Post # 1
Hey all! I’ve been reading without posting much… so here goes:
Backstory: I grew up in Michigan, lived in the same house my entire life, went to school 30 minutes away (Go Blue!) and then decided I wanted a change of pace. My fiance grew up in New Jersey and moved to Michigan in middle school. His parents are from India, and they moved for grad school while most of their family lives in India, London, or other far away places. After college I moved to Georgia, my then boyfriend moved to South Carolina (2 hours away!) and before long we got engaged! Yay! At this point I already missed my family, but Michigan is not ideal for the job market these days. We moved to Houston for his job fully anticipating it to be a short-term thing. We are planning to move at the end of this year and I’ll be honest, I’ve been looking forward to it. I don’t hate Houston, but I’m a Michigan girl who actually like winter and this summer has nearly killed me with the heat and humidity. Plus I really miss my family and am starting to wonder where we’ll be once we have kids.
We were all set to move to Philly, which would be great jobs for both of us and at least within driving distance to home. Well… today he got a fantastic job offer from someone very high in the company for a position here in Houston. It only makes sense that we take it – it’s a great job, I will still have a good job, done deal. I’m proud of him, but I was so looking forward to moving back up north…
This post is more just to get my emotions out, and wondering how everyone else deals with being far from home/family? What are your plans when kids enter the picture? With his job it looks like we may be moving a fair amount in the next 20 years, and although I’m proud of all his accomplishments, all that moving is a little daunting to me. Anyone else move a lot?
Post # 3
Oh, I hope you enjoy your move and do what’s best for both of you. I think that from either location, you’re more likely to fly home!
It’s tough to be away from family, and even when it’s fun to find a new place it’s no fun to realize that you can’t just drop by, or see your folks for a few hours at a time. It’s tough when your visits are 2-3 days (or more!) of 24/7 contact. That can be overwhelming.
When I was finsihing high school, I wanted to go away from home so much… and I did, then I went further away for grad school. Now we’ve moved back so that we’re halfway between our hometowns (albeit 500 miles or so from each) and it still feels like so far away. Even though the drive is about 8 hours I flew the last time I visited my parents.
My advice to you: take this chance to live in TX and see what it’s like. If it doesn’t work out, learn from it and use that preference to find a new place to live. You’re young, so explore — you’re not commiting to anything yet!
Post # 4
I am VERY close with my family (who live in upstateNY). FI was working in DC and I moved down there to be closer with him. Then he got offered his dream job in CA. We moved the 3,000 miles and its very difficult being away from my fam. The thing is – he is doing what he loves and for me, home is where he is. You can read about my experience in crosscountry living at http://crosscountrywed.blogspot.com
As far as planning a family, I said that I was hoping that we would be able to get settled closer to our families but his job will likely have us moving a lot. I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Post # 5
I completly understand how you feel… I grew up in CT, went to school in upstate NY, and lived there for 1.5 years after college… then got a fantastic job offer in Richmond, Va and moved in 1.5 weeks. That was in Feb. Then in April, my dad got a fantastic job in New Orleans (he had been laid off since X-mas). I now have my gramma still in CT (very close to her – 10 hr. drive) and my parents are in NOLA (15 hr. drive).
The way that I’ve gotten through it is through the phone and email!!! Thank goodness for cell phones… now with wedding planning, I am doing everything by myself, and at times just wish that my mom could be enjoying the time with me… she hasnt even seen my dress yet.
I understand all the emotions of not having family close by. You know you’ve got a ton of support here at the hive 🙂
Post # 6
It is definitely hard being away from friends and family. Planning a wedding by myself is very lonely at times. We have lived in 4 houses in 4 years(Hawaii, Massachusetts, Philadelphia, and my FI wants to take a job in Bahamas)My FI is a huge family man, so he takes it even harder then me. We make every effort to still be there for family events, but you cant make all of them. I guess it comes down to what you can live with, and what will keep you happy. Now is the time to take your hits for your career(thats how we feel), but keep your goals in sight. Make a timeline for kids, finances, long term house…We have a five year plan and are serious about sticking to it. Good luck!
Post # 7
Thanks for the support! We feel the same about taking the hits for career now, so that down the road we’ll be set up well. I’m just ready to have a decision – and I thought Philly was it – so now we’re back to making pro/con charts so we can feel confident about our decision haha. I told people and started my applications for jobs and grad school and everything, and now it might be for nothing. Either way I think we’ll be fine, I just miss my family! Going home for labor day will be nice 🙂
Post # 8
I’m extremely close with my very extensive family ack home in Chicago and our first two months of marriage have been the longest I’ve been away from them! One thing that’s helped is webcams…I love using google video. I can show my sisters things in our house and it’s just so much more real than phone conversations. I also adore writing and receiving letters, so I plan to do that a lot, especially with my grandparents.
I can’t say I’m completly alone, because hubs’ mom, dad and brother live here in SoCal, but they’re not completely my family yet, but I’m sure we’ll get there. We may be anywhere in the world by the time we start to have kids, so I’m not sure about how we’ll handle that, but I’m sure I’ll always try to stay connected to a church community.
Post # 9
I’m about 2.5 hours from my family, which doesn’t seem like much, but with schedules, it’s hard to get away. I definitely don’t stop in and chat on my way home from the grocery store. It’s kind of hard because I am so close to my family but I moved a lot as a kid, so living in a different city isn’t anything new. I keep in touch with my family through phone calls and text/picture messaging. It’s not the same, but it’s the best we can do.
My SO is 13 hours from his family and I wonder about children as well. I would want our kids to know his side of the family. I never really got to know my dad’s side of the family well because they were usually more than 10 hours from where we were.
Making trips back home a priority is a good way to handle it. And when kids come, don’t be afraid to let them spend a week with the grandparents by themselves. That way they’ll get to know their grandparents and that side of the family. Those are memories they’ll always cherish and it’s a wonderful experience for kids to get a chance to have a little independence.
Post # 10
I live far but it’s doable! and with a new job and higher salary, you’ll have more means for travel. Plus you’re closer to the gulf and florida and cruises and inexpensive FUN travel 😛 (i’m totally biased, i would never go to michigan – FREEZING!)
Post # 11
We moved following the wedding to Dallas, TX from California where my immediate family was. It has been hard because I’ve only been here for two weeks and know absolutely no one. But I’ve been trying to stay busy by learning how to cook and checking out new restaurants and malls. Thankfully, all the supermarkets and stores I’ve been used to in California are just as close here, if not closer. Although I am starting to miss my family, I’m sure that things will get better as soon as I get to know more people.
Post # 12
If it helps, I grew up moving quite a bit due to my Dad’s job. We never stayed anywhere more than 3 years and I moved 8 times before high school. As a kid, I didn’t like it all that much but it made me more outgoing and not afraid of change. I’m so glad I got to have all the experiences I did- we even lived in Japan for 3 yrs. When we moved before high school, though, I made my Dad promise that we would stay until h.s. was over for me and they did.
Now with Facebook and Skype and video phones, it would be that much easier to stay in touch. Good luck with your decision making. I know it’s hard. It’s looking like we will be moving before the wedding. Just 2 hours away, but it’s still a big decision.