Local pre-cana for a destination wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
1060 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Hmm, I have a certain parish that I’m in. Maybe your FI’s family’s parish? Just talk to any priest anywhere and I’m sure it’ll be okay!

Post # 4
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If he’s not practicing, not sure why he’s so eager to get married in the church.  

My FI and I are both practicing but very mobile.  We attend Mass every weekend but haven’t been to our local parish since June becuase we fit it into every weekend activity we do.

If the church is important, then start going to Mass every weekend.  It’s one hour and offered on Saturday afternoon, several times Sunday morning and occasinally on Sunday night.  Establish yourself in the Church, go to engaged encounter, then approcach the priest in CA.  If you are practicing, it shouldn’t be an issue, but I don’t know many priests who would officiate when the only Catholic in the party is not practicing.

Post # 5
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@NurseNess17:  Your husband does belong to a parish – by default he belongs to the closest one to him.  Go there, say you want to get married.  The correct line is:

“This is a really important, spiritual time in our life, and it’s time to come back to the Church.”

The priest there will (1) interview you both and fill out a Form 1 for each of you, (2) Tell you how to arrange to have Form 2 filled out by family members, and (3) give you a registration form for your Pre Cana class.

Once you have done all of those forms, taken the class, and had your baptismal certificates sent to your local parish, you will be able to get permission to marry from that church.  If the priests there are difficult about this, just go up the road to the next church, and the next church, and the next church, until you find a cooperative priest.  We were not parishioners, and had absolutely zero problems, and are being married in a different parish (though locally).

Once all of the paperwork is complete, your local priest will be able to send everything to the parish where you will be married.  Take the whole process for what it really is – beaurocracy.  They do not want to restrict people getting married in the Church, or overly scrutinize.  There are a few people who do that, but not most.  For the most part, it is just about getting the right forms filled out.  Cross your I’s, Dot your T’s, and you’ll be good to go.

Post # 6
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@searock: “If he’s not practicing, not sure why he’s so eager to get married in the church.”

And it’s also none of your business; that’s between him and God.  Sounds like a number of your friends are priests, and you talk about whom they would be willing to marry all the time.  Quite a unique social life you have.

 

Post # 7
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

@searock:  “not sure why he’s so eager to get married in the church.” Because otherwise, his marriage will not be recognised by the church, nor will his children be legitimate in their eyes.

@Duncan:  is right. You belong to your local parish and should really get married within the parish. If you want to get married outside the parish, you will require a dispensation from canonical form. It depends on your local priests as to how much of a problem this may prove, but the first issue is always to contact your local church and local parish.

Source: non-Catholic Christian married to a Catholic.

Post # 8
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Don’t be daunted by the big (entirely correct) words @Rachel631: uses.  Think of them like Tax forms – they have daunting and officious sounding names, but it’s all just paperwork.  Really.  As long as you find a priest who understands your reasoning, which is that you want the wedding in your home town, near your family, you won’t have an issue.  Follow all the steps, and it will all work out.

Post # 9
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Rachel631:  Not really.  The marriage will be illicit but valid.  The children will be legitimate (not that really matters anymore).

However, if he’s not practicing he’s not in the faith, so that begs the question why he needs validation from a faith he dosn’t practice.

Post # 10
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Duncan:  I do have several friends who are priests across many different dioceses.  Albeit I am in the northeast so we are a bit more rule oriented.  I could easily name about a dozen who I have a good friendship with as well as a half dozen seminairans.

And I have Catholic friends who were denied.  

Saying that a non-catholic and an non-practicing-Catholic should have a Catholic wedding becuase no one knows thier relationship with God is silly.  The Catholic religion has set up pretty clear guidelines that are not too difficult to follow if you want to get married in the church.

To me, it’s like saying that you are a vegeterian but want to go to a steakhouse for your reception.  if you don’t participate in the eating of meat, why do you want to go to a place where they eat meat?

Post # 11
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

@searock:  “illicit but valid” Nope.

http://www.catholiceducation.org/articles/religion/re0043.html

Summary quotation: 

“However, if a Catholic enters marriage outside of the Catholic Church without the necessary dispensation, then the marriage is considered invalid and is not recognized by the Church. Moreover, this action places the person in a state of mortal sin. For instance, if a Catholic marrying either another Catholic or anyone else just decides to be married in some other Church or by a Justice of the Peace, that marriage is invalid. While such a marriage may have legal standing in the eyes of the state, it has no legitimate standing in the eyes of the Church.

Just as an aside: If a person who was baptized as a Catholic has formally renounced his Catholic faith by joining another Church or by some other public declaration, he would not be bound by these rules since he technically is no longer a Catholic. In all, a sincere, practicing Catholic ought to want to be married in the Catholic Church or ought to obtain the proper permission to be married outside of it.”

You also remain a Catholic even if you are not practising, unless you recant. You can recant, if you so wish, by sending a formal letter to your local Bishop and asking to be removed from their records. Unless you have done so, you are still technically bound by the rules…

Post # 12
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@searock:  Actuallly, the Church does not have guidelines about going to mass. It has guidelines about being baptised and confirmed.  And, it may be the PRIEST’s business to ask why the couple wants to marry in the Church, but it definitely isn’t yours.

Go cast stones elsewhere.

Post # 13
Member
2537 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@NurseNess17:  

Step 1: Find the Church you want to be married in and call them to see what they suggest.

Step 2: Call the nearest Catholic Church that you live closest to and ask them if you can undergo marriage preparation to be married at another Church.

Step 3: Ask your Fiance to register at that local Catholic Church as a parishioner.

Step 4: Make sure you keep good records.

I’ve known several people that have been married in a Catholic ceremony across state lines, even a person who was married here in the States even though she and her Fiance were living in Peru.  You just need to explain your situation very nicely to each of the parishes.  Tell them it’s important to you and to your Fiance that you have a Sacramental Catholic marriage.

Post # 14
Member
2537 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

FYI people: While the RCC strongly prefers that you are an active member of the Church, most priests and others are willing to help you in any way possible even if you’re not currently practicing.  If you’re nice and considerate, explain your situation and your desire to them, generally they’re happy to help.  Each Diocese has it’s own marriage preparation requirements.  It’s important that the OP research the Diocese she’s being married in and find out what all that entails.  Normally it’s 6 months of marriage preparation with 1 Marriage retreat/pre-cana retreat.  Sometimes they also require NFP training but most do not.

Post # 15
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Duncan:  Umm….what do you think “catholic in good standing” means.  It means reciving the sacraments and attending Mass

Post # 16
Member
2537 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@searock:  You really should reconsider how you view non-practicing Catholics.  They are just as welcome in the Church.  While they may not have a nuptial Mass ceremony, they are just as much a part of the Church as you or me or the priest.  Once you’re a Baptized and Confirmed Catholic, you’re always a Baptized and Confirmed Catholic in the eyes of the Church.  You should really consider a more charitable attitude, especially since as other’s pointed out, it’s between the OP’s Fiance, the parish they want to be married in and God’s business.  Not yours.

It’s important to realize that one of the major steps for lapsed Catholics is to feel welcome.  Judgement doesn’t help, and can hinder their rejoining the Church.

 

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