(Closed) Living together before marriage?

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2007

My fiance and I have been together for 7 years.  We’ve lived together for 2 and a half years.  We lived in the dorms for a couple years at school and were always in each other’s rooms.  Then we both wanted to get an apartment and it just seemed silly to have two separate apartments when we’re together all the time.

My mom wasn’t totally sold on it, so we got twin beds.  We would push them together though.  haha
When we moved to our current apartment (we moved in August) we got a full sized bed.  My sister had a full sized bed that she was going to get rid of to get two twin sized beds for my nephews.  So we did a little swapping.  While we had a bigger bed with the two twins pushed together, we no longer have a crack to contend with.
I love living with my fiance.  He is my best friend and we get along so incredibly well.  

Post # 4
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I lived with mine for over a year before we got married, I moved in a few months after we got engaged. My mom wasnt too keen on it at first, but it actually made us closer. It was really hard for me, and I cried the first two nights. LOL! But, I am glad we did it, and it was great to iron out those living together kinks beforehand. It worked well for us. And like Beccs said, he’s my best friend, and it was nice to have someone to veg with. Make sure you always have your time to yourself though. While we live together, we still make sure we have our own time (him on his games, me in front of the tv or computer) 🙂

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
17 posts
Newbee

I think what you’re feeling is totally normal so I wouldn’t beat yourself up about it :).  Moving in with your SO and getting married are monumental periods in one’s life and the transition can be a little rough for some people, especially if you’re really accustomed to having a lot of independence. 

As for my FI and I, we’ve been together for over 5.5 years and moved in after only dating for about 8 months.  For us, it was a very natural progression I guess… My FI was a little bit hesitant about it at first, but then he quickly jumped onboard lol.  We didn’t have much of a choice because I was experiencing some money problems (with financial aid not coming through, etc.), and I literally would have been homeless and/or would have had to quit college if we didn’t live together (it helped tremendously as far as paying for rent and bills).  It’s been a great experience though.  It kind of goes against my personal belief system but at the same time, I couldn’t imagine marrying someone without living with them first.  You learn so much more about each other when you’re forced to share the same space.  Honestly, I think it would be a lot more difficult starting out married life without ever having lived together.  I’d rather deal with those "growing pains" earlier rather than later.  As a side note, we pretty much combined finances once we started living together so that’s helped a lot too.  We already have a system in place so there won’t be any unpleasant surprises after we get married.  

Post # 6
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2008

Totally understandable. I lived by myself for almost 5 years and loved every second of it, but I LOVE living with my FI! We make sure to have our own space– he works from home so the office is his territory and I have my corner of the living room to cover with stacks of wedding mags and notebooks I was worried, too, but in the end you’ll learn so much more about each other and get all the kinks worked out now, so you can enjoy wedded bliss later!

Post # 7
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

My now-fiance and I moved in together about six months after dating. As someone else said above, it was more of a financial thing. "Do we do this or do I waste money on an apartment that I’m never going to be at, and deal with the hastle of having to go back in the morning and get ready for work?"

 

The money that I’m saving is basically going to help pay for the wedding, which is key. It was an adjustment at first – he hates that I don’t rinse dishes out, I hate that he leaves EVERYTHING (cell phone charger, computer charger) plugged in when not in use. But now we joke about things like that, and it really hasn’t been that big of a deal at all. I also am a person that enjoys my space, and he understands that. If I need to go sit in another room for a half hour and read, he knows it’s for his own benefit and so that he doesn’t lose his head after i snap it off. He’s smart like that. 

 

I think you’ll find that the first month or so is weird. You have to plan things out like you’d have a roommate, but then it turns out that this roommate is that man that you’re going to love forever! It’s great being able to come home after a long day and have him have made dinner (I’m lucky) or just have him there, and not have to worry what time you’re going to have to get up in the morning to make it back to your other place to get ready for work.

 

Good luck! 

Post # 8
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

I’ve been together with my FI for six years now. I pretty much stayed over at FI’s parents house about 8 onths into the relationship, rarely going home at all.  They joked that I was their second daughter.  I officially moved out of my parents house 3 years into the relationship and rented a one bedroom on my own, but my FI stayed over 5 out of the 7 days in the week.  And about 3 months ago we purchased our first home together.  We’re set to get married in March, but we’ve been pretty much living together since the very beginning. 

