Living together before marriage

posted 5 years ago in 20 Something
  • poll: Did you live together before marriage?
    Yes : (535 votes)
    83 %
    No : (108 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 62
    Member
    2860 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think that no matter what, living together is always an adjustment. We are not married yet, but I think I would have taken it so terribly if we had to go through these adjustments during our first year of marriage instead. Honestly, it is rough living with someone who is no longer just your roommate and sharing everything! I am honestly very glad that we are living together now so we can transition into marriage more smoothly.

    Post # 63
    Member
    966 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    My fiance and I have been together almost 5 years, but don’t live together. I’m opposed to it due to my religious beliefs. That being said, my roommates have been together almost 6 years, and the three of us have lived together for 2.5 (two bedroom). It seems to be fine for them, she just feels no need to get married because they’re already living together, even though he wants to.

    Post # 64
    Member
    131 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I moved in with my fiance after we got engaged.  It was more of a slower transition though, I would spend the night most nights, and then it just gradually became a more at his than mine kind of thing until I moved the rest of my stuff in. I am really glad we did, because the first couple months were really rough for us.  Mainly just figuring out who does what house work, whose responsible for what etc… I also have only lived out of my parents house for about a year, and that was a couple years ago (I am 22 now).  So the responsibility of taking care of a house, while going to grad school and working full time was really stressful for me.  I am just glad we worked it out before we got married.

    Post # 65
    Member
    453 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    We’ve lived together for 3 years now. Considering I didn’t know anyone else in the area, living with him was pretty much the only way to be with him. I like the fact that we’ve lived together, so we both know exactly what we’re getting in this marriage.

    I’m glad that all of our flaws were laid out on the table without any pressure, worries, or regret. We’ve seen what works, what doesn’t, and what we need to work on. There aren’t going to be any surprises, we know each other’s flaws. At any point in the past three years, we could have decided that those flaws were too much and walked away, but we haven’t.

    I think that will make our marriage stronger: we’ve weathered storms and come out together and loving each other after it all. I’m only more dedicated now to strengthening our relationship.

    Post # 66
    Member
    173 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    We met as roommates… and just never stopped living together. So far it’s worked brilliantly for us. Our relationship has moved far more quickly, especially since dating just came so naturally after figuring out our lifestyles meshed really well and we never got sick of each other. And that hasn’t changed. Furthermore we have almost identical (or very compatible) visions for where we want to be in 5-10-etc years so I feel very confident about having seriously lucked out and found my forever guy!

    His family is (politely) opposed to “living in sin”. It’s partly old fashioned belief, partly concern about the risks (like, that we won’t ever get married, or that breaking up would end badly somehow) I do respect that, and we’ve been reassuring them on the rare occasion it is brought up. 

    My family was concerned that breaking up would be really complicated, but their solution was to be very clear that they would help in any way possible if that should happen. But after seeing us together for a whole year with no issues whatsoever, I think they are pretty happy about it. They do support cohabitation. 

     

    Post # 67
    Member
    45 posts
    Newbee

    Living with someone can be WAY different than spending time with them. I had a friend in college who eventually became my roommate, and it was terrible (at least for me), in some ways it damaged the relationship. That is when I learned that living with someone can be a lot different than you expect.

    However, when it comes to your relationship, obviously if there’s major issues living together, you will find ways to work it out (whether you’re married or not). I don’t think that there’d be more of an effort to resolve issues that may come up simply because you’re married. By the same token, if such issues would cause a couple to separate, it’s not like being married is the magic glue that would prevent that (but perhaps by this argument it would be better to live together before marriage?).

    So, overall, I don’t think it makes too much of a differnce if you live together before you’re married or not. In my case, we chose to live together before marriage because we knew that wouldn’t happen for a long time due to grad school. Fortunately for us, it was a very smooth and easy transition.

    Post # 68
    Member
    1237 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    We had been living together almost 3 years prior to our engagement, will be almost 5 years by the time of our wedding. I know that people have differing opinions on the topic, but quite frankly, I can’t imagine committing to spending my life with a person with whom I had never lived! It has worked out really well for us.

    Post # 69
    Member
    1735 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I vote yes, unless you would “feel bad” about it for some reason that would ultimately cause problems in your relationship. We lived together for about two years before we got married (and some of that time was before he proposed). Ultimately, I could accept his proposal and plan the wedding with total commitment and a light heart because I KNEW that we knew how to live together and be happy together.

     

    Post # 70
    Member
    742 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2018

    we’ve been living together for just over 2 years now

    ( long distance for 3 years )

    and saving for our wedding 🙂

    Post # 71
    Member
    7 posts
    Newbee

    Nope we do not live together. I think people who don’t live together stay together.. I don’t know-I just feel like you get married and you go on that rollercoaster which is the married life. BUT if you live together first you experience most of the coaster-then what? Just my 2 cents.

     

    Post # 72
    Member
    18 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Yup living together. Do what will work best for you guys.

    Post # 73
    Member
    126 posts
    Blushing bee

    We will have been living in our own home for a month or so before our wedding. However, my SO lived with my parents and I for 3 years, and I will be moving in with his parents in a few months. So we have lived together in a sense, just not in our own home.

    My parents didn’t live with each other until they returned from their honeymoon. That worked out well for them.

    It really depends on your situation and what you think is best for you.

    Post # 74
    Member
    552 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    seriously the best thing i could have done…not only is it a smart decision financially…but also living with someone is very different than dating someone. nothing shows you if you’re ready for marriage more than being with someone all of the time. hahah. good luck!!

    Post # 75
    Member
    157 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Couples who live together before they get married are less likely to stay married. I think this is in part to the common statement of “test-driving the car before you buy it.” If you feel you have to “test” out your significant other, maybe it’s not meant to be. However, I don’t think that’s your situation. 

    Post # 76
    Member
    3102 posts
    Sugar bee

    Couples who live together before they get married are less likely to stay married.

    +1

    I would have never moved in together before the wedding.  If I had it all to do over again, I still wouldn’t.

     

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