Post # 1
My mother is actually my stepmother. I’ve known her my whole life and regard her as my mom. She has acted like my mom until I got engaged. That’s when our relationship started to splinter.
A year and a half ago, I told her I was getting engaged to my older boyfriend (my parents never liked him) and she didnt speak to me for 3 months. She started to warm up a but later on and for a while it was almost nice visiting with my family. She knew all my plans for getting married and BARELY hid her disapproval, but sometimes there were glimpses of her actually *enjoying* talking with my then-FI. Our plans were to elope but everyone knew about it (mostly because my parents were very much not excited at the propsect and we didnt really care enough to ahve a big party anyway) It was an amazing wedding and honeymoon in early October.
I had dinner with her when I got back and she asked me “So what did you do on your vacation?” Umm other than GET MARRIED? Sigh. I gritted my teeth and hung on.
Thanksgiving was rough. For some reason after the wedding she has been worse and worse and at Thanksgiving she was downright rude to me and I told her so and we got into a huge fight. We didnt speak the rest of the evening.
We went to my parents house for Christmas and my dad MADE her behave so it was actually nice. I thought things might be getting better. But she hasnt talked to me since then. I’ve texted, called the house, called her cell phone…nothing. I’m at a loss.
Not really sure what to do at this point– it makes me sad because I wish she was happy for me and dont know why she is so angry and most of all I wish she would just talk to me about it. Life is too short for this pretty crap. 🙁
Post # 3
How much older is he and have they ever told you specifically why they don’t like him? Have they ever said this to you outright?
Post # 4
@mrs_pudding_pop: I was going to ask these questions too.
Why don’t they like him? Have you guys ever (early on or later) talked about this issue?
Post # 5
@mrs_pudding_pop: My Husband is 15 years older than me. He looks much younger, has no health issues and is getting fitter than me these days. They have always wanted a sort of “wolf of wall street” kind of guy for me and my husband is shy and relatively quiet, manager at a good company and makes decent (but not buckets) money. They’ve made up ridiculous reasons why they wouldnt like him. My favorite:
One thanksgiving when we were dating, I went to my parents house early to help my mom and then-SO came later. He brought wine with him and when he came to the door, I answered it with a kiss hello and I took the wine from him. My parents made a big stink because he should have given THEM the wine because its THEIR house. 😐
ETA: in the end, it just boils down to they dont like how much older he is. My dad is much nicer to him now, asks about him, includes him in Christmas gift giving, etc. He said my DH isnt what HE would pick for me, but he sees that I’m happy.
Post # 6
@1stRosie: Wow… They want a Wolf of Wall Street SIL? Have they actually SEEN the movie??? :-/
You sound like you’ve got a great catch there, regardless of the age (I am not one to “talk” as my husband is older, too! 😉 ). Sounds like dad has come around, hopefully he can talk mom into seeing the light that her daughter is happy and at the end of the day that’s what matters.
Sorry you’re dealing with this.
Post # 7
Make a date and sit down with her. Find out exactly what it is that is troubling her. Be as non-defensive as possible. Something is up, and fighting about it won’t help anyone.
Post # 8
@mrs_pudding_pop: Oof you should see the guys my mom always wanted me to date– theyre all into drugs now, one guy is a pizza delivery guy still living with his parents and smoking weed in their car.
They just always liked popular, loud, wealthy, italian guys. I’ve always gone for the quieter brooding musicians. At least isnt the musician boyfriends of my past! My husband is incredibly sweet and kind, thoughtful and smart…and my parents can be SO intimidating so it’s taken a while for him to come out of his shell. They have interpreted this as he has *something to hide*. It’s insane the conclusions they’ve always jumped to.
i just called my dad and told him how my mom is avoiding me (he often takes 2-3 week “vacations” and goes down to their condo in Georgia) and he makes all kinds of excuses– i’m not the noly one she isnt getting texts from. I said “She does know that she can SEND texts too, though, right?” 🙁
Post # 9
@distressddamsel: I literally can’t get her to answer me. I’m close to just going over there but at this rate, who knows if she will even let me in. It takes an hour by train for me to get to their house so it would be nice to set up a date– I’ve texted, called, left messages and emailed. Smoke signals next?