Living together before marriage…means it wont be special when you do?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Being married is still VERY special, and feels quite different in a good way. 

Post # 4
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@candy08:  My Aunt got married after living with her *now* hubby for 2 years and her answer to my question “How is life after the honeymoon” was just really sad to me…

She said, “we just went back to our routine.” Something about nesting and signifying the start of a life together is important. That newly wed excitment of unpacking and figuring out a home seem important.

However it is your choice and you sound like you know what you want. I doubt you will change your mind so just go enjoy your life 🙂 

Post # 5
4136 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Lol. No to all of that. Sheesh. 

Post # 8
14 posts
  • Wedding: January 2014

Hi Candy08, I have been living with FH for almost 5 years! We have grown so much and learnt a lot about each other, as well as shared very real life experiences that we otherwise would not have been able to. I have learnt that he will stick by me through the good times and the bad, and that I can trust him, and peacefully and maturely resolve conflicts, deal with difficult family situations, etc.

I think it is great that you and your fiance are learning things like how to respect each others space (and maintain your own), solve conflict, share housework, bills, etc before you get married. These are very important life skills that help a marriage, not detract from it.

In regards to those people judging you, ignore them – people have no right to stick their noses into the most personal decisions of your lives, much less to judge you for it. These days a lot of people are even choosing to be childfree by choice. Live and let live!

Enjoy living together and planning the wedding, believe me it won’t make married life any less special – it will only enhance it 🙂 xx

Post # 9
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@candy08:  We lived together for 3yrs prior to getting married.

Honestly, married life feels pretty much the exact same as before, maybe just a little different since you call each other “husband & wife” & thus the previous inward level of commitment is now expressed to the world through these new titles. Our commitment level hasn’t really changed inside because, well, being engaged means you plan to spend your lives together too!

After the wedding, we opened the gifts, put away the wedding items, & got back to life as usual.

Sorry to break the news, but depending on how intertwined your lives were beforehand (& the level of commitment), married life might not be as big of a surprise/excitement factor as you might have hoped for if you lived together during the engagement.

Post # 10
8850 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Yes of course it’s different and special. I used to come home to my boyfriend – now I come home to my HUSBAND. That’s a wonderful change and anyone who says otherwise is a moron. 

Furthermore, I am so happy to have worked out all the kinks of living together long before we got married. Yeah we went back to “our routine”, but we knew how to live together happily so that is a good thing! 

Post # 11
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My husband and I lived together for five years before our wedding. We still got to experience all the same things that a couple that moves in together after marriage gets to experience…..we just did it in a different order. It is up to each couple what works for them, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Personally, I like our routine and do not think it is sad at all that we went right back to it after the wedfing.

Post # 12
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Oh gosh YES

Being Married is different from Dating / Living Together for sure

If it wasn’t so, there wouldn’t be soooo many Bees on the WAITING BOARD wishing for it to be true / happen …

Or really a need for the WBee Website at all.

A Wedding / Marriage is what many girls, teens, women, dream of… hope for.

True Love in full bloom.

No diffference ???

Seriously… who thinks this way ???

Mr TTR & I dated for 7+ Years by the time we were married (and lived together a good long part of that) … and still coming home after our Honeymoon to “our house” was different.  We were now MR & MRS… Husband & Wife.

Different for us, different in the eyes of the Law, God, and everyone around us.

And ya, take all the time you need / want to savour the time that qualifies as Newlyweds…

Hope this helps,


Post # 13
2338 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

We’ve lived together for almost 2 years. I’ve dealt with him and we’ve learned to live together in the last few years and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. All of my friends who didn’t live together said things like “I can’t believe how hard it is to be married!” and I 100 percent believe they actually mean “I can’t believe how hard it is to get used to living together!“. We’re past the learning who does what and how our home should run stage. Will that make being husband and wife less important? Nope.

Post # 14
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@candy08:  I am sorry the pressure is being put on you! It sucks but at least you got a man to lean on! 

Post # 15
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My fiancé and I personally feel that part of the excitement of getting married is moving in together.  We decided when we started dating that if we ever got serious we would wait until marriage to live together.  250 days to go and I absolutely can’t wait to start our life together!!

Post # 16
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I live with my FI and I am of the mindset that you never truly know someone until you live with them, for good or bad. That being said, I want to enjoy our first few years of marriage before bringing up the idea of ttc, and maybe that’s selfish but I don’t care!! I want to relax and enjoy wedded bliss for a while before getting to the next stage. Who cares if we live together now, it’s my timeline to plan. 

So just ignore them, change the subject, or tell them this is what you’ve decided works for you!! 

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