Living situation

posted 3 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
42490 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsChemE:  He said he has other options. Let him use one of them. You are entitled to start off your married life without a roommate if you so choose, just as he is.

Post # 4
Member
6505 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MrsChemE:  I would let him utilize those other options that you mentioned. I would want to start my life with my SO without worrying about other people’s stuff in my apartment and I wouldn’t want to worry about random weekend “visitors” either.

Post # 5
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

The one thing I’d consider is that if he doesn’t mind you living there, would the portion of rent you’d be saving give you extra $ that you need for the wedding or anything?  If it’s for 6 months or a year, might not be bad.  I’d give up caring about it if it meant I had an extra 4k or something to go towards wedding costs for someone that would only be there two nights a week.  Just a thought.

 

Post # 6
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

He is currently an equal partner in the home, and I think it’s between him and your FI to figure it out.

The best solution may be to move somewhere else.

Post # 7
Member
3077 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@orchidblooms:  this is a good point!

I’d be torn if I was you as well…you don’t have the easiest decision in the world to make. What does your FI think?

Post # 10
Member
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If it was understood when they got the apt that it would become yours and your FI’s why would that ruin the friendship?  And why is he expecting to get to stay?  I certainly thing that FI should suggest he use his other options, but he is welcome to drop in if need be, but not be a regular in your new home.  And why would he still need a ROOM full of stuff if he only planned to stay 2 nights or so a week.  I used to stay with my DH (then BF/FI) 3 nights a week, and still only had a tiny stack of clothes in the corner his room. My husband had a roommate also when I was staying there who was only there occasionally, I really didn’t think it was that bad, and he was loud and obnoxious in a tiny North End apt.  I dunno how much the mentality of roommate change after getting married, but 10k of savings for your own house or whatever later to put up with a guy you get along with there 2-3x a week?  On weekdays when you guys will be a work and just winding down the night?  Might not be so bad..?

ETA: just saw your last response, if your FI wants him out too, then I revert to my original thought.  If that was the agreement, what’s the problem, why would the friendship be ruined?

Post # 12
Member
989 posts
Busy bee

@MrsChemE:  I don’t think asking him to move out is a mean or friendship ruining thing – this has always been understood. Besides that, it’s not practical to have a part time roommate at the start of your marriage and also have part of a house you can’t utilise because someone may be there 2-3 nights a week. I would think the roommate would be uncomfortable with continuing to stay in the place with a newlywed couple!

It sounds as though it’s best that your FI sorts it out, he’s aware of the original agreement between them, and if he’s been friends with the guy, he’ll know best how to deal with it. It might be easier (although more expensive) to find somewhere new.

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