living with my in-laws is ruining my sex life

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
896 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@wisher558:  I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but the way I see it: 1) he needs to either buy a bigger bed and sleep with you (and the in-laws wills still interfere somewhat); or 2) he needs to buy a bigger bed to sleep with you and move out.  Really, either way he just needs to sleep with you.  He can wear ear plugs or something. 

Post # 5
Member
7193 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@wisher558:  Wait, what, you’re married? And your husband doesn’t want to share the same bed or bedroom as you?? That’s the problem, not your in-laws.

Sex when other people are in the house is always possible so long as you share a room.

Drag him to the mall and buy a queen size bed. Explain to him that sharing a bed and a bedroom is a non-negotiable of marriage. (At least in the early days when you both are healthy).

Post # 6
Member
896 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@wisher558:  Sex is important.  I suggest talking to him about how you feel. 

Post # 7
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Can’t you hang out in one or the other person’s room?  I get that having the inlaws around is a bit of a mood killer but just wait til they’re watching TV or cooking or something.  

 

Is the problem your inlaws not wanting you to share, or your DH not wanting to buy a bed? If the latter, tell him it’s exteremely important to you that as a married couple you share a bed.  Have you talked to him?  

 

Why can’t you work?  Have you considered opening an Etsy shop and selling stuff online?  Are you going to be able to work in the future? 

 

If this is a temporary situation, then you can probably make it work with more communication and a bit of understanding from him.  If this looks to be permanent, then something needs to change- your income, or his income. 

Edit- saw your updates.  Have you gone to the dr to see if your snoring is a problem? If not, get him some earplugs and tell him to suck it up.  Relationships are about give and take and right now he is taking everything.  I slept with earplugs for two years in college and it was seriously NBD.  

Post # 9
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

It’s becoming more common to have seperate bedrooms but I agree that you definitely need to do something about your sex life if you’re feeling that way. 

Maybe you and him could implement couples time or something? Put a TV in one of your bedrooms and watch a movie or something alone (away from the inlaws). Or read books in one of your rooms? Something to at least have more privacy, that would be a start at least.

Perhaps you both could spend the begininng of the night in your bed/his bed (you could always take turns determining who leaves) and just talk/cuddle/have sex until you’re ready to actually sleep and then part ways?  

Post # 10
Member
7258 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Your husband is ruining your sex life, not your in laws. 

Post # 11
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Could you babysit to make some income? That probably wouldn’t cover rent but it might be nice to get out of the house!

Post # 13
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I live with my SO and his parents, so I do understand where you are coming from. I’d talk to your husband about the lack of sex sistuation. It could be that he’s uncomfortable with having sex with his parents in the house. I know if the role was reversed and we lived in the same house with my parents, I’d be sleeping in a different room and no sex unless the house was empty lol. My SO’s parents are more relaxed and just don’t give a rats ass. The snoring, well I’d talk to a doctor about it, or try those nose strips. You know the one that you somehow adhere to your nose and it makes the airways open, thus making the snoring go away.

Could you travel over the boarder to work? I used to live in NYC and I came into contact with a lot of Canadians there working.

 

Post # 14
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@wisher558:  I agree with PP, it sounds like HE is the problem more than the inlaws.  Are you guys paying any rent at all?  If so, you should be able to (politely) tell his mom to nose out.  You’re paying for the rooms and deserve your privacy. Otherwise, like a PP suggested, start routinely watching tv/movies/reading/hanging out in one of your rooms so it becomes routine for the parents not to expect you downstairs.  Then, you’ll have more privacy and more opportunities. 

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