My fiance and I are not living together before we get married for a lot of reasons. We currently spend a lot of time together at mostly my apartment. We cook meals together and do things around the house together. He knows how I like the dishes put in the dishwasher, etc. We have had talks about money in preparation for moving in together, and I can't wait until we are married and really live together.
Knowing that we will be married when we move in to the first place that we live together means a lot to me, and I'm actually glad that we aren't living together before marriage, no matter how badly I actually want to!
A lot of my reasons are religious but some of them are logistical too.
Nigelsbride, just an FYI, you did come across as judgemental. No biggy, but just thought I'd let you know. ;)
No one should judge anyone else for their decisions on why or how they did things in their own personal lives. My hubby moved into my house within about 3 months of us starting to date...he didn't give up his old apartment for another 2 months, but it just made sense for him to stop paying rent there, as he was living full time in our home at the time.
He was the first guy I've ever lived with, and it's gone pretty well for us. He loads the dishwasher "wrong" and I like to watch t.v. that he'd never think of watching, but our little annoyances don't seem to outweigh the good stuff we find in being together in our home. We belong together, and that's been clear from the beginning of our relationship. We got married last weekend, and this week hasn't been any less "special" or "magical" or whatever might be expected by a girl (or guy) after their wedding day, but I can say that I'm awfully proud of my man. And I think he's proud of me, too.
My marriage and life with my husband is very special to ME. Regardless of whether we lived together (and did all kinds of naughty things, too, mind ya!) prior to the marriage, that doesn't make the fact that we have made this amazing commitment to each other any less amazing. Not in my opinion, anyway.
We're going to move in together in 4 months. We dated without living together in the same city for 9 months, then he moved away a little over 2 years ago. When he comes back, we'll get an apartment together. And after we get married a year after that, we're going to be moving to another city; we're going to view that as our first "transition" as husband and wife. In the meantime, we're going to use our time together to establish what we need to register for, save money on rent, and go through pre-marital counseling. Oh yes, and cuddle. Lots of cuddling.
My fiance and I have been together for eight years and have lived together for four. Because we were young when we started dating, we were not in a hurry to move in together right away. Though we did plenty of staying over at one another's apartments in the earlier years, we felt the financial responsibility of sharing a place was too great to rush into. We also both loved having our own spaces and were not ready right away to give up our independence and the freedom of living alone. When we finally did move in together, we knew we were prepared and had given it plenty of consideration. Now that we are getting married, I am glad we've had these years living together to learn each other's quirks and habits and begin building our living habits as a couple. Personally, I would not have wanted to get married without having lived with him first, but I can of course respect the decision to wait for those to whom it feels right.
As for your worries, make sure you communicate them to him thoughout the adjustment process. He might feel exactly the same way, and if you tell him, I'll bet he'll respect giving you your space and making the transition as easy as possible. Once you get used to having him there all the time, you'll probably love it as much as I love living with my guy. There's always someone there to give you a hug or make you laugh, and every day activities become much more fun when you have someone to share them with. Congrats, and good luck!
Not to be mean, but I don't understand your reasoning. I'd rather learn about a person's quirks before getting married because after that, you're "stuck" with them... you have no choice. What if after two people get married, they move in together and the woman finds out her husband is abusive? (it's happened before). What then? They're already married so it would be much more difficult to leave the relationship. I think it would be better to move in together before marriage and learn about those things so if you find out you're not compatible, you can leave the relationship without all of the consequences (legal and otherwise) that come along with a divorce. But maybe that's just me...
Also, let's be realistic. For some people, they have no choice because of financial reasons. Like I mentioned in my post earlier, my fiance and I had to move in together because I would have been homeless otherwise. I couldn't move back home with my parents (because they lived in a tiny little house without space for me to even sleep), and I definitely couldn't afford the $900+ per month rent for an apartment on my own (that's how much it costs here). I thoroughly believe that my fiance saved me by agreeing to move in together! He loved me so much that he didn't want to have to face the prospect of me quitting school and essentially ending up homeless. Just another reason why I love him! :) Nigelsbride, maybe you were lucky and made very good money or your parents let you live with them for a long time. Not everyone has that luxury. You shouldn't be so judgmental (because you did come across that way even if you didn't intend to). I'm a Christian also, but I'm not that judgmental of people because I understand everyone's situations are different. My marriage will be just as special as yours even though my fiance and I chose to live together beforehand. We've been together for 6 years, and we're still going strong. He's my soul mate and nothing will change that.
