Lingerie help! (for a male)

posted 2 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
5213 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2050

xscottx90:  If there’s a special occasion coming up, that’s the perfect excuse to buy lingerie. If not though, you don’t need an excuse so buy it anyway! VERY smart of you to consider the size question!!! Do NOT guess! If you live together, it should be super easy to just check some panties, some bras, and some dresses. Don’t confuse dress size with panty size — they are not the same. I recommend writing the sizes down, or maybe snap a pic (just the tags, you don’t want to be walking around with rando pix of your ladies unmentionables). Some lingerie uses dress size, some bra size, some goes by Small, Medium, and Large (X-small, X-large, etc), sometimes a combination. If you have all your lady’s number sizes available, a sales person will be able to help you get the right size. (Sometimes the tags will give a conversion.)

Post # 3
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2016

xscottx90:  I’m going to be totally honest. I don’t recommend that ANYONE ever try to buy lingerie for another person. The vast majority of American women (80-85%) are wearing the wrong bra size. Therefore, if you determine her size from looking in her lingerie drawer… Chances are, you will buy the wrong size too. Additionally, sizes are not standardized. Like, at all. They can vary from country to country, brand to brand, and even with different styles from the same brand. And understandably, most lingerie cannot be returned or exchanged.

If you really want, you could try avoiding the whole complicated bra sizing system, and get her a nice silk-and-lace chemise or something. But that’s not foolproof either. My SO once tried ordering me a nice chemise from a designer lingerie brand in the UK. The size options were “Small, Medium, Large”… Should be easy, right? I wear a Medium in US sizes, and he (intelligently) sized up to a Large, because UK sizes often run smaller. And the thing was STILL too small in the bust. Like, uncomfortably so. Now I have an absolutely beautiful, $200 silk-and-lace rag that I can’t wear, that can’t be returned or exchanged…

So, honestly, I don’t recommend buying her anything without having her try it on first. Maybe you could take her on a surprise shopping trip, and let her pick out whatever lingerie she wants. Have her fitted by a professional bra fitter, like the ones at Intimacy or Nordstrom. Do not have her fitted by the “professionals” at Victoria’s Secret; they are notorious for squishing and squeezing people into their extremely limited size range, just to make a sale. And don’t trust any of the online “bra fitting calculators” – most of them are wrong. Here are some bra fitting resources so that you can help her select a good fit – plus she’ll be impressed with your knowledge: 

http://www.bigcuplittlecup.net/check-bra-fits-properly/

http://fullerfigurefullerbust.com/2012/08/16/bra-sizes-do-not-exist-without-back-sizes/

http://www.reddit.com/r/ABraThatFits

http://www.venusianglow.com/search/label/bra%20fitting

 

 

Post # 4
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Buying sexy lingerie for myself has proven troublesome in the past… Those lingerie get-up stores often have sizes that aren’t true… if that makes sense.

I suggest maybe just getting her a nice bra and underwear from Victoria’s Secret, if you want to do it on your own.  Go through her underwear drawer and get her sizes.  

OR start by giving her a gift card for Victoria’s Secret for Christmas with orders to buy a bra and underwear, that way you know the her size at THAT store.  They have sexy lingerie get-ups there… once you know her size at that store, it should make it easier for you.

I hope that helps!

Post # 5
Member
5213 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2050

I’ve received lingerie from a couple boyfriends and even a couple girlfriends (like, friend-friends, I mean, not romantic girlfriends). And my husband, of course. It was always fun and special. If the size looks questionable, you try it on with underwear first and if it doesn’t fit, exchange it. NBD. Lingerie isn’t worn that long and doesn’t need to be as supportive as a bra or fit as perfectly as a perfectly fit bra. So, if you think she’ll enjoy it, have fun, do your best, and don’t drop a couple benjamins anywhere that doesn’t allow returns.

Post # 6
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

xscottx90: The gift card idea is a good one, but GO INTO HER CLOSET and LOOK AT THE LABELS (designers or brands).

Because unless your lady is a standard size who needs small to average sized cups, I do NOT recommend VS. I especially do not recommend VS unless she already has and consistently wears VS. I am not a size that VS carries, I never wear VS, and haven’t stepped foot into VS or own VS since FI and I got together. 

If he were to get me a giftcard for VS, I would feel offended because I am not a VS kind of person and I’d also feel bad about my body, since there is no way anything at VS would fit me. 

Get her a giftcard for a brand (or similar) to what is in her closet / drawers. If she wears a lot of French or French inspired labels, go Chanterelle. Italian? Go La Perla. British? Agent Provocateur. 

Have any photos of her in fitted clothing? Go True & Co. 

I don’t work for any of these brands. I just feel passionate about foundational garments. Good luck and have fun! 

Post # 7
Member
61 posts
Worker bee

I think all of these answers are just going to confuse you more. I wear Victoria’s Secret and my fiancé would have zero problem getting me lingerie in my size there because he knows my bra and panty size from what I already have. Check her sizes from her clothing now. Check where her bras and panties are from and if it happens to be a store that carries lingerie, then you will have no problem at all. Lingerie stays on for a total of 2 mins so it doesn’t need to fit perfectly anyways. If you’re lady isn’t a standard size (large breasts, plus sized) then bring her on a surprise shopping trip and let her pick out whatever lingerie she wants, then take her to dinner for a romantic date before she shows you her new lingerie later. I would LOVE that! I think it’s sweet and romantic! But again, it all depends on her personality, confidence and size! 

