Living together – temporary? Opinions/advice/help

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Why don’t you just explain your relationship with your dad to your BF?  That way he’ll understand where you’re coming from when you tell him you don’t want him moving in with you.

Post # 4
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

willow_1960:  It sounds like this is more of an issue with the relationship you have with your dad than your BF.  You have to make the decision if you want to confront your father and have him treat you like an adult, or if you want to live in fear of disappointing him for the rest of your life and let him see you as a child.

Post # 5
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You’re an adult, and old enough to make your own decisions. If you’re still hiding the fact that you stay with your bf on weekends, I really don’t think you’re ready to move in with him. You don’t need your dad’s permission to have a sex life. If he asks what your plans are this weekend, just state “I’m heading out of town with John”. No questions, just a statement of fact. If you keep acting like a 16 year old sneaking out of the house to go on a secret date, he’ll keep treating you like one.

Post # 7
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

willow_1960:  Do what you feel comfortable with and it seems like you aren’t confortable with him moving in with you yet.  I would let him know that ASAP.  Let him know you care about him/love him but you arne’t quite ready to move in together.  Let him know what would make you feel comfortable with that situation (dating for 2 years, being engaged, being married, whatever makes you comfortbale).  You do not owe it to him to open your home to him.

If it is something you want and you are financially independent then you need to stand up to your dad.  I had the same issue with my dad before I got married the first time and again after I got divorced.  Dads are protective, some more than others.  I occasionally have to remind him that I am an adult that is financially independent and as a result I have the right to make my own decisions even when he doesn’t like them.  I also point out that he likely made decisions his parents didn’t approve of as well.  It’s a part of being an adult.  If you absolutely can’t handle doing it face-to-face then send him a letter or email.  After sending my dad an email the first time I asserted my independence, I have been able to confront him in person or by telephone when I need to tell him something I know he won’t like.

Post # 9
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

willow_1960:  I’m sure he knows already.

And as far as moving in with your bf, you’ll know when you’re ready. It’s a good conversation to have, just to get a feel for where you both stand. Coming from experience here, it’s very different going from distance to living in the same area, and it’s also a transition when you move in. Just keep the communication open, and remember that leases are temporary. If you decide after a few months of him moving closer that you’re ready to move in, you can start looking at apartments and options.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors