Post # 1
My soon-to-be fiance and I are both living with our parents while in school. My parents are alcoholics, and he is having his fair share of problems at home. I am going to be entering grad school in the fall, and he is taking a year off school to try to figure out where he wants to go career wise. I am unsure if I should bring up to him the possibility of moving away from home together. **This is not because our parents dislike their child’s significant other. Both sets of parents heartily approve of their child’s choices.** We are very stable (5.5 years and going) as a couple, both have held the same jobs since graduating high school, and both have the same ideas about money, so I’m not worried about those aspects. What I’m most worried about is the cost of mosivng away from home. Both of us are unhappy with our living arrangements now, but feel that financially it would be a stretch to move out. What I want to know is, is living away from home during shool worth the costs? There would be a chance I would have to take out a larger student loan than I had anticipated to make it work, but at this point in my life, I’m just about willing to do it. Our families both have their own set of problems, but we each feel like we are caught in the middle, like our families depend on us to function and we are at the end of our ropes emotionally with them. So,
Was your experience living away from home worth the extra money/ stresses it caused?
Were you “ready” to move out, or were you very nervous about it?
Do you regret moving out/ not moving out?
Post # 3
I lived at home during school and for one year after (rent-free – thank-you parents) to save up a down payment. I am SO GLAD that I did it otherwise we could never have afforded to buy anything. I think that if you can stick it out at home during school, you will be in a better place to move out later.
I moved out when I was about 24 years old; it seemed like a good time. I was also happy to live on my own for a little bit before moving in with Fiance. It’s a good experience to have I think.
Post # 4
I lived around 2 hours from my college so I had to move out at 17. So I guess I can’t really give the perspective on choice! However I do know how much extra stress having to pay all the bills can be. There’s a thousand things that you never think of; electricity, gas, phone, internet, maintainence, garbage and all those things that you’ve previously shared that you have to buy; vaccuum, iron, just little things that you don’t give a second thought to.
It sounds like your home situation might be stressful so I guess it’s just a balance of whether the extra stress the money would cause would be worth it for losing the family stress. I can say that my relationship with my parents improved immerasrably since I moved out. Good luck with your decision!
If you are quite sure that you will be able to repay studet loans then I would get one for peace of mind and so that you are not forced ito working(or working more hours if you already work) and jepordizing your grades.
Post # 5
I had poor family dynamics when I moved away for school and it was the best decision I made for myself. Getting away from them really helped put some perspective on my life and reduced my stress.
Post # 6
Obviously you have other issues than just money that play into this, but my experience says no. I am over $50,000 in debt from student loans and would have saved so much by living at home. It is a huge regret of mine! That said, if you can find affordable housing than it could easily work.
Post # 7
My living situation during college wasn’t the greatest. I was worn out mentally and emotionally from it. It was getting so bad that I house hopped for awhile just to get away and focused on school.
My advice is that if you two can manage it and make it work, then go for it. If not, then spend more time away from home if possible.
Post # 8
Well, in my situation my grandparents (They had custody of me from 14-18) were charging me $200 in rent (+$100 that my great grandmother sent them for costs of having me there) and I was buying my own groceries, paying for my car insurance, gas and cell phone and they had insane rules like not being allowed in the kitchen after 6:30pm (I didn’t get home until 6) and they would get mad if I had my fiance over. It was just a very tense situation.
So, my fiance and I moved in with his grandmother and ever since then I am so much happier. We don’t pay rent here, but it would be worth it if we did because she is so much more easy going.
I think if you are truly miserable at your parents’ house and you have been together long enough and you can afford it, I think you would be happier and you’d probably do better in school. I spent so much time upset that I didn’t focus on school so my grades weren’t great. I’d also try to spend as much time at friends’ houses as possible so I didn’t have to go home so I never studied.
Post # 9
@hopeandpray: I agree.