I guess it's harder than I thought to say what I mean without coming across the wrong way. I apologize if I sounded judgemental - really, I believe everyone has to make their own decisions, plus live with what comes of them, and I'm not going to judge anyone for that. It is not my right, or my place, to judge anyone. There's so much more to what I said that I could write a book, and there's just not enough space here for that.
So I'll address only what's been directed back to me: the first is the "being stuck with a guy with quirks/abusive qualities". True, you never know what could happen. And people change. My choice in my husband, however, wasn't just my choice. He was God's choice for me, and God is a lot smarter than I am. So I trust Him, and my husband. Sure, if someone was married and then discovered abusive qualities it would be harder than if they were not married, but it is my belief that it is still not the best choice to make to live together. And that is just what I believe - I don't hold it against someone who makes a different choice however.
As for financial reasons, if it is God's will that we hold off on things until marriage, He will provide another living situation, too. I am not rich (not even close!!! I've been wondering how the bills will get paid every month for years now), and my parents are 1500 miles away. In fact, two weeks after we got engaged my internship was up and I had no place to go. Originally, I had planned on going back to MN, but then my hubby entered the picture! :) . I still knew it wasn't right for us to live together, rent alone in the San Fran area is over $1000/month and that was out of the question, and that God would provide. So I asked God for help. And before I even started looking or posted anything, a family from my church approached me and offered me their spare room and bath until the wedding.
Sound too good to be true? Well, that wasn't the first time God provided me, literally, with shelter when I would have been without. It was the 4th time in 4 years. I had been laid off 3 times in a year and a half and every time someone offered, without me asking, a place to stay rent free.
I really, truly, and with my whole heart believe that God designed marriage the best way it could be, because He alone is perfect. And for my life, I've found that I'm a lot more content and happy if I'm listening to what God's telling me and doing my best to follow it.
Again, I apologize if anyone felt judged by what I said, I really am just speaking from my own heart about how and why we chose the timing we did.
I also believe that God has always helped me and provided for me. I pray to him many times a day... I'm fanatic about it lol. But I also believe that he brought my fiance into the picture for a reason. There were no other options in my life at that point... I had no one else to turn to and no one else to help me. So while I was crying every night, agonizing over what I was going to do or where I was going to live, I prayed to him for help. And what happened? My fiance suggested that we live together. That was the one and only answer I got! I think it was meant to be. No one else offered to help me, but my fiance did. He was the only one I could count on. There has to be a reason for that (in my opinion).
I've been thinking and I was curious why you decided to wait until marriage to kiss. Is it part of some religion that I am not aware of? I was raised Catholic and I do not think I've ever heard of anyone waiting until marriage to kiss.
I just wanted to hear the reasoning behind waiting.
Well, waiting to kiss until our wedding was not easy. I am a Christian, and while my faith played a part, it's not some crazy legalistic rule or anything not to kiss. I just knew that not sinning in God's eyes before marriage in the physical sense means not even inviting temptation. I have a past, from before I was a Christian, that caused me a lot of pain and heartache for regretting going too far with guys. And for me to not evn be tempted meant not kissing, either.
This choice isn't for everyone. Even my husband wished it wasn't how it had to be because kissing isn't a stumbling block for him. But for me, kissing meant sending my mind much farther than that, which in turn would make it tempting to cross that line. If your desire is to avoid crossing the line, then sometimes a sacrifice is necessary to keep that piece intact and avoid entertaining temptation.
I had prayed about it and asked for God's help, and He made it very clear what my boundary needed to be. And God NEVER answers prayer with anything that would be contrary to His standards or sinful in any way (if you ever think you've gotten an answer to prayer that makes you happy but is contrary to the Bible or other godly counsel from friends or family, that answer came from yourself or the enemy, but not actually from God), so I knew His answer was a good one and that I needed to listen.
Does that answer your question? Again, I don't think this choice is for everyone, but there's definitely nothing bad about it! It sure allowed us a lot more time to really get to know each other before we got married.
Ok, again, saying things like, "It sure allowed us a lot more time to really get to know each other before we got married," that seems like a comment on those of us who did choose to kiss our SO's prior to marriage. As though you're implying that we DON'T know each other as well as those who choose to go the completely chaste route in their relationships.
