Post # 1
FI just texted me a screen shot of his cousin asking to borrow $500!! You have go to be kidding me. We are not wealthy by any means but we do have the money. Of course FI says yes he’s going to loan it to him but I am not on board.
Just recently FI’s mom asked to borrow $200 and we gave it to her, luckily she paid us back when she said she was going to. I’m kind of thinking FMIL steered cousin our way for the cash. I try to tell FI that we are NOT a bank and we need to be on the same page regarding loaning money. I see it as, don’t loan money and expect to get it back. So now I need to come to terms with not getting that money back.
It’s so frustrating that his side of the family is doing this to us. We are saving for the wedding and our future, we don’t have disposable income! I wish we could say no, but it’s not just my money.
I let FI know that this has to stop and we have to say no the next family member that asks us for a loan.
have any of you bees had a situation where a family member or close friend asked you for a loan? How did it work out?
Post # 3
@Artificial-Sweetener: We have had people ask and my DH have come to an agreement that we do not loan money to anyone, ever. While we hate looking like a couple of hard asses it just isn’t worth destroying relationships over, which money often does.
Post # 4
Ugh. That’s shitty. I wonder why he felt obligated to loan it.. and to agree before asking you.
I’d make it clear that once you’re married, it’s YOUR (collective) money, so he needs to ask you before he says yes. $500 here and there adds up and it impacts both your lives.
I would not expect it back. At the least, I’d get repayment terms in writing.
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@Artificial-Sweetener: I have a zero borrowing/lending policy when it comes to friends and family. If you cannot afford to gift them the money, do not give it to them. That way, if they can’t or refuse to pay it back, you aren’t put in a bad spot because of it.
Post # 6
Yeah. My brother and sister-in-law asked us for $3k as a loan so she could take her Physician’s Assistant licensing exam. We gladly loaned it to them (she had a ton of student loan debt already and they were hoping to not add to it). They said they would be able to pay it back within 3 months.
Two days after her exam they posted that they were leaving on a very expensive all-inclusive private villa Mexican vacation.
Guess what the $3k was for?! And, it took them a year to pay us back. Ugh.
I will not be loaning them money in the future unless my nephew’s future depends on it. I’ve now seen them do the same thing to my parents time and time again.
Post # 7
@crayfish: Oh hell no!!!!
Post # 8
@Artificial-Sweetener: i only loan money to my parents if they ask or really need it and i can afford to give it…besides that nope no one…i never give away what i cant afford to lose…and thats not much! lol
Post # 9
I know, it’s so difficult with him. He is willing to loan money to family no matter what. But I’m going to have a tough time getting him to see that it is OUR money. He says that it’s the same thing as me saying no, he has every right to say yes.
We will definitely be having more discussions about this in the future, and maybe something we should bring up with our officiate before the wedding.
Post # 10
I’ve never had anyone asking me for money (maybe because I’m a student still and don’t have a lot of money), but I couldn’t imagine giving money to someone without papers signed or interests or whatever, and hope the money will get back to me one day. No way ! MY BFF often loans 20$ to one of her friends. Let’s say she never gave it back, and that makes a lot of 20s. Once my ex and I offered to split the cable/Internet with the neighbor (I know, not legal, but the whole in the wall and the cable was already there and it made our payments lower). All we asked was for 20$ a month, no kidding, for super high speed.
Well, not only did we pretty much, never saw that money without putting pressure over him (we cut his cable from time to time when he *forgot to pay*), but his 20$ was not even enough to cover all the extra-downloads and abusive use of Internet he did. I realized one day he was moving. Knock knock : you owe us 80$ still. He ran away and we found a 60$ envelope that evening.
Of course both examples are not from people super-close to us or to my BFF, but still … I could not afford to *maybe* lose 500$. And getting it written down on a paper by a lawyer is too expensive. If it was a multiple thousands loan I would advise you write it down somewhere, but still, 500$ with no proof, not a good idea IMO.
Post # 11
@Artificial-Sweetener: I will never loan , money again. I loaned a close family member $1500 and never got one cent back. Never again!
Post # 12
@NauticalDisaster: I added an option for you 🙂
Post # 13
Post # 14
@Artificial-Sweetener: It gets better: we are renting a house in San Diego for a week with them, my mom, our dog, etc over Christmas, and my mom fronted it on her credit card a month ago. Instead of paying her their 1/3 of the rental, they left on a cruise today. Never ever ever fronting money for them!!!
Post # 15
DH occasionally lends money, but assumes he’ll never get it back. I don’t lend money on principle.
Post # 16
my husband’s family thinks he is their personal atm. if they need money for anything- a wedding, their cable bill, their phone, their kids’ activities, they ask my husband. he feels bad and wants to be able to help everyone, but i told him it’s not fair to him that he’s missing out things/experiences that he wants because all his money goes to his brothers and sisters. it’s not his responsibility to pay their bills or get them a house (yes, he was asked to help buy a house). plus, if the tables were turned and he needed to ask them for money, he wouldn’t be able to count on them the way that they can always count on him.
it pisses me off the way they’ve taken advantage of him. but since we’ve been together and i’ve talked some sense into him, he’s stopped lending money so freely and only lends money to people who we know will pay us back.