I wouldn’t change a thing if I could go back and do it all over again! Over the course of these past 6 years, we’ve had ample time to adjust to the living styles of the other person, learn about their quircks and daily routines.  I think sometimes the scariest parts for newlyweds is not knowing what living with the other person would really be like. I feel it’s important to know whether or not you could actually live with a person in confined quarters for a long period of time prior to tying the knot is important!  Afterall, if you can’t stand living with the person, how are you going to spend the rest of your lives together?

Post # 9
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • e
  • 10 years ago

i guess i’m going to be the odd one out here.  me and my fiance don’t live together (and are saving our first kiss for the alter~!!!) and it’s pretty tough since we live on opposite ends of manhattan.  he has his own apt (and i have roommates), so i usually spend all of my time at his place.  but it’s soo hard to leave and get myself going by 11pm because if i leave any later i’ll get home after midnight and it’s not too safe.  though there are so many times i wished we were already living together so that i wouldn’t have to leave him every night, it just makes our wedding/upcoming marriage all the more exciting.  we are so excited and can’t wait to finally be sharing a home~! (and not have nasty commutes home where half of the subway lines aren’t working properly because of construction )

Post # 10
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

its awesome. dont be weary, just take it in stride. if you freak out about it, the problems will come.

Post # 11
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

I have to the odd-est one here.. I am from india n it is not ACCEPTABLE to live with him.. forget livng i cant take a holiday with him either until we are wed. so i just have to wait n be married so we can live together..

Post # 12
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2007

This is something I’ve been thinking about ever since I started reading weddingbee. It seems that the majority of the bees and readers live with their SO before marriage and that I am in the minority. My husband and I didn’t live together or sleep together at all before we got married (or go on vacations/overnight trips together other than to our parent’s houses)- we both decided, long before we ever met, that we would both wait until marriage.  They were decisions made as young teenagers for moral and religious reasons, and I am SO incredibly thankful that we did.  While we hated leaving each other each night to go to our respective homes, it made our wedding night and now our marriage that much more meaningful and special. 

This post leads me to ask the question I’ve been wondering for months — how many bees/readers are waiting till their wedding night? 

Post # 13
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2007

PS – to answer the question — I lived by myself for five years before getting married, and loved having my own space, my own things, etc., but being married and living with my husband is SO much better!  Yes, we have had to make compromises and minor sacrifices, but that’s what marriage is about. Living with my husband is wonderful!

Post # 14
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2007

My husband asked me to move in with him 3 months after we started dating!  I completely freaked out and didn’t give him an answer for a month.  Finally I agreed, and I moved in once I graduated.  It was fun, and hard at the same time because I loved living on my own.  After a year, we moved into our own place, where I felt like it was OUR home, not his.  When we moved into our own place, my hubby asked for my parents permission and sold it to them as "premarriage" and eventually they agreed.  His mother was really helpful in talking it through with my mom when they met.  His mother is Italian-American so her opinion really helped my Korean mother feel more comfortable about it.  We got engaged a little over a year after that, and my hubby asked my parents for their permission again. I think that the fact he respected my parents permission and blessing, plus their input, really eased my parents through the whole process.

I took a big risk moving in with my husband that early on in our relationship, but in the end, it all worked out because we both knew we were extremely special to each other.  After living together before marriage really made the transition easier, and YES, it does feel different living with your husband after marriage even if you did live together before. 

Post # 15
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

My now-husband and I moved in together after nearly 3 years of dating. I was staying over at his apartment most nights, so it just made sense to take that next step when he bought a house.

I used to be against living together before marriage, but situation and timing was right for us. If I had to go back, yes, I would do it again.

My family wasn’t thrilled, but I was 25 at the time and had been living on my own for 7 years.  From my perspective, I did not need their permission or blessing. (Although the Mr. did talk to my dad about his intentions about 2 mo. into living together) I was surprised by the judgemental comments from both family and friends alike. To me, it’s live and let live, ya know? We are all free to make our own choices.

Post # 16
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2008

My FI have been together almost 7 years now & we moved in together after about 6 months of dating. We had know each other for years plus he lived in another state when we first starting dating so when he make the decision to move to where I lived it just seemed to make sense for him to move in. We did live with other roomates for the first year and a half though.  I was initally concerned to tell my parents, my father in particular but they had no issues with it at all. I think it was a good decision for us and I would do it again.

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