Living with in laws.

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
2787 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If you can afford to move out, move out.   There really isn’t that much else to it.   They are adults and as a roommate, yeah, they should give you a heads up, but they don’t need to ask you permision to do stuff in a sharred space.  Unless you have ground rules that are agreed upon of “Don’t invite someone over without informing all of us,” you can’t depend on what you see as a social norm to dictate behavior.

Also, it is okay to not be a roommate person.  I’m not.  FI is the first person I have lived with since graduating college.   For a few years it meant living in places that were not totally great with appartment management that I hated, but I lived in a place I could afford without help. 

Post # 3
5187 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

You need to get your own place.

Post # 4
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

….so why do you live with them? do you have an exit strategy?

Post # 5
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Are you all paying the same amount to live there?  

My older brother moved home with wife, three kids, and a dog to live with me, my younger brother and my dad.  My nieces and nephews are closer to my younger brother and I in age then my brother.  It created some problems.  It started out once a week, then twice monthly …but we would clear out the dinner stuff and sit down and bring up complaints.  Some things were fixable, like me leaving my dry clothes in the dyer over night, and others, getting rid of their dog, were not fixed.  Have you guys tried that?  It sounds like you may be bottling everything up and expecting them to know what bugs you… .and they may be clueless. 

Post # 9
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

FutureMrsB123:  yeah knowing she was crazy before you lived there would have been helpful.   

modular homes sound great and then that way you only deal with your FSIL in a crowd lol 

Post # 10
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

FutureMrsB123:  Sorry you’re in this situation. From experience, I know that roommates can suck, even if they’re your friends. I agree with PP who said you need to sit down and lay some “ground rules.” Present it as, “I know that there probably are things that I do that bug you too, so we should sit down and set some basic guidelines for the house.” I would talk to your fiance before, and help him understand where you’re coming from, and ask his help in not sounding like you’re attacking the other roommates. 

Some of the things I set with my old roommates was that we never left dishes in the sink overnight. We alternated weekends cleaning the common areas and we kept our own areas (bathrooms and bedrooms) clean ourselves. We were “allowed” to have guests whenever we wanted, but we always sent eachother a text just to let them know. 

Like I said, I think you need to think through and even write down the complaints that you have. Look over them, and try to think of solutions that are reasonable for both sides. Make sure that when you bring it up you’re calm. The last thing you want to do is come of as emotional or super frustrated. That probably will only make them defensive and not willing to help. 

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