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Ugh I am dreading this issue. I am super close with my family, who lives an easy 2 hrs away. I have never not spent a Thanksgiving or Christmas with them. My bf's dad/step-mom live about 3.5 hrs away and his mom/step-dad live about 9-10 hrs away. He doesn't really get along with any of them but I don't think we can just NOT every see them for holidays. Thanksgiving won't be so bad I guess because they don't celebrate that, but the idea of not being at my parents' house on Christmas is so weird to me! I'm sure that we'll just have to work out some kind of alternating schedule, but it will be tough.
Yes we have this problem! My family lives in Wisconsin (mostly) and Mr Paris' parents' live just outside Paris while the rest of his family is near Lyon. We take turns. One year Xmas is with my family, the next year we go to see his. They don't celebrate Thanksgiving here and I actually have never been home for it. But maybe one of these years when it's his turn for Xmas I can take a long weekend and go home for Thanksgiving...It's just kind of a long and expensive trip to only stay for a long weekend. What'll really be interesting is when we have kids!
Like Miss Paris, we have the Atlantic ocean between my parents and his parents are about a 7 hour drive while his grandparents are another hour from that. Mostly we do the traveling to their places which works because our aunts and uncles live near our parents too. Our first year together, we did Christmas seperately then he came to mine and last year I went to his, this year we'll go to mine and next year his. For now we are on the switching pattern. Christmas is also a good time for us to get time off from work so it affords us the ability to make the most out of hte trip. I've never been home for a Thanksgiving but we have celebrated Thanksgiving with friends (on the following Saturday since there is no Friday off) the past 2 years. This year, his parents offered to come to our apartment for Thanksgiving and bring a turkey so we are planning our first Thanksgiving together. Living outside of the US has really made me appriciate Thanksgiving and whenever we invite friends for their first Thanksgivng they always love it. I too dread having to plan holidays with children.
In our case we have to travel for both of our familes. But most likely it will always be the case that his is closer b/c we'll probably be on the west coast for our whole lives. We're also a bit reversed in terms of "festiveness". We have a lot of traditions that include my godparents for thanksgiving and Christmas. His family mostly just gets together...and often tags along with my SIL's in-laws who live close to his parents. We've done thanksgiving with his family and my SIL's in-laws for the last two years...and though I want to be a good sport I actually *hate* it. Our thanksgiving is maybe my favorite holiday, and though I'm sure their celebration is fine it's just so different I can't get over it (we usually all eat together at one table and gather in a big circle holding hands and expressing why we're thankful before dinner; there's is much more informal with half the people watching TV during dinner...we'll delay if they Lions' game goes long but never watch TV while eating). I think I'd feel better if it were just his family and not my SIL's in-laws b/c I feel like I'm spending holidays with a bunch of people I don't know. My husband understands this, but there's a limit to what we can do. If we go visit them, we can't force them to have a smaller celebration at their house. We tried suggesting thanksgiving at our place, but his parents were not up for travelling.
We're still working it out. But I totally sympathize...my parents can be difficult but the holidays have always been really great at our house. Though we're not Christian, my sister and my birthdays are both in late december so it's generally a fun time of year (and my Dad usually takes time off). It's really hard to have to compromise on that.
We live about 15 minutes from most of his family. My dad is about 45 minutes away and the my brothers are about an hour and a half away. So we try to make the rounds with everyone but it's hard.
Last year, we tried to start figuring out everything in October and nobody wanted to commit to days or times to get together. So we invited my dad and his girlfriend and FI's parents to our place for dinner. Less than a week before Christmas, his parents tell us they are having dinner at their place with FI brother and family and wanted to know if we wanted to come over. WTH????? They forgot we invited them to our place. And we ended up having just my dad and his girlfriend (after I bougt enough food to make dinner for 6). Then we took my dad and his girlfriend over to FI's parents for dessert. It all worked out but it was very frustrating because we tried to plan ahead.
I'm going to try again to plan early this year. We want to see everybody but we all have to work together to make it work!
As of now his family is 20 mins away and mine are 8hrs away. Last couple years we've started swapping holidays. For example, last year was Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine. This year will be Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his. It's worked pretty well thus far but it also means we travel alot. But oh well, we're both really close to our families so it's important that we get to spend holidays with them. In the same resepct we also end up having to alternate which kid's birthday we get to also. But we try to make it to at least one kid's birthday every year for each sibling.
