Just wondering...how many bees out there have lived with their FI's before tying the knot? For those that did, would you go back and wait if you could?
My hubby to be is planning to move in with me before the end of the year and to be completely honest...I'm a little scaredfreaking out!!! I've been on my own for a little over 2 years now and I LOVE it. I love having my own place/space and I'm really afraid of losing that. Is this nomal? Or could this be a major warning sign?
My fiance and I have been together for 7 years. We've lived together for 2 and a half years. We lived in the dorms for a couple years at school and were always in each other's rooms. Then we both wanted to get an apartment and it just seemed silly to have two separate apartments when we're together all the time.
My mom wasn't totally sold on it, so we got twin beds. We would push them together though. haha
When we moved to our current apartment (we moved in August) we got a full sized bed. My sister had a full sized bed that she was going to get rid of to get two twin sized beds for my nephews. So we did a little swapping. While we had a bigger bed with the two twins pushed together, we no longer have a crack to contend with.
I love living with my fiance. He is my best friend and we get along so incredibly well. Â
I lived with mine for over a year before we got married, I moved in a few months after we got engaged. My mom wasnt too keen on it at first, but it actually made us closer. It was really hard for me, and I cried the first two nights. LOL! But, I am glad we did it, and it was great to iron out those living together kinks beforehand. It worked well for us. And like Beccs said, he's my best friend, and it was nice to have someone to veg with. Make sure you always have your time to yourself though. While we live together, we still make sure we have our own time (him on his games, me in front of the tv or computer) :)
I think what you're feeling is totally normal so I wouldn't beat yourself up about it :). Moving in with your SO and getting married are monumental periods in one's life and the transition can be a little rough for some people, especially if you're really accustomed to having a lot of independence.
As for my FI and I, we've been together for over 5.5 years and moved in after only dating for about 8 months. For us, it was a very natural progression I guess... My FI was a little bit hesitant about it at first, but then he quickly jumped onboard lol. We didn't have much of a choice because I was experiencing some money problems (with financial aid not coming through, etc.), and I literally would have been homeless and/or would have had to quit college if we didn't live together (it helped tremendously as far as paying for rent and bills). It's been a great experience though. It kind of goes against my personal belief system but at the same time, I couldn't imagine marrying someone without living with them first. You learn so much more about each other when you're forced to share the same space. Honestly, I think it would be a lot more difficult starting out married life without ever having lived together. I'd rather deal with those "growing pains" earlier rather than later. As a side note, we pretty much combined finances once we started living together so that's helped a lot too. We already have a system in place so there won't be any unpleasant surprises after we get married.
Totally understandable. I lived by myself for almost 5 years and loved every second of it, but I LOVE living with my FI! We make sure to have our own space-- he works from home so the office is his territory and I have my corner of the living room to cover with stacks of wedding mags and notebooks I was worried, too, but in the end you'll learn so much more about each other and get all the kinks worked out now, so you can enjoy wedded bliss later!
My now-fiance and I moved in together about six months after dating. As someone else said above, it was more of a financial thing. "Do we do this or do I waste money on an apartment that I'm never going to be at, and deal with the hastle of having to go back in the morning and get ready for work?"
The money that I'm saving is basically going to help pay for the wedding, which is key. It was an adjustment at first - he hates that I don't rinse dishes out, I hate that he leaves EVERYTHING (cell phone charger, computer charger) plugged in when not in use. But now we joke about things like that, and it really hasn't been that big of a deal at all. I also am a person that enjoys my space, and he understands that. If I need to go sit in another room for a half hour and read, he knows it's for his own benefit and so that he doesn't lose his head after i snap it off. He's smart like that.
I think you'll find that the first month or so is weird. You have to plan things out like you'd have a roommate, but then it turns out that this roommate is that man that you're going to love forever! It's great being able to come home after a long day and have him have made dinner (I'm lucky) or just have him there, and not have to worry what time you're going to have to get up in the morning to make it back to your other place to get ready for work.
I've been together with my FI for six years now. I pretty much stayed over at FI's parents house about 8 onths into the relationship, rarely going home at all. They joked that I was their second daughter. I officially moved out of my parents house 3 years into the relationship and rented a one bedroom on my own, but my FI stayed over 5 out of the 7 days in the week. And about 3 months ago we purchased our first home together. We're set to get married in March, but we've been pretty much living together since the very beginning.
