- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
I know there have been a dozen topics like this, and I have combed through them… but needed an updated response just to get a sense of where people stand these days on t he topic, and not the topic 2 years ago.
I am a waiting in my early 30’s bee, and have been with my BF a little over 2 years now. We don’t live together, as we both own our own homes. He’s lived in his for almost 8 years, and I’ve been in mine for 3.5 years.
We’ve talked about engagement/marriage and I won’t lie that I haven’t pestered him about the topic more than I should… but I am impatient. And I can’t help that if he can talk about what his bachelor party will be like, or who his best man is going to be… not my fault that the thoughts get in my head! *lol*
Anyway, we have started talking about the logistics of our future a few months ago. He is dead set on not proposing until we live together, whereas I want that commitment before living together. Yes, we are committed to one another, BUT I’m not sure on giving up my home and then finding out 6 months later that we’re not compatible with one another living together – so then I have nothing and have to move in with my parents since I sold (hopefully) my place to live with him.
Maybe that’s the pessimist in me, mainly because I have been burned in relationships before and want to protect myself. He has as well, so I do understand how he wants to make sure that this is right before we walk down that aisle. I, however, think that if he wanted to marry me… it wouldn’t matter our living situation. Or, that him making me live with him is the only way that I’ll get a ring and we get married. No on wants to be forced into anything, and I don’t think what I am asking him is really asking for too much. Call me old fashioned. Sorry. He’s actually lived with an ex before, and she is actually the reason why he bought his house. They were together a year before he bought the house, lived together a year, then she moved out so they could work on things, and then they broke up a year later. I have never lived with a guy.
So, we got to discussing it again yesterday and it really got me thinking about the topic. I know that it would be a great step for us, but don’t want to give up entirely what I believe – a commitment of engagement so we’re not just playing house. I get his points of the financial aspect, since we pay similar bills which would save us both money and him being able to save more for a ring. I did ask if after I moved in, if a proposal would happen within 4 months, and he said that was probable. I asked about two months and he said that it wouldn’t. So, I know that would be the direction… I just don’t want to turn in that impatient person where the 4 months comes and goes, I don’t get anything and I become bitter about it all. And yes, I know that would be something to be discussed when a decision is finally made.
I probably sound like a witch with a B, but I am happy with my relationship… I am just impatient to start the next chapter of my life and want it now instead of waiting. I am not getting any younger, lol.