Post # 1
this is so difficult, i’m just crying, can’t help it
it took so long to get engaged…now with the ring on my finger, i can’t help but just want to get married
but we hardly have money, and i’m trying to get a job, and whenever this thing happens, we will have to pay for all of it ourselves.
i just sit here everyday, alone, while my fiance is at work, and look at weddingbee and get so sad because i just can’t do any of this right now
i keep going back and forth over what i want, a larger wedding, and what we could afford, a small one with just our immediate families…but i just cant make up my mind.
and i need to get a job, but i cant focus on it…all i think about is wanting to plan my wedding
its just too much to handle, and i wish i had someone to talk to, but i am just alone most of the time
Post # 3
Sorry you’re feeling down.
Have you asked your FI about he wants in terms of a wedding? Perhaps he wants a small wedding and you can embrace that and start planning?
What about having a small and gorgeous wedding that you can plan right now and then planning a big blowout bash of a vow renewal to celebrate a future anniversary when money isn’t so tight?
Post # 4
Okay, if you’re unemployed & getting depressed- YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!! Leave right now. Go for a walk. Join a club. Volunteer… something! Please, it’s so important to stay busy until you find work! I don’t mean to sound harsh, but I’ve been there… it’s such a lonely place. You need to take care of yourself 🙂
We’re all here to talk to if you need to!
If you just have such a longing to finally be his wife, why not go with the smaller wedding with your immediate family. Those are some of the best weddings I’ve attended. They’re super romantic & intimate… what a wonderful way to celebrate your love. 🙂
Post # 5
Hugs hugs hugs! I’m sorry things seem so down right now. Try and focus on the positive though. You have the person that you love by your side, and you have a future together.
Take this time to gather ideas, get a plan, and save all you can if you want a big wedding. But also remember that it isn’t about the big flashy wedding. It’s about making a commitment to the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Post # 6
oh sweetie I am so sorry you are feeling this way! I wish I was there to give you a hug!
I don’t know what to tell you but to hang in there. Things will get better. Keep looking for a job and keep thinking about your loving fiance and how the day you do get married will be perfect because you will be marrying your love!
Do you have a friend you could call and talk to about how you are feeling? A sister or your mom?
And you know the bees are always here for you too! HUGS!!!!
Post # 7
my fiance says he’ll just do what makes me happy
i dont know…i can’t even think. i just want to do it, but i’ll be sad that i wouldn’t be able to invite our friends
Post # 8
You know my cousin had a very small intimate wedding because he was getting sent to Iraq. They only had the two of them and their parents, grandparents and sibilings. They did this for two reasons 1. They needed to save up for the wedding and 2. Because she needed on his insurance.
When he got home a year later they had another wedding and reception.
Sorry you’re feeling down but you could always do something like the above.
Post # 9
I think you need to take a deep breath and try not to focus on how badly you want the wedding now. Sounds like, from what you’re saying, money is real tight and you won’t be able to have the wedding you want right now, so why don’t you take the energy you want to throw into wedding planning and throw it into a job search instead? You WILL get married and you will then have years of being married. Right now you should focus on getting your finances/career situation together because – and my friend is going through this exact thing right now – if you get married and one of you is unemployed and money is tight, it can put a serious if not fatal strain on your relationship.
I know you’re excited about getting married and want to plan stuff and have the wedding of your dreams, but if you don’t focus on the job and the here and now money wise, you won’t end up with the marriage of your dreams in the long run.
Post # 10
I am sorry you feel this way. Wedding can be so much fun, but can stir up a lot of emotions too.
My fiance and I were in the same boat. We both work full time, I go to school full time and pay my way through it. We have a house, bills, all the normal adult responsiIilites. Our families dont have the money to help with the wedding and we knew we couldnt afford it either. When I got my ring, I immediately went into wedding planning frenzy. Then it all came to a screeching halt when I found out that I would have to wait 2 1/2 yrs before I could say I do. It took over 4 years and buying a house together for him to propose, now I hate to wait even longer. I was so upset.