I wouldn't change a thing if I could go back and do it all over again! Over the course of these past 6 years, we've had ample time to adjust to the living styles of the other person, learn about their quircks and daily routines. I think sometimes the scariest parts for newlyweds is not knowing what living with the other person would really be like. I feel it's important to know whether or not you could actually live with a person in confined quarters for a long period of time prior to tying the knot is important! Afterall, if you can't stand living with the person, how are you going to spend the rest of your lives together?
i guess i'm going to be the odd one out here. me and my fiance don't live together (and are saving our first kiss for the alter~!!!) and it's pretty tough since we live on opposite ends of manhattan. he has his own apt (and i have roommates), so i usually spend all of my time at his place. but it's soo hard to leave and get myself going by 11pm because if i leave any later i'll get home after midnight and it's not too safe. though there are so many times i wished we were already living together so that i wouldn't have to leave him every night, it just makes our wedding/upcoming marriage all the more exciting. we are so excited and can't wait to finally be sharing a home~! (and not have nasty commutes home where half of the subway lines aren't working properly because of construction )
I have to the odd-est one here.. I am from india n it is not ACCEPTABLE to live with him.. forget livng i cant take a holiday with him either until we are wed. so i just have to wait n be married so we can live together..
This is something I've been thinking about ever since I started reading weddingbee. It seems that the majority of the bees and readers live with their SO before marriage and that I am in the minority. My husband and I didn't live together or sleep together at all before we got married (or go on vacations/overnight trips together other than to our parent's houses)- we both decided, long before we ever met, that we would both wait until marriage. They were decisions made as young teenagers for moral and religious reasons, and I am SO incredibly thankful that we did. While we hated leaving each other each night to go to our respective homes, it made our wedding night and now our marriage that much more meaningful and special.
This post leads me to ask the question I've been wondering for months -- how many bees/readers are waiting till their wedding night?
PS - to answer the question -- I lived by myself for five years before getting married, and loved having my own space, my own things, etc., but being married and living with my husband is SO much better! Yes, we have had to make compromises and minor sacrifices, but that's what marriage is about. Living with my husband is wonderful!
My husband asked me to move in with him 3 months after we started dating! I completely freaked out and didn't give him an answer for a month. Finally I agreed, and I moved in once I graduated. It was fun, and hard at the same time because I loved living on my own. After a year, we moved into our own place, where I felt like it was OUR home, not his. When we moved into our own place, my hubby asked for my parents permission and sold it to them as "premarriage" and eventually they agreed. His mother was really helpful in talking it through with my mom when they met. His mother is Italian-American so her opinion really helped my Korean mother feel more comfortable about it. We got engaged a little over a year after that, and my hubby asked my parents for their permission again. I think that the fact he respected my parents permission and blessing, plus their input, really eased my parents through the whole process.
I took a big risk moving in with my husband that early on in our relationship, but in the end, it all worked out because we both knew we were extremely special to each other. After living together before marriage really made the transition easier, and YES, it does feel different living with your husband after marriage even if you did live together before.
My now-husband and I moved in together after nearly 3 years of dating. I was staying over at his apartment most nights, so it just made sense to take that next step when he bought a house.
I used to be against living together before marriage, but situation and timing was right for us. If I had to go back, yes, I would do it again.
My family wasn't thrilled, but I was 25 at the time and had been living on my own for 7 years. From my perspective, I did not need their permission or blessing. (Although the Mr. did talk to my dad about his intentions about 2 mo. into living together) I was surprised by the judgemental comments from both family and friends alike. To me, it's live and let live, ya know? We are all free to make our own choices.
My FI have been together almost 7 years now & we moved in together after about 6 months of dating. We had know each other for years plus he lived in another state when we first starting dating so when he make the decision to move to where I lived it just seemed to make sense for him to move in. We did live with other roomates for the first year and a half though. I was initally concerned to tell my parents, my father in particular but they had no issues with it at all. I think it was a good decision for us and I would do it again.
We have lived together for 1.5 years and even bought a house together once we were engaged. I think it's a good idea to find out how you mesh with each other in a living space before getting married, but that's just me. A lot of women say that was one of the most challenging things about getting married...learning to live with one another. Ted and I ironed out the kinks well before tying the knot...now we are able to just enjoy being married!
My fiance has his own townhome and I rent my best frind's house. We are getting married in June and I might move in around March of next year. I have never lived with a guy -- primarily due to my parents' wishes -- and, quite honestly, never felt the need to move in with one. I highly value my own space and enjoy my own home. That being said -- we do flip flop nights during the week or weekend and it gets frustrating with which house has what items that we might or might not need to use at that particular moment! I am really excited to move in with him -- a new adventure that I have never experienced.
