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I'll be honest - it was weird at first. Don't get me wrong, I loved it, especially the first night we spent together alone in our new apartment when FI whispered in my ear "this time we don't have to spend all our time worrying about when you go home because you are home." But still it takes time to adjust to being in the same space as that other person.
We had to learn and adapt - build in alone time for each of us and delegate chores. There were a few fights but nothing really major. It's just an adjustment. I think it was harder for me because I was also in a totally new city so not only was I learning to live with FI, I was trying to learn the city and make new friends. It can be overwhelming!
I agree with phedre. It was weird at first for sure. We have been living together for the past 2 years. At first, I would cling to him in an effort to make up for the time that was lost during our LDR. As time passes, you sort of move past that and get used to having them around. It feels sort of like I take it for granted now, especially since my husband sometimes has to go away on business with his new job.
my FI and I dated for 3 years, then he moved away and we were in a LDR for a year. After he came back we decided to live together(something we said we would never do). I'm not going to lie.. it is hard. Especially after you've been living on your own. So many differences, so many different habits. We've lived together for an exact year now, and it is getting a lot better.
Don't get me wrong, it has it's really good sides too, but just be prepared for some agreements you thought you'd never have! lol
OMW, these are great insights! Thanks for sharing your wisdom from LDRs past... :)
Thanks ladies...I am a realist and I know we will have some arguments...the FI...not so much...at least when it comes to this subject. He grew up with 1 sister...he is the oldest and they are 16 years apart. He lived with her for like 2 years before college? I have 6 siblings and I fought with one of them everyday...LOL. It was such a relief to have my own home so I am nervous about not having it anymore.
I'm in the same boat as you JamaicaBride. I've lived on my own for about 7 years now and I've been in LDR with my FI for almost 3 years. He'll be moving to my town about 4 days before our wedding in May! I'm so nervous about how it's going to be! We're both pretty stubborn and very independent minded....
Well, thanks for all the insight ladies!
I LOVE the new LDR board! Thanks for sharing!
The longest Mr. RB and I have spent together was a month at his place... we got into a real routine of playing house, but it wasn't the same as what our future will be.
I had lunch ready for him every day, dinner when he got home from work... I'd clean the house, go for a run, go grocery shopping... and then we'd go out with friends. It wasn't really real. I wasn't working. I was never tired. I was just happy to get to spend this time with him.
I think living together isn't going to feel real... it will feel like I'm just visiting for awhile lol. It will be a big adjustment, but hopefully it goes smoothly!
I'm a little nervous about this transition as well. We've never lived together (even when he was stationed here in VA) - so we'll go from an LDR straight to being married and living in our house. We're both prepping for the change, and I'm sure it's something we'll need to figure out as we go along.
ditto @phedre: btw my best friend lives in nola and i come there quite a few times, we can definitely meet up if you'd like... i know there are quite a few bees that are in the nola area, and we've been talking about a meetup.
@ja: your guy seems sooo sweet and i think that he'll do whatever he needs to to make sure that the three of you stay on cloud nine, you know?
Okay well we don't live together (waiting to do that till after marriage) but we are now in the same city after 4 years apart. It's great to not have to go long periods of time between seeing each other.
To be honest, though, one adjustment was that I was used to planning my time around ME and now I have to plan my time around US. Not that that is necessarily bad, but I am still getting used to not just having my own schedule anymore, if that makes sense...
I've been a little nervous about this myself. We had our first "trial run" this past month while Mr Spin was here for a rotation. It went surprisingly smooth, actually. I was worried that my slovenly ways would irritate him and we'd get in a fight, but I kinda forgot how laid back he is. ^_^ Weird, huh?
Although, I would say that the money issue was where we had a little uncomfortableness. Since he was only here for a month, I didn't ask him to pitch in for utilities or rent or anything, but he did buy most of the groceries and replaced my frying pan after he scorched mine (sheesh ^_^). But when he comes back for another rotation, we're going to have to make a change. I mean, I have to have SO much more food in the house when he's here, we use more electricity and gas, he needed a key for the apt and the building, and I had to get internet because he needs it for his classwork, etc. etc. So, I've been incurring extra costs and adding to my monthly bills and I really don't want to resent him for it, so we're going to have to talk about splitting things up a little more fairly for next time.
At university we practically lived together there; we were either at mine or at his, rarely ever apart (but without living in each others pockets too much). We were then thrust into not seeing each other for 3 weeks, that killed. Whenever we have a holiday together - two weeks of just each other, we just slot right back in. I think it will be different and we have a house and have to look after it, do cooking, cleaning, decorating etc, but I can't wait for when that time comes!
The transition was a little bit difficult to get used to...we were both a little unprepared!
I think the key was to spend time together, but give each other space! We solved that by early on making sure to have separate girl and guy time with friends usually weekly, and gradually we're getting used to being together all the time.