I'm trying not to take things personally here since your comments aren't specifically aimed at anyone, really, but it seems you might be confused with what being judgemental is. When you say things like, "I believe everyone has to make their own decisions, plus live with what comes of them," it sounds to me (and I'd venture to guess I'm not alone on this) like you're already damning us for our choice to live with our partners prior to marrying them. Not that it matters at all to me, but you'd be surprised at how influential a random stranger's comments can be to someone on a message board. Yes, everyone does have to make their own decisions...that's obvious. But when you say, "...plus live with what comes of them," well, it sounds an awful lot like you're saying that we all have to pay a price for being so very, very naughty!
I personally don't believe in that kind of Christianity. I'm a don't-judge-lest-ye-be-judged kinda gal. I happen to know my husband very well thank you, and he kissed me on the 2nd date. We've been kissin' ever since! But we also talked and listened and held each other through rough times and dealt with scary things (and are still dealing with scary things) together, and THAT is what helped us get to know each other...along with all the lusty things, of course, because that is also a part of getting to know your SO in my opinion. But I never have felt like sex was necessarily a dirty thing, so that's why I feel the way I do about it, I suppose.
You seem like a really nice girl, nigelsbride. I'm not trying to attack you or be mean at all, but rather let you know that some of the things you say are very judgemental, and border on the personal attack thing, in my book. You've got some strength in ya if you were able to hold out until your wedding day before kissin' your man, that's for sure! But please stop implying that those of us who didn't do that are bad people for some reason. I'm not, I can assure you of that. And I have a very strong relationship with God thanks to my faith and upbringing. We're just different, is all. And that's ok!
My hubby and I had plenty of time to get to know each other!! We started dating in high school, dated throughout college - though at different colleges -- then we both applied to grad schools (for totally different programs) in the same city all over the US because we knew we wanted to be near eachother, but were only 21 at the time. We decided on a city and both moved there together, 7 hours from where we are both from - it would have been silly for us to get separate apartments in the same city where we knew no one else - so we moved in together at age 22 (I just turned 22). After living together for a year, we got a dog, then he proposed to me about 2 months later, at age 23. We got married at age 24. I'm glad we lived together first, it made "getting married" quite easy -- we already knew about eachother's quirky things in living with eachother, and we had already combined a lot of financial things (i.e. we bought a car together a few months after moving).
I feel like nigelsbride needs to be defended and that she should be cut some slack - I personally didn't think that she was being judgmental at all, but just explaining her beliefs and why she's made the decisions she's made (after being asked to explain). She's not judging or attacking anyone, and it seems that people are taking things a little too personally and getting defensive.
wow..i hadn't been keeping up with this thread on the boards. i have to say that my story and background is very similar to nigelsbride. there is absolutely nothing in the bible that says you shouldn't kiss before marriage. it was just a decision we made on our own after much prayer for own situation. but i will say that it is against my religous beliefs to have sex before marriage because the bible is pretty clear about that (no gray area there). but we are all different people with our own set of convictions and beliefs and i definitely do not look down on others who have made other choices then the ones i have made.
Thanks to all who shared their stories. Reading your responses helped me come to the conclusion that, although it won't be super easy, moving in together before the wedding will be a good move for us. I would much rather start living together now than stress about it on top of the wedding (if we still go through with it - I joke! I joke!) and besides, it was going to happen eventually anyways!
As amysue stated, this is a personal choice and there is no right or wrong answer. So thanks again for sharing your stories!
I guess I need to clarify that my comment at the end of my last post was actually sarcastic about myself - what I meant was that because we didn't spend any time making out we had that much more time to do other things, like talk, talk, and talk. Especially since we got married 8 months after meeting and led very busy lives. I didn't mean that negatively at all, toward anyone.
KNW - Thank you so much! :-) You are exactly right - I was only responding to what was asked of me and trying to explain MYSELF and OUR decisions alone - not aim at anyone else. None of you know me personally at all, or you would 100% have no doubt that I had no mean intentions, and don't look down on any of you or think any less of any of you if your choices are different. Again, it is not my right or place to judge anyone, so I won't. I realize I have very strong convictions about how I live my own life, and I do have a right to them, just as you all have a right to yours since it's your life that you're living. And I know my Biblical convictions and beliefs aren't very popular these days, but I will stand on them just the same for how I live my own life.
e - You are right - there isn't anything in the Bible about not kissing, and yes, the Bible is very clear about no sex before marriage. We just didn't even want to be tempted at all, and that is also in the Bible. So we set our boundaries higher to avoid even the temptation for sex. (I hope you understood that's what I meant).