I moved out and lived with my Darling Husband (then Boyfriend or Best Friend to FI) at a young age. It was certainly stressful at times, but my home life was much more stress. It taught me lessons I would not have learned otherwise. Of course I made mistakes, but the consequences were much smaller and less damaging compared to what they could have been if I made the same mistakes later on. I can honestly say that I am without a doubt much more responsible and practical than virtually all my friends/classmates/etc., and I credit this to the added responsibility I faced. Many of my friends who still live at home/are supported by their parents are very irresponsible and have little common sense regarding finances/jobs/etc. (not all but most). You should thnk hard about whether or not you are committed, practical, and responsible enough to take this on. Be honest with yourself, which I know can be hard. If you are ready, I think it is a great idea and a great opportunity for important life experiences. I don’t think moving out is right for everyone, but it was definitely the best choice for me.
Post # 10
I do not have THAT much student loan debt yet. I have about 12,000… which is a LOT to me, but in the grand scheme of things it’s not that bad. My guy only has about $3000 and he can pay that off as soon as we graduate. I should get enough, or just about enough scholarships to cover my year of graduate school. I’m working two jobs this summer to save up money for that semester, as between august and december I will not be able to work. My guy would be able to work full time, but I’d hate to leave that much responsibility on his shoulders alone. My department won’t let me due to the demanding schedule. Which is where the loan would come in if need be… Anyway, I really appreciate all of the input. Keep them coming. I still haven’t decided if I’m going to bring it up to him or not.
Post # 11
I went to school five hours from home so living with my parents wasn’t an option regardless of the fact we had a great relationship so I moved out when I was 18. I definitely took onmore debt that I would have at home (40,000) despite the fact that I worked full time and lived frugally. I have to say it made college not that much fun but was an experience that probably made me grow up fast and if I say so myself I usually think Inwas more mature than a lot of my friends. Living alone has its own set of stresses because even in finals week groceriesstill need toPBS purchased and you still need clean laundry etC. I would probably be tempted to doit again of there was a home situation that was less than ideal.
Post # 12
@MsPoodles: +1. That’s been my experience, except I moved into an apartment with roommates, not my boyfriend. I moved out at 17 to go to undergrad and while it was a challenge at first, I’m 23 now and I am so thankful for the experience.
Post # 13
I moved out at 18, lived in the dorm for one year because it was required, then moved in with SO. We have lived in the same place, near campus, since then. I graduated undergrad last June, and now am persuing my pharmD degree. We are now moving out of the city to somewhere where we can see ourselves living as “adults” instead of “students”.
When I moved out, things were seriously coming to a head with my grandparents, who raised me. My grandmother and I just DIDN’T get along, mostly because she had some serious mental issues that she has since gotten meds for and with age has just overall chilled out. She was insane; she would ask me to do chores, I would do them, but they were NEVER good enough for her, so she would do them again, all the while screaming at me. All I remember from before I moved out was getting screamed at, and crying pretty much every day (I’m a very sensitive person and I cry over pretty much EVERY emotion – anger, fear, happiness, sadness, etc.).
Fast forward to moving in with SO…I love living with him, making our own rules and taking care of ourselves. I didn’t realize how awful and depressed I felt back home until I saw how amazing it was to rule my own life.
my story and 2 cents.
Post # 14
you hit the nail on the head. My parents are alcoholics, and they are both depressed. Both of my brothers have already moved out, and I’m the only child left. When they fight with each other, I either get dragged into it, feel like I have to physically protect them both, stay with my boyfriend to avoid the violence/yelling, etc. His dad has some health (read:Mental) issues that are tearing his family apart. I really think it’d be worth it to talk to him seriously about moving out. Thanks for sharing.
Post # 16
My parents are really nice people, but his are not. They are constantly fighting with each other… LOTS of problems at his house. He’s from IL and I’m from FL. We had to choose between living in FL with not much school options, or living in an insane environment up north with them because we could not afford an apartment while going to school full-time. Well, it was a living hell living with them up north. Now, I feel like when we buy a house, I want to buy one as far away from them as possible. The environment at home was too stressful, and I was constantly at my boiling point.
Everyone’s experience will be different than your own. To me, it’s worth every penny to be away from his parents. But at the same time it’s worth every penny saved to be with my parents again! I WISH there were more schools in FL with my degree path or I would be at home saving $$ for a house and going to school in a stress-free environment.