Getting used to little things is probably like anyone getting used to living with someone else for the first time. We've have our squabbles over the toothpaste, and dirty clothes on the floor and dishes and bad habits....but it's so wonderful to be together!
The most important thing for us has to be continuing to do fun things and date like we used ot on our rare visits. We can't do them every time we see eachother now, but we can't forget to do it either!
(I've found it's much harder to be apart after marriage...we definitely have a different, closer connection)
We were LD for 5 years before we moved in together and later got engaged. And after all that time apart, the travel, the living out of suitcases, the phone calls, the dificulty balancing our schedules to make time to travel to see one another, the lonely meals, (I could go on and on...) I must say:
It.Is.SOOOOOOOOOO.Amazing!!!!
While there is always a period of adjustment, I truly believe that the tons of GREAT things about living together outweigh the difficult things by a TON!!!
You will love it!
My fiance and i are both in residency, so we have been apart for 2 years and we will be apart another year after we were married, we had a foundation of 3 years together before we moved to different cities and we see each other about once a month but I have to tell you this sucks! There are so many days when I just want to see him and not talk to him on the phone..but back to the post, sometimes I do wonder whats its going to be like when we're married. Of course I want to live with him but will I miss my space? Miss not having to pick up his dirty clothes he leaves all over the floor? I dont know it will probably be a big adjustment
That is my fear... the things that change once we're in the same city and the same house. I hope we'll be in the same city before the wedding. But, the same house won't happen until after the wedding. I often wonder if I'll be able to deal with him there 24/7. I am very independent and require my "me" time on the weekends. It should be interesting to see how it works out. I'm expecting a few hurt feelings before we work out the kinks. I know me... I know I'm going to be very vocal about him just giving me my space to BREATH. As a mother, I don't get a lot of this, but once the kids are down for bed... the night is MINE!!! I get a lot of me time during the late night hours and I know he'll want his time with me and I know I'll just need at least an hour to myself without him talking, touching or even looking at me. I know I don't even want to him him breathing in the same room. LOL!!! I've warned him and he says he'll be able to deal because he'll need the same.
Mr. D and I have lived together for a month now. It hasn't always been easy, I'm not going to lie! We have little tiffs fairly often, but nothing huge yet! Our biggest issue so far has been money, and it's one that we're slowly resolving.
Food has been another issue. I had no idea HOW MUCH Mr. D ate. Oh man, that guy puts down a lot of food. I don't know how his parent's didn't go bankrupt... FIL Doxie is 6'9", BIL Doxie is 6'8", and Mr. D is 6'10". I swear he goes through a metric ton of food per week. I'm still trying to get used to buying my favorite cereal one day, only to have it gone two days later!
I think the biggest transition is that you learn to spend time doing things apart even though you are PHYSICALLY together!
When you are LD or even SDR but not living together when you are together you are actually spending time doing things TOGETHER - when you live together obviously you can't ALWAYS be doing things together! So learn to do things individually even though you are physically in the same house and sometimes the same room!
As time passes you get really used to doing things individually and you have to work on spending quality time together. It is hard to find that balance and of course their will be some arguments but living together is sooooo worth it 
@ Future Mrs. Martin- I couldn't agree with you more. It was so exciting to be together after being apart that we started doing everything together. Then I started to feel like I was losing myself and had to find my way back to doing things by myself...after years and years of doing everything by and for myself!
It is nice to have someone to share your day with, although it goes much better if I get home and have some me time first. The worst part so far has been my morning exercise routine is being tested. Having someone to cuddle with, sing me songs, and say just five more minutes makes it very hard to leave!
This is a great post. I'm moving in with my BF after what will be 2.5 years of long distance relationship this June (I NEVER thought it would end up being this long apart, and 2.5 yrs seems so long - can't believe we made it (well I can, but still, it seems like sooo long! How did we survive it!?) I am SO thrilled to be living together, but a little nervous about the transition.
@RB: I definitely feel like my situation will be similar to yours - the longest we spent together was 3 weeks and we so got into the playing house routine, I would cook and clean, not working, never tired....I know the reality will be much different. I already know he has some habits that will irk me (i.e. leaving stuff eveeeeeeeerywhere......he is so messy and I am the classic type A neat freak!), he is also much more extroverted and I am more introverted. It might be good, as long as I can get my alone time while he goes out - but I will need to work extra hard to make a life for myself and not rely on him and he might have to cut his going out with friends back a tiny bit ...:) but I am excited and figure we will navigate this stuff, it will be worth it in the end!
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For the now-marriage bees that were in LDRs..or those that are now living together after LDR...what was it like being able to see your SO every day as opposed to a planned trip or every few months?
My FI and I have been in a LDR for a little over 3 years. We are getting married next month and I will be moving to his city in January. We get along great now and we are very comfortable in each other's space but I must admit, I worry about the transition from LDR to permanent, everyday living together....
So...how was it after marriage/moving??