Post # 8
Member
2715 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

xscottx90:  Check the sizes and brands in the lingerie she already wears. DH admitted to doing that (he always seems to get the right size and I asked him how he managed). As far as VS goes, women either love it or not. Does she have catalogues sitting around?

Post # 9
Member
2715 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I always thought that the slogan about so many women wearing the wrong bra size was a clever marketing strategy to get someone to go out and buy more bras. Obviously, if the size is wrong and the bras are so damn uncomfortable or unflattering, women will get a different size.

Post # 10
Member
2151 posts
Buzzing bee

xscottx90: Hey! I love lingerie and have a lot of it. I think you should get her something that doesn’t have a built in bra or corset- those tend to be the most difficult to size- here’s an example of what I would NOT get her: 

If you get her something like this in the wrong size, it will absolutely not fit- it’s also less comfortable than other types of lingerie.

I’d get her something more like this- search for “babydoll” or “chemise”:

Since the “cups” part of the top are all just soft fabric- you have way more leeway in terms of size. If it’s a little big or a little small, she’ll still be able to wear it- these are also super comfortable if she’s not used to wearing lingerie, it’s a nice starter set. You could also get her a pair of thigh high pantyhose to go with it, those make me feel super sexy and they will give her a bit more coverage. 

Both of my examples are from fredrick’s of hollywood so you can order online. I’d get something in a color you know she likes, and for sizing I’d use her clothing (sized small, medium, large). I usually wear a small in lingerie and my street size for pants is a 0 or 2, my shirt size is usually a small- just to give you a good idea. If she’s a 4-8 she’s probably a medium, an 8-10 she’s probably a large. If she is bigger than a 10 then I would consider finding a lingerie line that specializes in plus sizes. 

 

  • This reply was modified 2 years ago by  swonderful.
Post # 11
Member
2151 posts
Buzzing bee

Also, as for giving it to her- you want it to be fun and not pressure filled since this is new territory for you. I’d just surprise her with it, but let her know she doesn’t have to put it on like right away. Maybe give it to her WITH something else, like a nice little bottle of perfume or chocolate (depending on what she’s into). Maybe write a note that says how sexy you think she is, and that if she’s ever in the mood to try it on you’d be happy to watch 🙂 This way she knows you aren’t giving it to her because you don’t think she’s sexy- you’re giving it to her BECAUSE you think she’s sexy. By writing that she can try it when she’s in the mood, you’re taking the pressure off. So if she feels yucky that particular day, she doesn’t feel bad. 

🙂 good luck!

Post # 12
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee

I wouldn’t get her anything too freaky (don’t get crotchless panties with a matching whip), because that’d be awkward for some men to buy and awkward for some women to put on. Start off with something beautiful and that would accentuate her and that you would like to see her in.

The sizes work the same!

I like the red babydoll someone else posted!

If you’ve been together for that long I think it’s also fine that you give her a present like this without her being weird about it. I’ve been with my boyfriend for around as long and I’d probably really like it if he surprised me with something like this, out of nowhere or special occasion.

But yes, sizes are the same!

Good luck

Post # 13
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2016

nycsa:  There’s actually a little bit of research that’s been done on this. Here is a summary of one of the studies: http://www.port.ac.uk/uopnews/2012/03/07/traditional-bra-fitting-doesnt-give-the-best-fit-study-reveals/

I think that a lot of women wouldn’t even think to try on their correct size, because of their preconceived ideas of what that size is supposed to look like. A lot of people just think that B is small, C is average, D is large, and so on. They don’t necessarily realize that cup size is relative to band size… For example, a 28D is actually quite small (32″ bust), and because of how bra size grading works, someone who wears a 28D actually has a smaller cup volume than, say, a 36C.

I wore a 36C for years, because that’s how VS always measured me. Looking back, the fit was terrible. I thought the quadboobing was simply due to me having ‘weird boobs’. I tried on all the different sizes at VS, but none of them fit me any better (because they don’t carry my actual size). I never would have guessed that I would end up being much more comfortable in a 32FF. Because, in my mind, FF was ‘huge’, and my boobs certainly aren’t (above average perhaps, but not huge).

 

Post # 14
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

In my opinion, it would be easier to get her something like a teddy/babydoll without built in cups. I think you can eyeball what her size may be at VS (but do try to look at what size she is now if you can). After you give it to her, you will see if that is what she likes or if she prefers different styles. Just make sure to make her feel sexy and beautiful in whatever style lingerie she prefers even if it’s not what you may like. Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

nycsa:  Not really.

The back riding up, the straps falling down, getting “spillage” and the underwire not sitting flat against your chest are all signs you’re wearing the wrong size bra, yet women still buy and wear bras that do this.

A major problem is though when you go to a store like Victoria’s Secret to be sized, if you are a size they don’t carry, they’re trained to tell you you’re a size that they do carry just to sell bras. 

I thought I was a 46DDD for the longest time until I went to a proper bra shop and found out I was a 42H. And let me tell you what a world of difference in comfort getting the right size bra was.

To the OP, many lingerie types aren’t even sized like regular bras and panties, they’re just marked as S,M,L,XL or just by cup size. If you’re comfortable with it, I would check her current bras for sizing and then talk to the sales people about what they would recommend. But go to an actual lingerie store not a place like VS

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