Don't ask me what we plan to do once we start having kids and wanting to actually spend holidays in OUR home. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it because in a couple months his parents will be 18hrs away in GA. Which means we'll be travelling for ALL holidays. Yay! =D
I'm just happy none of them are a 20hr PLANE ride away!
My parents live far away, his parents live a half hour away. I constantly feel guilty that I spend more time with his parents than my own. My parents are super understanding but it's just hard! On Christmas, we do our own thing -- I fly home to see my parents, he stays here. That isn't ideal, but I figure it's ok until we have kids. I think people think we're weird, but it works for us...
We have a similar situation where his family is 20 mins away and mine is 8 hours. Best solution is just try to make it as equal as possible, switch off on holidays/yrs. I also think his parent needs to understand that your family is far away and you dont see them as often as he sees his parents.We have tried to do a holiday by holiday schedule but it becomes to much of a hassle trying to remember where we were on what holiday, etc. You may have to even spend some holidays apart, i know it isnt the ideal situation but if you want to be fair to both sides you may have to do it! If Christmas is a bigger deal to his parents, I'd suggest spending Thanskgiving and Easter with yours.
yeah, it's hard. My family lives 8 hours away and his family lives like 15 minutes from us. I get upset sometimes because i will love to spend more time with my family, and i don't think it's fair we spend the majority of weekends with his family, but at the time it's impossible to travel to be with my family, because it's expensive for us (we're still buying stuff for our new house).
Right now, the only thing that keeps me upbeat in this situation it's that we will get to travel to be with my family at least one time before Christmas this year! i'm very excited!
We're in a similar situation to some others -- we live in London, his parents live in regional England (4 hours away by train, 5 or so hours driving), and my family is in Australia.
It's not usually practical for us to go to Australia at holiday times, because the airfares are crazy and we'd prefer to go when the weather is really perfect. For now, we spend Christmas at our home, just the two of us -- because I feel bad about always having to spend Christmas with someone's family who isn't mine, especially as we'd also have to stay in a hotel if we went there for Christmas. His parents are invited to come to us, and we usually go to visit between Christmas and New Year instead.
I have a feeling it will be more complicated when there are kids involved, though.
Yep! Hubs and I live, within a mile or 2? of his parents and the rest of his large clan is here surrounding us. My family has moved to opposite coasts--Philadelphia and Seattle. Philly loves coming back home and will drive and stay with us whenever she wants, while Seattle is less convienant. It is expensive to fly out and we will be starting a family soon so travel will be less frequent for us. His family is more on the traditional side as far as holidays and such so we will definetly be staying here for the holidays, especially with the new home. It is going to be weird at first but we will see. You never know how things change when children enter the picture.
Yeah I moved to England December so we naturally spent it with his family, his family lives withing 30 minutes to one hour of us; his sister took some unusual liking to me and initially kept asking me to hang out every week.
I felt bad because my family is one ocean away, he said we can alternate, like we still havent solved it yet, because it's always going to be closer to one family over the other. My in-laws are actually very good and nice to me,I just feel jealous I dont see my family and we see his. I just accept it, and try not to feel too jealous. I try not to hang out with his sister too much because it makes me too sad I cant see my own sister, it was really heartbreaking to say goodbye to her at the airport- we had lived close to each other and are superclose. Time of adjustment.
We don't live in the same state as either family. But we've basically set a precedent by not visiting EITHER family this year for holidays. It is our first year as a family together, so we started our own traditions and did not travel. It's very difficult to balance for us as well because all of my family lives within an hour of each other, but his family is spread across the US. I made a point to fly his mother out from Illinois for our wedding, but I'm not planning on seeing her every year (or even every other year). We're both very independent people, and our families know this. The only kink in my plan is that we're having a baby and I basically told everyone if they wanted to see the baby they had to come to visit us. Which means of course everyone is coming at the most inconvenient times!
We don't live in the same state as either family. But we've basically set a precedent by not visiting EITHER family this year for holidays. It is our first year as a family together, so we started our own traditions and did not travel. It's very difficult to balance for us as well because all of my family lives within an hour of each other, but his family is spread across the US. I made a point to fly his mother out from Illinois for our wedding, but I'm not planning on seeing her every year (or even every other year). We're both very independent people, and our families know this. The only kink in my plan is that we're having a baby and I basically told everyone if they wanted to see the baby they had to come to visit us. Which means of course everyone is coming at the most inconvenient times!
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