- 3 years ago
First of all, please excuse any language mistake that I might (will ^^’) make in here 🙂
It has been a pretty grim couple of days and I would like to get some external advice on what currently casts a huge shadow on my relationship.
SO and Ihave been together since 2010, living together now in a shared flat for 2 years. We met through our shared passion: we like adventure, expedition, and travelling with particular goals, be it to make a photo-documentary or set ourselves a physical challenge, was the blood of our relationship.
SO is literally the kindest person I have ever met: someone very nice, very reasonnable, and trustworthy. He is the kind of guys that makes living together in the broad sense easy and natural. So what can possibly go wrong?
I am the type of person that needs constant action, plans, projects: If I cannot work towards a goal, and am left bubbling about, I get easily depressed with feeling of worthlessness and a great deal of frustration.
Before this year, when we were still students, goals were our adventurous trips. Now that life has settled down for him as he found a regular 9-5pm job, I just do not see what we could possibly share again in the future, even if I have tried to come up with plenty of ideas on how to live our life in a way that fits our interests and our schedule.
Now the real issue: I am bored with him. Not because we cannot do what we used to, but because despite his huge amount of qualities, he is someone that lacks motivation and drive, and it kills me.
We never do anything if I am not the one deciding and planning for it. From the beginning to the end. I never get from him an idea, an input, a suggestion, on anything, he just “doesn’t know”. If I ask him if he’s got an idea/plan for the week-end = “I don’t know”; Valentine’s Day? “I don’t know”, my birthday? “I don’t know”, Christmas? “I don’t know”, any possible long we/holidays = “I don’t know”.
If I show him things I’m interested in, he won’t ask any question, or show particular interest besides a quick glance off his computer screen: “I cannot share your passions”.. well… if he cannot share my new interests, despite me trying my best to share his, and if we cannot share the old ones anymore… what are we going to do…
My mood went very down last week on his birthday: I am not a brillant cook, but I make my best to cook something tasty for dinner, made a small card with one of the very few pictures of us together, wrote how much he was important to me. The card was left on the kitchen table, then on the floor for days after falling off until I randomly found it while cleaning. The dinner was eating in the bed, him reading mangas online and me trying to steal a couple of words while he was completely oblivious. That’s all that I see with him now: The screen on the computer from when he gets up until when he decides to go sleeping, the “I don’t know what to do when”… (and I won’t look for it), the “you are good at filling up my diary!” (but it’s not my job), and I’m bored and tired to try to make life interesting and really have the feeling of pulling a huge weight behind me that does not encourage anything.
It’s hard to put everything down in words but I hope talking with you bees will help me explain my fears and solve the problem.
Don’t get me wrong: I don’t care about the travels, the expeditions, the old stuff… I am just really really really afraid to ask myself the question: “are we really looking in the same direction?”… Because if his way of living is just being carelessly carried on with the flow, without passion, drive, without trying to achieve anything, and only doing what his family/friends/self have always been doing without a change… It’s just not for me..