If any of you would like to get a little glimpse of my personality or who I really am, without this message thread that's obviously made me look like a horrible person, our wedding website is still up and our story, as well as my own and my husband's, are there under "Our Stories". http://www.nigelandjackie.com. I hope you will, as I'm sad at how I've been treated here.
And believe me, I put off posting in the first place because I thought I might get taken the wrong way, but risked it anyway because my story just might inspire someone out there and it's a different opinion from most of the rest.
I am glad you both explained your points of views regarding the kissing before marriage, but it still seems odd to me.
To me, you need to have that intimacy of kissing and such. Otherwise, it really isn't very different from any other close friendship. However, that is just my opinion, and I am not trying to judge either of you, it is just an observation I had.
Hi. Well just to add to this extremely long thread. My roommate got married in July, and I'm getting married next year.
She didn't move in with her husband until after the wedding, and they're doing GREAT. But they're both pretty easy going people, and they spent a LOT of time together, even if they didn't live with each other. She always went to his place for weekends, he came over 2-3 nights during the week.
I moved in with my FI after my roomate got marred in July. But I only saw my FI 1-2 times during the week. Also I'm not as easy going and we're both so busy and stressed. I knew about his bad habits before, so it wasn't shocked by anything, but it's still been tough for me to adjust. So for me, I'm really glad we're living together and dealing with issues before the wedding. After a 3 month learning curve, I've only started getting comforatble.
I am moving in with my fiance at the end of the year. We have been together for 5 years, and will be married in May. We decided to live together before the wedding not only due to economic reasons, but also to become accustomed to sharing a living space together. I hope that we will be able to mesh together as smoothly as possible, and it's good for us to find out what we need to work on in our relationship since we're going to be living together in the near future anyways. I think it will be a bit difficult to give up that personal space we are each used to having for only our own selves. Also, just because we will be living together does not mean we will not wait until marriage to have sex. That was a choice we made in the very beginning, and cohabitating for us does not have to mean being intimate in that way before the wedding.
My fiance and I are not living together before we get married for a lot of reasons. We currently spend a lot of time together at mostly my apartment. We cook meals together and do things around the house together. He knows how I like the dishes put in the dishwasher, etc. We have had talks about money in preparation for moving in together, and I can't wait until we are married and really live together.
Knowing that we will be married when we move in to the first place that we live together means a lot to me, and I'm actually glad that we aren't living together before marriage, no matter how badly I actually want to!
A lot of my reasons are religious but some of them are logistical too.
posted by kleverkira 10 months agoNigelsbride, just an FYI, you did come across as judgemental. No biggy, but just thought I'd let you know. ;)
No one should judge anyone else for their decisions on why or how they did things in their own personal lives. My hubby moved into my house within about 3 months of us starting to date...he didn't give up his old apartment for another 2 months, but it just made sense for him to stop paying rent there, as he was living full time in our home at the time.
He was the first guy I've ever lived with, and it's gone pretty well for us. He loads the dishwasher "wrong" and I like to watch t.v. that he'd never think of watching, but our little annoyances don't seem to outweigh the good stuff we find in being together in our home. We belong together, and that's been clear from the beginning of our relationship. We got married last weekend, and this week hasn't been any less "special" or "magical" or whatever might be expected by a girl (or guy) after their wedding day, but I can say that I'm awfully proud of my man. And I think he's proud of me, too.
My marriage and life with my husband is very special to ME. Regardless of whether we lived together (and did all kinds of naughty things, too, mind ya!) prior to the marriage, that doesn't make the fact that we have made this amazing commitment to each other any less amazing. Not in my opinion, anyway.
posted by Faithsista 10 months agoWe're going to move in together in 4 months. We dated without living together in the same city for 9 months, then he moved away a little over 2 years ago. When he comes back, we'll get an apartment together. And after we get married a year after that, we're going to be moving to another city; we're going to view that as our first "transition" as husband and wife. In the meantime, we're going to use our time together to establish what we need to register for, save money on rent, and go through pre-marital counseling. Oh yes, and cuddle. Lots of cuddling.
posted by amysue 10 months agoMy fiance and I have been together for eight years and have lived together for four. Because we were young when we started dating, we were not in a hurry to move in together right away. Though we did plenty of staying over at one another's apartments in the earlier years, we felt the financial responsibility of sharing a place was too great to rush into. We also both loved having our own spaces and were not ready right away to give up our independence and the freedom of living alone. When we finally did move in together, we knew we were prepared and had given it plenty of consideration. Now that we are getting married, I am glad we've had these years living together to learn each other's quirks and habits and begin building our living habits as a couple. Personally, I would not have wanted to get married without having lived with him first, but I can of course respect the decision to wait for those to whom it feels right.
