had plans on the weekends, but they were still around for their children in every other way. To think that a child needs his or her mother by their side 24/7 is one of the reasons I believe kids are the way they are. My parents often left my much older sister to babysit me, and we are both very independent people who are doing alright. 

I always hear about miserable moms who never do anything for themselves. No wonder so many mothers feel consumed and overwhelmed. They never focus on the things they used to enjoy. I think it is safe to say that they are jealous that you’re comfortable continuing with your life while still managing to be an amazing mom because a lot of people can’t figure out how to do both. 

Post # 5
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

stardustintheeyes:  I don’t think you can get flamed for saying that! For some people, they want to spend every second with their kids. Others have a different balance. It’s personal choice, and there is no right or wrong. 

You obviously hugely care for, love and look after your son – I hope you have a really happy life both for yourself, and as a family x

Post # 6
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

In order to be a good mom, you need to take time for youself. End of story.

If people judge you for going out and having some time to yourself, or with your friends, then that’s their problem.

It sounds like you do a fantastic job with your son.

As with all things in life, there are a lot of miserable people out there who would rather pass judgement on everyone else, rather than improving upon themselves. Don’t let them get to you!

Post # 7
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

stardustintheeyes:  What?! You sound healthy + adjusted which is what kids want and need in their parents! Also, I’m a big believer in the oxygen mask principle — if you don’t take care of your needs (needs, not wants) first, you cannot and will not be equipped to take care of others. 

I’m sick of the complaining mom posts too, because you know what? We all have our issues and life isn’t perfect. We all have 24 hours a day and, for the most part, the free will / agency to decide how we spend that time. #GetOffMyLawn 

🙂

Post # 8
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

 

stardustintheeyes:  Unfortunately, you’re going to get judged no matter what your parenting style is. I plan on living a very similar lifestyle once I’m a parent. I will care and love for my child immensely, but I also refuse to lose who I am.

Post # 10
Member
8593 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I agree with you.  I just saw someone comment on something today that was basically shaming a mother for going out on a weekend night (kids with grandparents) and not “spending every waking moment” with their children…seriously.  That attitude is insane and unhealthy to me.

Post # 11
Member
765 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

stardustintheeyes:  Yes, your smart, happy, healthy child is clearly suffering from spending time with his loving grandmother for an evening while you socialize without him from time to time

Some people are ridiculous and rude. I tell my husband all the time how I still plan to be an adult from time to time after our baby comes in July and he agrees. You can’t be a good parent without recharging your batteries every once in a while.

Post # 12
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

stardustintheeyes:  Why would you be flamed for this?

Honestly, I applaud you.  Too many women do make their entire lives about their kids and it doesn’t make them better mom’s – it makes them limited and typically stunts their kids.

If some cow wants to take a swipe at you by suggesting you’re a poor mom for taking an occasional night out she’s either jealous, delusional or both.  Check back in with her when her kid is 16 and trying to peel her off and her husband has checked out if not left the marriage entirely because she’s become such a bore.  

Post # 13
Member
9529 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think your situation sounds ideal! I think you’re totally right about it being different when you don’t have family close by. Honestly, I probably won’t have family in the same town when I have a kid and I know I’ll be jealous of those that do. It makes life so much easier! But I definitely still plan to sent the theoretical future child to grandma/grandpa’s for the evening or weekend or enlist the aide of friends/sitters so my husband and I can have some adult time. Do’nt let her comment get to you. You’re an awesome mom and you know it! Let your son and grandma have their time and you take your time to enjoy yourself. 

Post # 15
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Delete that “friend” from your facebook.

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