Post # 1
Ok so I am moving out of my current house in the summer when my lease is up. I really want to start my life with SO and that includes us moving in together.
SO is catholic and he told his parents he was thinking of moving in with me. They are very against it. They asked if he wanted to see a PSYCHIATRIST….or a priest which is a total trap IMO because of course a priest will say “no” to living together before marriage.
I really love his parents and I don’t want to loose their respect. I want to somehow say that I respect their opinion but SO is old enough to make his own decisions. I feel horrible for SO because its a terrible position to be in. He doesn’t want to disappoint his parents and he doesn’t want me to be unhappy either.
I tried to look at if from his perspective and think if my parents were against it. I would hate to disappoint them, but we’re talking about living with the person you’re spending the rest of your life with. We are planning on getting engaged this summer as well, right around the time I’m moving.
I need advice, if anyone has any. I don’t have a “good” reason for wanting to live with SO, besides the fact that I really want to start my life with him, which I’m sure many people will side with his parents on the matter.
Post # 3
Well, if they’re strict catholics you might lose their respect. There’s no changing how they might feel. What matters is how he really feels about it…is it right or wrong to him? If he wants to wait, I wouldn’t push it personally.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2015 - Malibou Lake Mountain Club
My parents are SUPER Christian: My Father is a Minister, Mother very involved in her faith. Once my Boyfriend (now FI, he is Jewish btw) wanted to move to the next step, i told them about our plan. They thought he would have sex then leave me, or just somehow destroy our future. His parents are SUPER supportive, which made it easy. What made it easier was my FI understanding my Parents views and not dismissing them, and not dismissing my fears. And wouldnt you know it, my Parents just ADORE that fact we are together, that we are engaged, and we hang out together more. It was just our focus on wanting to be together that made it work.
Post # 5
@Lizzy272: Our priest actually was fine with it, maybe because we were engaged, but he just said as long as we were pursuing a relationship that brought us closer to God and each other, he was fine with it 🙂
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest
My dad was raised in a strict Catholic home. When my parents met, they moved in together fairly quickly.
His parents (my grandparents) were NOT impressed.
As in, so pissed that his dad wouldn’t even go inside their apartment…including one time when my dad was so ill that he needed to go to the hospital. He waited outside of the apartment.
Now granted, this was the 80s, and things have gotten a little less strict… but I really wouldn’t get your hopes up to his parents lightening up to the idea.
They might feel differently if you were engaged first… has your SO talked to them about that? Do you plan on having a Catholic wedding?
Post # 7
@orchidblooms: He said he really wants to live with me, not moving in with me would be a lose-lose situation becasue he would have to stay at his parents place one more year and he wouldn’t get to live with me.
Post # 8
I was in your SO’s shoes (not catholic but my mom was extremely against it). I ended up moving in because it made sense not only for our relationship but for our fianances together. My mom basically agreed to disagree. She understood where we were coming from but didn’t really agree. She made us promise to get engaged before we moved in. We were afraid that would make our engagement more business like than special, but my fiancé surprised me by proposing much sooner. Now that we are engaged and working out problems of living together before we are married, my mom is really glad we did. I was always a goodie goodie and my mom is my best friend so it was really hard to go against her wishes, but I had to do what was right for me. I’m not a little kid anymore, and with time my mom will always respect that.
Post # 9
@Glorificous: I just hope if we do end up living together they will find a way to possibly get over it…
Post # 10
@missamysmiles: They know when he is going to propose, they are very helpful in providing ring advice to SO. I know we will be engaged this summer, either during or right after I move. I think we will have a catholic preist but not a full-on catholic wedding, as I don’t see how that’s fair to my side of the family.
Post # 11
@mgbser: I REALLY hope it will get easier with time (if he moves in), as he is an adult and can make his own decisions. I just wish the fact that we will be engaged would make a difference to them, but it seems to not matter…
Post # 12
My family is like your SOs. My parents are highly against living together before marriage. My dad would probably never speak to me again if I moved in with my SO before we were married. I know people think I should just stand up to my parents and do what I want, but as an only child I’m not willing to put that much of a strain on our relationship just because we want to live together. My SO understands, even though he really wants me to move in. I wouldn’t pressure your BF too much because I honestly know how he feels. It sucks being torn between family and your SO.
Post # 13
@FutureMrsBex: I feel so sick that SO is in this situation, I truely feel terrible. I am definitely letting him think it through on his own, he chose to visit with his preists about the dilemma as well. I has not been easy just sitting back in all of this, believe me.
Post # 14
@Lizzy272: Are you engaged? With DH and I it was a no go before engagement, but with a ring, date, and deposits was no big deal.
EtA: if you aren’t engaged, can you wait 6 months? It makes it so much easier. It was worth it to us
Post # 15
I would have to side with your SO’s parents on this one.
Bible-believing Christians, including Catholics, who adhere to the Word of God on this and other matters, believe that God designed sex to be enjoyed within a covenant marriage relationship only. Because of this, your SO’s parents would not want him living with someone prior to his being married, even if he plans to become engaged or even after he actually is engaged.
Obviously, if your SO is an adult, he has the right to make his own choices and decisions. However, you cannot realistically expect his parents to endorse or accept a practice that they believe is inherently morally wrong.
Post # 16
@Lizzy272: Not Catholic, but DH is a Christian. I am not. When we decided to live together, we each told our respective parents, separately.
My conversation: So, we’re moving in together. Parents: Okay. How’s work/school/the weather.
His conversation: Over an hour of why he shouldn’t.
We moved in together anyway. My parents helped us move. His didn’t. They were not thrilled, but after that first conversation, they kept their opinions to themselves (and NEVER said anything to me). DH absolutely does not regret the decision he (and I) made.
The bottom line is that he has to make the decision about what is best for him and for you guys together. No, his parents may not “get over it” and they certainly don’t have to “approve” but ultimately, its his decision, not theirs.