As for your worries, make sure you communicate them to him thoughout the adjustment process. He might feel exactly the same way, and if you tell him, I'll bet he'll respect giving you your space and making the transition as easy as possible. Once you get used to having him there all the time, you'll probably love it as much as I love living with my guy. There's always someone there to give you a hug or make you laugh, and every day activities become much more fun when you have someone to share them with. Congrats, and good luck!
posted by Emambrosia 10 months agoNigelsbride,
Not to be mean, but I don't understand your reasoning. I'd rather learn about a person's quirks before getting married because after that, you're "stuck" with them... you have no choice. What if after two people get married, they move in together and the woman finds out her husband is abusive? (it's happened before). What then? They're already married so it would be much more difficult to leave the relationship. I think it would be better to move in together before marriage and learn about those things so if you find out you're not compatible, you can leave the relationship without all of the consequences (legal and otherwise) that come along with a divorce. But maybe that's just me...
Also, let's be realistic. For some people, they have no choice because of financial reasons. Like I mentioned in my post earlier, my fiance and I had to move in together because I would have been homeless otherwise. I couldn't move back home with my parents (because they lived in a tiny little house without space for me to even sleep), and I definitely couldn't afford the $900+ per month rent for an apartment on my own (that's how much it costs here). I thoroughly believe that my fiance saved me by agreeing to move in together! He loved me so much that he didn't want to have to face the prospect of me quitting school and essentially ending up homeless. Just another reason why I love him! :) Nigelsbride, maybe you were lucky and made very good money or your parents let you live with them for a long time. Not everyone has that luxury. You shouldn't be so judgmental (because you did come across that way even if you didn't intend to). I'm a Christian also, but I'm not that judgmental of people because I understand everyone's situations are different. My marriage will be just as special as yours even though my fiance and I chose to live together beforehand. We've been together for 6 years, and we're still going strong. He's my soul mate and nothing will change that.
posted by kappaucf20 10 months agoI guess it's harder than I thought to say what I mean without coming across the wrong way. I apologize if I sounded judgemental - really, I believe everyone has to make their own decisions, plus live with what comes of them, and I'm not going to judge anyone for that. It is not my right, or my place, to judge anyone. There's so much more to what I said that I could write a book, and there's just not enough space here for that.
I also believe that God has always helped me and provided for me. I pray to him many times a day... I'm fanatic about it lol. But I also believe that he brought my fiance into the picture for a reason. There were no other options in my life at that point... I had no one else to turn to and no one else to help me. So while I was crying every night, agonizing over what I was going to do or where I was going to live, I prayed to him for help. And what happened? My fiance suggested that we live together. That was the one and only answer I got! I think it was meant to be. No one else offered to help me, but my fiance did. He was the only one I could count on. There has to be a reason for that (in my opinion).
posted by kappaucf20 10 months agoBeccs -
Ok, again, saying things like, "It sure allowed us a lot more time to really get to know each other before we got married," that seems like a comment on those of us who did choose to kiss our SO's prior to marriage. As though you're implying that we DON'T know each other as well as those who choose to go the completely chaste route in their relationships.
I'm trying not to take things personally here since your comments aren't specifically aimed at anyone, really, but it seems you might be confused with what being judgemental is. When you say things like, "I believe everyone has to make their own decisions, plus live with what comes of them," it sounds to me (and I'd venture to guess I'm not alone on this) like you're already damning us for our choice to live with our partners prior to marrying them. Not that it matters at all to me, but you'd be surprised at how influential a random stranger's comments can be to someone on a message board. Yes, everyone does have to make their own decisions...that's obvious. But when you say, "...plus live with what comes of them," well, it sounds an awful lot like you're saying that we all have to pay a price for being so very, very naughty!
