Post # 1
We’ve been living together for 1.5years. Three weeks ago he moved from here in Texas to California for a better job (not any good TV/News positions here in the Dallas area and he was offered a really great opportunity in San Fran). We both agreed this was something he needed to do and I’m extremely happy and proud of him for taking this big step.
Needless to say I’m heartbroken that he’s gone. I cried every night the first week he was gone, but I’m doing better now, but still miss him tremendously.
Has anyone been here before? Any words of wisdom on how to deal with being apart for 6 months before even discussing the possibility of my relocating to where he is? (I work from home and can live practically anywhere–the catch is I have two daughters in 8th and 6th grade who I must consider). I feel a little hopeless and would love some advice on how to get through the next 6 months.
Post # 3
@autokate: Start by taking a deep breath, knowing the two of you talked about this – it sounds extensively – before he did it. That means he cares about you and your relationship with him.
I am also a journalist. I’ve moved around a lot and at one point or another – most of my relationships have gone long distance.
Here are a few ideas –
Set aside time to talk to him. Find a time and day(s ) of the week you are both free to talk – no distractions. No computer, no tv. Sit back and chat. Don’t stress distance during these talks.
Get busy. The first weeks are the roughest. Focus on your daughters, their activities and keep yourself busy during down time. Cook and bake, do yoga, dance, call up girlfriends you haven’t seen ina while, take your daughters out.
Keep around something that remind you of him. I used to keep a teddy bear he sprayed down with his cologne each tmie before he left, and slept in one of his old T-shirts. It’s like having a piece of him physically with you.
Be spontaneous via distance – Hallmark makes 99 cent “Shoebox” cards. Send one randomly. Flat rate shipping from the post off – send his favorite candy or an inside joke. Being playful like this in low cost ways is romantic, and usually encourages it back.
Last – know when you are goign to see him again. For me, it always helped knowing there was “a weekend’ or set date we would be meeting up. It may not be for a while – but set a date for plans to see each other and stick to it.
Most of all – good luck and follow your heart.
Post # 4
@dragonlover: Thank you. You’re right–I need to get and stay busy. I LOVE the idea of sending him things–what a great idea!
On a side note–you journalists! How do you live this life?! I hear of everyone moving everywhere throughout their careers. Does it ever end? Is there even a possibility of every settling down in one place or is it the life of a nomad?
Post # 5
@autokate: My current Boy (hopefully fiance soon) loved when I sent him a small card with a detailed story of a moment that I really thought of him. Or one time his favorite candy in a surprise package.
Right now – the journalism world is changing. between me and my boyfriend, he knows my career choice (and I’m driven) may require moving. He’s asked me to try to find a company I can grow in. I get his idea – find a company that you like workign for, that has upwards mobility.
That way hopefully I can find a company i’m happy to be in. The other way is eventually some of us get enough experience that we become copy editors, editor – senior staff. Once you’ve hit that experience level, I’m told its easier to stay in one place.
Or transfer to a different job title in the field – PR, etc.
My boyfriend is happy to let me be the career driven one, while he is career driven – he’s equally happy to eventually play Mr. Mom or Wonder Dad. It’s non-traditional, but works 🙂 In our current equation – he cooks the dinners most nights. I pay for dinners out.
Post # 6
Our strategy was daily phone calls, lots of mail, and getting really into schoolwork and our hobbies. It’s tough, but the heart’s a tough muscle. You can get through it.