- 8 years ago
- Wedding: March 2011
I have been reading, but not posting, just trying to remind myself other people are in the same situation of hoping and waiting.
My boyfriend and I started talking about engagement and marriage pretty seriously last summer. I was thrilled of course, but then he bought a house, obviously put a lot of money into it and just wasn’t focused on the engagement. We still talked about it but he let me know it would be a few months before he could do it. He never wanted to get specific because he’s traditional and wants to surprise me.
Well, neither of us are very sneaky around each other and I can tell he’s getting more excited, he’s asking girls about their rings, asking me questions, etc. In January before I left for a long business trip he told me he had a plan in mind and I’d just have to wait, well of course I started thinking maybe after I got home. That didn’t happen, we talked about it a little, he repeated that he does have a plan and I just have to let him do it.
Since I’ve never seen him so serious or excited about it and he’s saying soon instead of some vague down the line type of phrase I’ve been able to wait more patiently. We’re going on a mini vacation in a couple weeks, maybe that’s the plan, I really don’t know but I trust him and know he just wants me to be happy.
Well last night my dad told me my little sister is getting engaged next month. He shouldn’t have told me, it felt like a punch in the stomach. I know my dad had no idea it would hurt me. I foolishly told my boyfriend and he felt really weird about it but I told him please not to change his plan even if we get engaged the same weekend as them, it’ll all be ok, my parents are anticipating two weddings.
I feel really awful about this, I feel like I have waited so long and hoped for so long and now I know it’s happening for my sister. I am very happy for her because her boyfriend is great, they have a little girl together and have lived together for awhile. I feel weird about it and then guilty for not being 100% thrilled.
I feel like I always do the “right” thing, always try to be responsible and my boyfriend is the same way, maybe that’s why it’s taken him so long. I’m older, I graduated school several years ago, I have a great job, I just want to get married and start our family. They’re so young and have already started their’s while in college and no it wasn’t responsible but the way they’ve handled it is very responsible. We won’t live together because it’s not the traditional way, so I moved back in with my parents to pay off my student loans and save for our future. My sisyer who’s never had a full time job is buying a house with her guy. My boyfriend is 6 years older than my sister’s boyfriend yet this young guy is stepping up.
I feel so irrational and I just had to get this out because I’m really having a hard time with it. I just can’t help wishing my boyfriend hadn’t put it off so long but I don’t want that to take away from appreciating whatever it is he’s working on. I know there’s certainly nothing I can do about any of this, I just really needed to vent. It really is a strange feeling to not have any say or much say in the most important step in my life so far.