Post # 1
Hello fellow Bees,
I just need to get this story off my chest and feel that writing about it may hopefully make me feel better. Here’s a little background…
Have been with my SO for a bit more than 2 years, we’re both 30 and I knew very early on that I wanted to be with him forever. We’ve been living together for a bit more than a year and our relationship is great on every level.
We talked about marriage, children, and a loose timeline. We agreed that we’d like to be married by next year. For the past year, I’ve been thinking a proposal was coming but didn’t really know when exactly. For the past few months however, I’ve been thinking he may propose at this family even that we’re hosting next week.
Both my family and his will be there, as well as my closest friends. I’ve been saying jokingly to my friends that I’m secretly hoping he’ll propose then and that would be his perfect occasion. Well the only thing is that we ran into a bit of a challenge lately, as I have been unemployed for a bit more than 2 months.
He has a great job and was very supportive to me. But I think my unemployment may have set him back in saving for a ring. We also went on a fairly expensive trip (for which he paid in full) during that time. We planned the trip before I knew my contract wouldn’t be extended. I will be starting at a new well paying job in the next few weeks so things should settle fairly quickly financially thankfully.
I guess I’m disappointed because I’d like to be engaged by now. And I’ve been waiting…and waiting… and what I thought would have finally been the « perfect » moment isn’t going to happen now, and I feel responsible. Mostly because I didn’t have a job for 2 months and he had to support me financially. He says he has no money for a ring and that he’s been having trouble saving…I find that odd because he’s generally very good with money.
I know it will happen eventually and I need to be patient and understanding, especially because he was so supportive financially and emotionally while I was job hunting. But there’s still a little part of me that’s thinking that he should have started to save money for a ring much earlier than a few months ago if he wanted to propose this summer…Sigh. I’m not going to let this ruin our day because that family even should be lots of fun! I just needed to get it off my chest…since I can’t really talk to him about it. (he wants the proposal to be a surprise and I try to respect that since he’s made it clear to me that he wants to marry me and that we agreed on a loose timeline) ohhhh the joys of waiting.
Post # 2
This again is one of those thought processes of ring= engagement. He could possibly still propose and just won’t have a ring, would it mean you’re any less engaged?
I guess I just don’t understand it. My FI could have proposed with a ring from a gumball machine or with no ring at all and I’d have said yes and been psyched about it.
Post # 3
do a moissanite or asha temp ring in a style you like and then replace it with a diamond later. That is what we are doing due to a few bumps we ran into financially – medical, home and work issues. However we want to be married and I would have been happy with no ring but it would have been frowned upon by friends and family. remember you are planning a lifetime together. No need to start it in debt. Eventually when you can afford it replace it. If you go this route though stick to the round forever brilliant or round style. The other styles show a bit more warmth. Good Luck!
Post # 4
a_day_at_the_fair: I understand your point. I guess I’m traditional in the sense that I would like a proposal with a ring. From precious discussions we’ve had, I really don’t think he’d want to propose without a ring. He’s quite traditional, wanting the proposal to be a surpriae and wanting to pick the ring himself. He’s not even comfortable with me giving him my input directly. Because I wanted a say on the ring i’d be wearing for the rest of my life, we compromised that he wouls ask my best friend for advice when the time comes. Thats great if some couples can get engaged without a ring but that’s just not us
fall2014: I like this idea! I actually wouldn’t mind a moissanite ring at all! They’re very pretty and I don’t know diamonds that well at all and honestly don’t even think I could tell the difference… But again, I don’t think my SO would be ok with that. I imagine he would be a little insulted if I had a comversation with him about the possibility a much cheaper alternative. Again, he’s old fashioned and would see this as a ” failure” as a man that he can’t give me the ring I want. It would really hurt his ego because I know he wants to make me happy and has pride in buying me a traditional diamond ring.
I have trouble relating to this ego thing. For example, even when I was job hunting, he didnt want me to take a part-time job that was ” below” my education level. He said it would make him feel like a failure of a man if I had to do that because it meant that he had failed at supporting me when I needed it. I didn’t really understand but appreciated his help so I respected that and didn’t push more. I should also clarify that he comes from a very traditional family where his dad worked and his mom stayed at home. So the ” man provider” is just normal to him.
Post # 5
mexicalijennie: I don’t get the ego thing either! Ugh some men. I get the traditional family stuff. My guy and I did discuss the future and he said I will be a SAHW b/c he and I want our children to have a parent to be supporting them at afterschool events, homework ect. I would talk to him about moissanite though and let him do some research. My SO (now FI!) didn’t like the idea at first but then he saw how it was ethical as well as cost efficient. I showed him a few Youtube videos on how diamonds are mined and it turned his stomach. Eventually in the future we will change it to a Canadian diamond and make sure the papers are legit that it is NOT a blood diamond. He knows that the research for this will take quite some time as well as saving the funds for one of these since they are more expensive to get a good quality diamond. I would explain to him that marriage is compromise. Let’s compromise on this for now and maybe his wedding day gift to you could be your diamond and wedding band. It would make that day just a little more special for you. Just a thought. Keep us posted!
Post # 6
mexicalijennie: It’s insensitive for you to be annoyed that he needs more time to save for a ring after supporting you for the last couple of months (not to mention paying for the expensive trip you took). Show some understanding and realize that neither of you saw this coming so you will have to flexible. As you said it’s only a small bump in the road.