But EVERYTHING happens for a reason.
We are getting married April 2011 (been engaged since Christmas) we are planning a destination wedding to Jamaica (very cheap) and the guest list is 30.
Having a destination wedding makes the guest list very small, its cheap and exotic. The guest pay for themselves to come and all we have to worry about is ourselves. It sounds selfish, but being a full time student/working full time/putting myself through college, its the only way I feel comfortable doing it.
Think about what you really want. Think about what matters the most and go from there.. The way I see it, a long engagement means more time to save and more time to be picky 🙂
Post # 11
Seriously – engaged or not engaged you’d feel this way unemployed in some way or another. It’s depressing sitting at home by yourself. I know … I’ve sooo been there. Time for a hobby. Seriously.
Do you have any craft materials laying around?
What about walking around a park?
Coloring is always good, cheap, and effective for a smile!
It’ll all work out – and when it does, you’ll be pleasantly in awe of how it did. Seriously. FI and I have next to no money ourselves (heck, I don’t even have an actual ring bc of our money situation) and I want to just get things rolling, too – but all good things take time! And it will happen – you know that much. Maybe start with some inspiration? I think asking FI would be a great idea!
Post # 12
Hive (((hugs))). I think it’s easy to slip into “bridal obession” where one feels she HAS to have this and that and everything under the sun on her wedding day. If all you want is to be married, why not head to the courthouse ala Mrs.Mary Jane? There is certainly NOTHING wrong with that.
If you’ve truly become that obsessed, maybe it’s time for a break from all things wedding related? There was a time before I was engaged that I FORCED myself not to look at any wedding related sites and it helped me gain perspective a LOT.
Post # 13
oh man…i cannot force myself to not look at wedding bee!
i am a creative person, so i can find things to do…i just dont have the motivation to really do anything lately.
i haven’t even worked out in a month…been getting into a slump…i should probably pick that up again. but yes, i need a job, and wedding related stuff is getting in the way.
it really is difficult. i’m trying girls. thanks for all your support
Post # 14
((HUGS)) Do the two of you own your own home? Do your parents? Perhaps you can have a great bbq in the backyard and invite everyone and go for a summer casual look. Does your state allow fireworks? If so you can have it near the 4th of July and use them as favors and entertainment! Please don’t worry everything will and can be beautiful on a budget. Have you tried to gain seasonal employment somewhere? I recently got a job as a seasonal employee at a craft store (it’s supposed to go to perm but we’ll see). I get a 25% off discount which sure does help with my business (event design) it’s almost like I am getting paid to get a discount 😀 and I LOVE the store. The seasonal job pays crap, but it does get you out of the house and cash in your pocket… Good luck and keep your head up 😀 There are plenty of ways to get married without spending a ton… It’s like Steinmart’s slogan : You don’t have to spend a lot to look like you did 😀
Post # 15
no, we dont own a home. my parents do, but they live in florida (like in a community..so i dont think you can have parties outside)
yes, i can always work in a store or something….i feel dumb, but i’ve never really did that type of work (working in a store). and it doesn’t help that i think i have some sort of social phobia…so its so hard for me to try something new/especially jobs. i get so nervous. i should probably just muster up the courage to do so.
Post # 16
I was in your position – I wasn’t unemployed but I am a graduate student and the graduate student stipend isn’t that much so what I did was I made a budget – like a full detailed wedding budget which meant calling vendors etc and getting different prices for all the different options. Asking venues if they have cheap options – fridays, sundays etc. Flowers asking for inexpensive in season flowers. Working out an actual guest list – one for your small wedding and one for you large wedding.
Once I had everything budgeted out I could look at our finances and see what we were financially able to do. I also went to our parents with the budget to tell them what we were looking at doing and we were really lucky as they offered to contribute partially.
This could help you to see realistically what you are able to do and it will give you a timeline of when it could be possible which may settle your anxiety a bit.
It also makes planning really easy when it comes time to do it because everything is already decided and priced out – just keep in mind that prices may go up year to year!
Good Luck with finding a job!!!!!