Post # 1
So FI and I will be married May 2015. FI is currently living with a roommamte, in the apt that it was understood would become ours after the wedding. Roommate is a life long friend, relationship between all of us is great. Roommate works here in town, but is engaged to be married summer 2014 on the otherside of the state. He works here but wants to live on the otherside of the state with his new wife. So, the lease ends this August, he moves out, I move in, right? Wrong.
Roommate can work from home sometimes and has fridays off, so he needs a place to stay in town two nights per week to get to work. Rest of the time he will be living on the otherside of the state with his wife. He says he has no problem if I move in, but this means that I have to keep the extra bedroom open for him as his bedroom 2 nights per week, and the storage room, which would become my walk in closet stays full of his stuff. FI and I can sign the lease in Aug and make the rent without him, but I feel like I’m kicking him out. He says he has other options for places to stay, like with friends of his wife, a co-worker, or a discounted hotel through work. I dont want to cause a problem in their relationship, FI and roommates, but he gets to have a house with his wife and start their lives and I cannot do that because he is still rooming here. He also said that he and his wife might come down and stay the weekends … again, I feel like I cannot have my own home, while he gets to.
What can I do?
Post # 3
@MrsChemE: He said he has other options. Let him use one of them. You are entitled to start off your married life without a roommate if you so choose, just as he is.
Post # 4
@MrsChemE: I would let him utilize those other options that you mentioned. I would want to start my life with my SO without worrying about other people’s stuff in my apartment and I wouldn’t want to worry about random weekend “visitors” either.
Post # 5
The one thing I’d consider is that if he doesn’t mind you living there, would the portion of rent you’d be saving give you extra $ that you need for the wedding or anything? If it’s for 6 months or a year, might not be bad. I’d give up caring about it if it meant I had an extra 4k or something to go towards wedding costs for someone that would only be there two nights a week. Just a thought.
Post # 6
He is currently an equal partner in the home, and I think it’s between him and your FI to figure it out.
The best solution may be to move somewhere else.
Post # 7
@orchidblooms: this is a good point!
I’d be torn if I was you as well…you don’t have the easiest decision in the world to make. What does your FI think?
Post # 8
I just dont want to cause a problem between the two of them. And if we had him live here, it would only save us about 900, while still not nothing, I dont want to put up with a whole year for that. We thought about moving somewhere else, but if we do that we would spend more than two months rent in the current place to do first, last, and security. Also, he wouldnt stay here, because he wouldnt want to take on all the rent/bills, or get a new roommate, because he said he doesnt want to deal with that.
I agree that I do not want to be a part of the conversation FI would have with him. But what could he say that wouldnt reuin their friendship? I thought about suggestiong FI say something like if you ever get stuck and cant find a place to stay one night you are welcome here, but we want to make our home here. … ?
Post # 9
@soontobemrsm11 FI wants him to move out, I know that sounds mean. Obviously we would never ask him to move out before the lease is up, thats not right. All of this would be taking place for the signing of the new lease in aug. When they got the apt last summer, roommate said that he wanted me and FI to like it most of all cause we would be the ones spending the most time there. My main concern is hurting their friendship.
Post # 10
If it was understood when they got the apt that it would become yours and your FI’s why would that ruin the friendship? And why is he expecting to get to stay? I certainly thing that FI should suggest he use his other options, but he is welcome to drop in if need be, but not be a regular in your new home. And why would he still need a ROOM full of stuff if he only planned to stay 2 nights or so a week. I used to stay with my DH (then BF/FI) 3 nights a week, and still only had a tiny stack of clothes in the corner his room. My husband had a roommate also when I was staying there who was only there occasionally, I really didn’t think it was that bad, and he was loud and obnoxious in a tiny North End apt. I dunno how much the mentality of roommate change after getting married, but 10k of savings for your own house or whatever later to put up with a guy you get along with there 2-3x a week? On weekdays when you guys will be a work and just winding down the night? Might not be so bad..?
ETA: just saw your last response, if your FI wants him out too, then I revert to my original thought. If that was the agreement, what’s the problem, why would the friendship be ruined?
Post # 11
@pinkshoes – it shouldn’t be a problem but cclearly he is thinking about staying so something might have changed….
Post # 12
@MrsChemE: I don’t think asking him to move out is a mean or friendship ruining thing – this has always been understood. Besides that, it’s not practical to have a part time roommate at the start of your marriage and also have part of a house you can’t utilise because someone may be there 2-3 nights a week. I would think the roommate would be uncomfortable with continuing to stay in the place with a newlywed couple!
It sounds as though it’s best that your FI sorts it out, he’s aware of the original agreement between them, and if he’s been friends with the guy, he’ll know best how to deal with it. It might be easier (although more expensive) to find somewhere new.