But I must admit -- it is nice when I am working on wedding related stuff at my own place - no hassles from him ever! :)
We've lived together (unofficially and now officially) for about a year. I think the opportunity to spread out the challenges of lifetime coupledom (cohabitating, planning a wedding, negotiating finances, sleep schedules, giving up privacy) has been nice. We won't have to figure everything out at once. I think it helps to go into the marriage with full knowledge of who you're committing to. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I am on the extreme end of this debate--I moved in with P on our second date(which was four days after our first date). I knew on our first date that he is the man I'm going to marry, so it was not strange for me at all. People tend to be a bit surprised that things moved so quickly, but I haven't found anyone who is particularily judgemental about it.Â
Honestly, I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's been seven years so far (and at least two more before we actually get married, so long!) and our relationship is extremely strong, and our communication is actually quite a bit better than most of the married couples we know. We also have made it a point to get a two bedroom apartment whenever possible (we've made quite a few major moves--2500 miles across the country, and 700 miles from there again, and then in town moves in several cities) so we each can have some separate space when we need it. It has worked out fabulously for us. Find a space in your home that is for you only, a little sanctuary for yourself. It helps.
Really, I think you should do whatever is best for your relationship. (I am slightly biased to the living together first as then you aren't putting a lot of extra pressure on a new marriage.) It is a big deal and you should treat it as such--the transition from living alone to sharing your life and space with someone can be a bit of a shock at first. Just keep communication between you and your FI open--that will make things much easier! Good luck!
We've lived together for a year & a half. Before then we'd each lived alone for 8 years! We were both nervous to make the change but we LOVE it. We're careful to let one another have space - literally & figuratively and to be conscious of each other's plans. I love coming home at night and knowing that if he isn't already there, that he'll be coming in the door in a few minutes. Greeting one another after a long day is my favorite moment.
More than anything, it has helped us be prepared to combine our finances and understand our personal stresses better. We can each be a better partner knowing how the other one lives.
Feeling nervous or concerned about such a big change is normal in my opinion, if it doesn't go away or if there are other red flags, then maybe it would be time to reconsider getting hitched.
Just wondering...how many bees out there have lived with their FI's before tying the knot? For those that did, would you go back and wait if you could?
My hubby to be is planning to move in with me before the end of the year and to be completely honest...I'm
a little scaredfreaking out!!! I've been on my own for a little over 2 years now and I LOVE it. I love having my own place/space and I'm really afraid of losing that. Is this nomal? Or could this be a major warning sign?
posted by sweetart 61 posts 1 year agoMy fiance and I have been together for 7 years. We've lived together for 2 and a half years. We lived in the dorms for a couple years at school and were always in each other's rooms. Then we both wanted to get an apartment and it just seemed silly to have two separate apartments when we're together all the time.
I lived with mine for over a year before we got married, I moved in a few months after we got engaged. My mom wasnt too keen on it at first, but it actually made us closer. It was really hard for me, and I cried the first two nights. LOL! But, I am glad we did it, and it was great to iron out those living together kinks beforehand. It worked well for us. And like Beccs said, he's my best friend, and it was nice to have someone to veg with. Make sure you always have your time to yourself though. While we live together, we still make sure we have our own time (him on his games, me in front of the tv or computer) :)
Good luck!
posted by PhxBride 77 posts 1 year agoI think what you're feeling is totally normal so I wouldn't beat yourself up about it :). Moving in with your SO and getting married are monumental periods in one's life and the transition can be a little rough for some people, especially if you're really accustomed to having a lot of independence.
As for my FI and I, we've been together for over 5.5 years and moved in after only dating for about 8 months. For us, it was a very natural progression I guess... My FI was a little bit hesitant about it at first, but then he quickly jumped onboard lol. We didn't have much of a choice because I was experiencing some money problems (with financial aid not coming through, etc.), and I literally would have been homeless and/or would have had to quit college if we didn't live together (it helped tremendously as far as paying for rent and bills). It's been a great experience though. It kind of goes against my personal belief system but at the same time, I couldn't imagine marrying someone without living with them first. You learn so much more about each other when you're forced to share the same space. Honestly, I think it would be a lot more difficult starting out married life without ever having lived together. I'd rather deal with those "growing pains" earlier rather than later. As a side note, we pretty much combined finances once we started living together so that's helped a lot too. We already have a system in place so there won't be any unpleasant surprises after we get married.