I personally don't believe in that kind of Christianity. I'm a don't-judge-lest-ye-be-judged kinda gal. I happen to know my husband very well thank you, and he kissed me on the 2nd date. We've been kissin' ever since! But we also talked and listened and held each other through rough times and dealt with scary things (and are still dealing with scary things) together, and THAT is what helped us get to know each other...along with all the lusty things, of course, because that is also a part of getting to know your SO in my opinion. But I never have felt like sex was necessarily a dirty thing, so that's why I feel the way I do about it, I suppose.
You seem like a really nice girl, nigelsbride. I'm not trying to attack you or be mean at all, but rather let you know that some of the things you say are very judgemental, and border on the personal attack thing, in my book. You've got some strength in ya if you were able to hold out until your wedding day before kissin' your man, that's for sure! But please stop implying that those of us who didn't do that are bad people for some reason. I'm not, I can assure you of that. And I have a very strong relationship with God thanks to my faith and upbringing. We're just different, is all. And that's ok!
posted by Faithsista 10 months agoMy hubby and I had plenty of time to get to know each other!! We started dating in high school, dated throughout college - though at different colleges -- then we both applied to grad schools (for totally different programs) in the same city all over the US because we knew we wanted to be near eachother, but were only 21 at the time. We decided on a city and both moved there together, 7 hours from where we are both from - it would have been silly for us to get separate apartments in the same city where we knew no one else - so we moved in together at age 22 (I just turned 22). After living together for a year, we got a dog, then he proposed to me about 2 months later, at age 23. We got married at age 24. I'm glad we lived together first, it made "getting married" quite easy -- we already knew about eachother's quirky things in living with eachother, and we had already combined a lot of financial things (i.e. we bought a car together a few months after moving).
posted by ABL 10 months agoFaithsista,
Thank you for your post. That is exactly what I was feeling.
posted by bonniebelle101 10 months agoI feel like nigelsbride needs to be defended and that she should be cut some slack - I personally didn't think that she was being judgmental at all, but just explaining her beliefs and why she's made the decisions she's made (after being asked to explain). She's not judging or attacking anyone, and it seems that people are taking things a little too personally and getting defensive.
posted by KNW 10 months agowow..i hadn't been keeping up with this thread on the boards. i have to say that my story and background is very similar to nigelsbride. there is absolutely nothing in the bible that says you shouldn't kiss before marriage. it was just a decision we made on our own after much prayer for own situation. but i will say that it is against my religous beliefs to have sex before marriage because the bible is pretty clear about that (no gray area there). but we are all different people with our own set of convictions and beliefs and i definitely do not look down on others who have made other choices then the ones i have made.
posted by e 10 months agoI think everybody just needs to agree that, as said before, this is a very personal choice that's made on the level of specific couples.
posted by amysue 10 months agoThanks to all who shared their stories. Reading your responses helped me come to the conclusion that, although it won't be super easy, moving in together before the wedding will be a good move for us. I would much rather start living together now than stress about it on top of the wedding (if we still go through with it - I joke! I joke!) and besides, it was going to happen eventually anyways!
As amysue stated, this is a personal choice and there is no right or wrong answer. So thanks again for sharing your stories!
posted by sweetart 10 months agoI am glad you both explained your points of views regarding the kissing before marriage, but it still seems odd to me.
Hi. Well just to add to this extremely long thread. My roommate got married in July, and I'm getting married next year.
She didn't move in with her husband until after the wedding, and they're doing GREAT. But they're both pretty easy going people, and they spent a LOT of time together, even if they didn't live with each other. She always went to his place for weekends, he came over 2-3 nights during the week.
I moved in with my FI after my roomate got marred in July. But I only saw my FI 1-2 times during the week. Also I'm not as easy going and we're both so busy and stressed. I knew about his bad habits before, so it wasn't shocked by anything, but it's still been tough for me to adjust. So for me, I'm really glad we're living together and dealing with issues before the wedding. After a 3 month learning curve, I've only started getting comforatble.
posted by cyshas 10 months agoI am moving in with my fiance at the end of the year. We have been together for 5 years, and will be married in May. We decided to live together before the wedding not only due to economic reasons, but also to become accustomed to sharing a living space together. I hope that we will be able to mesh together as smoothly as possible, and it's good for us to find out what we need to work on in our relationship since we're going to be living together in the near future anyways. I think it will be a bit difficult to give up that personal space we are each used to having for only our own selves. Also, just because we will be living together does not mean we will not wait until marriage to have sex. That was a choice we made in the very beginning, and cohabitating for us does not have to mean being intimate in that way before the wedding.
posted by NiftyBa 10 months ago