Post # 1
Fiance and I have been living together for six months…in six months we are getting married.
We’ve gotten much closer, kissed and loved, but…we spend so much time separate i’m not sure it’s normal.
We used to go on dates, go out, everything. Now after a long week Fiance and I spend time separately, probably on our computers doing our own thing until 10 PM. Now today is Saturday and again, we have nothing planned until we go out to the bar with some of my friends (around 10PM)
Not sure if it’s a normal slump of living together but not actually spendimg time. We obviously talk and eat meals together and have fun, but it’s so odd to me that we aren’t doing anything together anymore.
Any tips to keep living together interesting?
Post # 3
@doubtingdebbieah: Welcome to life together 🙂 Lol, jk it doesn’t have to be this way….thought it can easily get that way.
FI and I have been living together for 4 years. We used to be huge homebodies merely because it was easier to do so. Now, we make it a point to invite friends over, go to their places or go out and do things. We usually do affordable dates (i.e., go out for frozen yogurt, $1 movie theater, a hike, coffee, etc).
But you really do have to put more effort into it!
Post # 4
@doubtingdebbieah: We have lived together for 11 months now and I know what you are talking about. For us, life gets so busy that there is very little time left in the day for each other. We try, every night to have no computer on, no tv on, and to sit and talk at the kitchen table; This often leads to the old ‘romantic’ stuff and feelings.
Post # 5
@doubtingdebbieah: I say, honestly, this is normal. SO & I have separate rooms that we can go to and just be alone. Having a space thats just for you is important. We sleep together & eat together. We’ll watch movies and play games. But, yeah, having a space thnats just for you is a blessing.
Post # 6
It’s easy to get so caught up in one’s own day-to-day stuff that you start to feel like roommates more than lovers.
My tips? Don’t take each other for granted. Even doing something small to let your SO know you care can help remind you why you’re together. Take care of a chore that’s normally their responsibility, leave a sweet note, cook a nice meal. It can be whatever you want.
Date nights! These are really important when you’ve been living together for a while. DH and I try to go out at least twice a month. Or, have a date night in. Prepare a nice dinner or order in, light some candles, share some wine and plan an activity to do together after dinner, like playing a silly board game or something a bit more adult-oriented. 😉
If you have Netflix, find a series you can both enjoy and watch a few episodes in an evening while cuddling.
Post # 7
@doubtingdebbieah: we definitely have gotten in those ruts before, especially since planning the wedding – I felt liek I was CONSTANTLY doing wedding research stuff and so he’d just do whatever on his computer. It does take a huge toll. We have a few nights a week designated to be unplugged – no phones/computer at all in the evening. Even though we usally just end up watching a movie or catching up on shows, we are doing it together and totally present with each other and relax and cuddle together. Taking away the distraction of the phone/computer makes a HUGE difference!
Alone time separated from each other is SO important to. You just need to strike a better balance! 🙂
Post # 8
I’d say DH & I are the same way. We just make sure to have at least one date night a week, even if it’s just us going out to eat or something small like that. We’re still adjusting to new routines, so it’s hard to have much energy during the week. But it doesn’t mean something is wrong if you two are doing your own thing. I’d say it’s equally as important to have alone time, as it is to have time together!
Post # 9
Living together is pretty much exactly how most pp’s described it.
We go to work, come home, and are usually too tired or just don’t want to do anything. We lounge around, cook/eat dinner, and go to bed. We aren’t the going out kind of people, for multiple reasons [we have to get up really early in the morning, everything costs alot around here, and its at least a 20 minute drive].
We have found small ways to keep connected :
– When we come home, we spend 15-20 minutes discussing our days. If we were angry out something, we update each other and then let it go. Home is no place to be angry about work.
– We both cook dinner, unless something MUST get done right then. Usually I’ll cook the main dish and FI will chop veggies, onions, or make a dessert. We talk and play and enjoy drinks.
Once we eat dinner, we are free to do whatever. I can start with more wedding planning [what i’ve been doing lately], and he can watch tv, or play WoW, or xbox. Sometimes we’ll both play WoW.
– We usually lay in bed and talk about our plans for the tomorrow, the week, or the year. Or even larger plans.
– We also have a large dry erase board in the kitchen where we post love notes, important dates or information. It’s usually covered with lots of hearts and smiley faces!
Post # 10
@iheartnerds: I agree with all of this!
I’ve never felt in a rut in 2.5 years of living with my FI because I’ve never allowed myself to take him for granted, I always take a moment to appreciate how much he has improved my life. And we have a date night every week. Just a Friday night happy hour outing is all it takes. We’re already excited for it by Thursday night. And it helps to stay busy too. I spend so much time away from home or working at home that the time I get to spend relaxing with him and our favorite shows is a real treat.
Post # 11
we just passed our 4th anniversary living together (almost 6 yrs together but about 8 m till our wedding) and I will absolutely second the date nights and dinner time…
I like to cook but even if we just get pizza takeout I want the tv off and us talking and paying some sort of attention to each other during dinner (though I can’t say there is 100% compliance w the tv off every night…but most)
also we alternate planning and going out on dates – it can be simple and little like ice cream or hike in the woods or big like dinner in the city and broadway play but we basically try to still go “out” and do things .
I have a lot of friends over (especially my girls) so even thoughw we are together we aren’t always “together” if you know what I mean so we try to make sure we still spend time just us doing things. Since we are wedding planning we have a set day (tues) to do wedding stuff and talk I hope to keep that going post wedding as well.
Post # 12
I think it’s a normal thing to happen. When you live together, it’s different. You don’t call him up and make plans to go out. I never looked at doing homey things as a down side though. I don’t mind “doing nothing with him” we do have some date nights together though. I just enjoy being around him
We don’t have separate spaces though. we have 2 desks in our room. he spends lots of time on his computer, and I’ll study or watch tv in the same room.