posted by kappaucf20 17 posts 1 year agoTotally understandable. I lived by myself for almost 5 years and loved every second of it, but I LOVE living with my FI! We make sure to have our own space-- he works from home so the office is his territory and I have my corner of the living room to cover with stacks of wedding mags and notebooks
I was worried, too, but in the end you'll learn so much more about each other and get all the kinks worked out now, so you can enjoy wedded bliss later!
posted by CharlestonBride 12 posts 1 year agoMy now-fiance and I moved in together about six months after dating. As someone else said above, it was more of a financial thing. "Do we do this or do I waste money on an apartment that I'm never going to be at, and deal with the hastle of having to go back in the morning and get ready for work?"
The money that I'm saving is basically going to help pay for the wedding, which is key. It was an adjustment at first - he hates that I don't rinse dishes out, I hate that he leaves EVERYTHING (cell phone charger, computer charger) plugged in when not in use. But now we joke about things like that, and it really hasn't been that big of a deal at all. I also am a person that enjoys my space, and he understands that. If I need to go sit in another room for a half hour and read, he knows it's for his own benefit and so that he doesn't lose his head after i snap it off. He's smart like that.
I think you'll find that the first month or so is weird. You have to plan things out like you'd have a roommate, but then it turns out that this roommate is that man that you're going to love forever! It's great being able to come home after a long day and have him have made dinner (I'm lucky) or just have him there, and not have to worry what time you're going to have to get up in the morning to make it back to your other place to get ready for work.
Good luck!
posted by jma19 364 posts 1 year agoI've been together with my FI for six years now. I pretty much stayed over at FI's parents house about 8 onths into the relationship, rarely going home at all. They joked that I was their second daughter. I officially moved out of my parents house 3 years into the relationship and rented a one bedroom on my own, but my FI stayed over 5 out of the 7 days in the week. And about 3 months ago we purchased our first home together. We're set to get married in March, but we've been pretty much living together since the very beginning.
I wouldn't change a thing if I could go back and do it all over again! Over the course of these past 6 years, we've had ample time to adjust to the living styles of the other person, learn about their quircks and daily routines. I think sometimes the scariest parts for newlyweds is not knowing what living with the other person would really be like. I feel it's important to know whether or not you could actually live with a person in confined quarters for a long period of time prior to tying the knot is important! Afterall, if you can't stand living with the person, how are you going to spend the rest of your lives together?
posted by MissBlueBear 271 posts 1 year agoi guess i'm going to be the odd one out here. me and my fiance don't live together (and are saving our first kiss for the alter~!!!) and it's pretty tough since we live on opposite ends of manhattan. he has his own apt (and i have roommates), so i usually spend all of my time at his place. but it's soo hard to leave and get myself going by 11pm because if i leave any later i'll get home after midnight and it's not too safe. though there are so many times i wished we were already living together so that i wouldn't have to leave him every night, it just makes our wedding/upcoming marriage all the more exciting. we are so excited and can't wait to finally be sharing a home~! (and not have nasty commutes home where half of the subway lines aren't working properly because of construction
)
posted by e 55 posts 1 year agoits awesome. dont be weary, just take it in stride. if you freak out about it, the problems will come.
posted by jw 113 posts 1 year agoI have to the odd-est one here..
I am from india n it is not ACCEPTABLE to live with him.. forget livng i cant take a holiday with him either until we are wed. so i just have to wait n be married so we can live together..
posted by ginger 50 posts 1 year agoThis is something I've been thinking about ever since I started reading weddingbee. It seems that the majority of the bees and readers live with their SO before marriage and that I am in the minority. My husband and I didn't live together or sleep together at all before we got married (or go on vacations/overnight trips together other than to our parent's houses)- we both decided, long before we ever met, that we would both wait until marriage. They were decisions made as young teenagers for moral and religious reasons, and I am SO incredibly thankful that we did. While we hated leaving each other each night to go to our respective homes, it made our wedding night and now our marriage that much more meaningful and special.
This post leads me to ask the question I've been wondering for months -- how many bees/readers are waiting till their wedding night?
posted by KNW 21 posts 1 year agoPS - to answer the question -- I lived by myself for five years before getting married, and loved having my own space, my own things, etc., but being married and living with my husband is SO much better! Yes, we have had to make compromises and minor sacrifices, but that's what marriage is about. Living with my husband is wonderful!
posted by KNW 21 posts 1 year agoMy husband asked me to move in with him 3 months after we started dating! I completely freaked out and didn't give him an answer for a month. Finally I agreed, and I moved in once I graduated. It was fun, and hard at the same time because I loved living on my own. After a year, we moved into our own place, where I felt like it was OUR home, not his. When we moved into our own place, my hubby asked for my parents permission and sold it to them as "premarriage" and eventually they agreed. His mother was really helpful in talking it through with my mom when they met. His mother is Italian-American so her opinion really helped my Korean mother feel more comfortable about it. We got engaged a little over a year after that, and my hubby asked my parents for their permission again. I think that the fact he respected my parents permission and blessing, plus their input, really eased my parents through the whole process.
I took a big risk moving in with my husband that early on in our relationship, but in the end, it all worked out because we both knew we were extremely special to each other. After living together before marriage really made the transition easier, and YES, it does feel different living with your husband after marriage even if you did live together before.
posted by chill 153 posts 1 year agoMy now-husband and I moved in together after nearly 3 years of dating. I was staying over at his apartment most nights, so it just made sense to take that next step when he bought a house.
I used to be against living together before marriage, but situation and timing was right for us. If I had to go back, yes, I would do it again.
My family wasn't thrilled, but I was 25 at the time and had been living on my own for 7 years. From my perspective, I did not need their permission or blessing. (Although the Mr. did talk to my dad about his intentions about 2 mo. into living together) I was surprised by the judgemental comments from both family and friends alike. To me, it's live and let live, ya know? We are all free to make our own choices.
posted by chrissie 76 posts 1 year agoMy FI have been together almost 7 years now & we moved in together after about 6 months of dating. We had know each other for years plus he lived in another state when we first starting dating so when he make the decision to move to where I lived it just seemed to make sense for him to move in. We did live with other roomates for the first year and a half though. I was initally concerned to tell my parents, my father in particular but they had no issues with it at all. I think it was a good decision for us and I would do it again.
posted by nash0922 40 posts 1 year agoWe have lived together for 1.5 years and even bought a house together once we were engaged. I think it's a good idea to find out how you mesh with each other in a living space before getting married, but that's just me. A lot of women say that was one of the most challenging things about getting married...learning to live with one another. Ted and I ironed out the kinks well before tying the knot...now we are able to just enjoy being married!
Best of luck.
posted by Weazie 67 posts 1 year agoMy fiance has his own townhome and I rent my best frind's house. We are getting married in June and I might move in around March of next year. I have never lived with a guy -- primarily due to my parents' wishes -- and, quite honestly, never felt the need to move in with one. I highly value my own space and enjoy my own home. That being said -- we do flip flop nights during the week or weekend and it gets frustrating with which house has what items that we might or might not need to use at that particular moment! I am really excited to move in with him -- a new adventure that I have never experienced.
But I must admit -- it is nice when I am working on wedding related stuff at my own place - no hassles from him ever! :)
posted by taaliza 26 posts 1 year agoWe've lived together (unofficially and now officially) for about a year. I think the opportunity to spread out the challenges of lifetime coupledom (cohabitating, planning a wedding, negotiating finances, sleep schedules, giving up privacy) has been nice. We won't have to figure everything out at once. I think it helps to go into the marriage with full knowledge of who you're committing to. I wouldn't have it any other way.
posted by MissBanana 84 posts 1 year agoI am on the extreme end of this debate--I moved in with P on our second date(which was four days after our first date). I knew on our first date that he is the man I'm going to marry, so it was not strange for me at all. People tend to be a bit surprised that things moved so quickly, but I haven't found anyone who is particularily judgemental about it.Â
We've lived together for a year & a half. Before then we'd each lived alone for 8 years! We were both nervous to make the change but we LOVE it. We're careful to let one another have space - literally & figuratively and to be conscious of each other's plans. I love coming home at night and knowing that if he isn't already there, that he'll be coming in the door in a few minutes. Greeting one another after a long day is my favorite moment.
More than anything, it has helped us be prepared to combine our finances and understand our personal stresses better. We can each be a better partner knowing how the other one lives.
Feeling nervous or concerned about such a big change is normal in my opinion, if it doesn't go away or if there are other red flags, then maybe it would be time to reconsider getting hitched.
posted by HappiestOne 97 posts 1 year ago