(Closed) Local Wedding and gifts OR Destination Wedding and no gifts?

posted 5 years ago in Destination Weddings
  • poll: Would you rather have a local wedding and get monetary gifts, or a destination wedding and not?
    Have a local wedding, even though it's expensive, b/c I know we'll get more monetary gifts : (8 votes)
    18 %
    Have a destination wedding b/c even though we'll get less monetary gifts, the wedding will cost less : (27 votes)
    60 %
    Other: Please comment : (10 votes)
    22 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4466 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Well I’ll just leave a comment and tell you what I would do if I was attending a DR and spending a lot to attend: bring a card. 

    ETA: It would mean a lot to your fiance to have the wedding in Punta Cana because his family is from there. I think you should ruminate over that for a bit. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    9558 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2018

    I would choose the wedding that will mean more to you, and ignore the gifts aspect. If you want a destination wedding because your fiance’s family is from there and it would be cheaper do that. If you want to go for a local wedding because more people will be able to attend do that. Gifts shouldn’t come into the equation IMO.

    Post # 5
    Member
    9057 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I think you should have whatever wedding makes you and your fiance happy, regardless of what you expect to receive.

    That said, we had a traditional at home wedding and DH’s sister had a destination wedding in Maui.  From what I hear, his dad’s 11 siblings all gave her the same gift they gave us even though they didn’t make it to the wedding.  We attended and gave them a gift that was 1/3 the size of what they gave us, because it already cost us $5000 just to attend, and we gave them sizeable thank you gifts for being in our wedding, while they didn’t have a wedding party.

    Just wanted to give you fair warning though, that you may get a little heat for this post…

    Post # 8
    Member
    672 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I would just way your pros and cons and go with the wedding that is right for you two and your budget.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2295 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I would go with whichever is more meaningful to you, assuming both are in your budget without factoring in any gifts. You just can’t predict what your gifts will be, and this is one of the spots in life where extremely low expectations/hopes will be better in the long run. I mean, what if you have a local wedding and gifts are low? Would you be annoyed? Might be better to do the DW just to keep expectations low.

    That said, it strikes me as super awkward to have the wedding in DR because he is from there but then most of his family can’t come anyway. Can they not come because it would still be too expensive to travel/resort is too pricey? I know many locals in resort areas could NEVER afford to go to one.

    That almost seems in bad taste to me. I know you don’t mean it this way, but if that is the reason, it’s like the (comparatively) rich Americans coming and using their country for the resort but basically leaving out the reason it is meaningful – family. Just a thought.

    Post # 10
    Member
    6125 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think the first thing is to figure out what your 3-5 TOP PRIORITIES are.  These are things that you both can agree on (for us we chose excellent mountain scenery, intimate and special to us). Then when you get lost or confused on what to do, revert to the priorities.

    Personally I ignored the gift aspect of it all.  It was not even a factor.

    So if you’re going to invite everyone under the sun to the wedding, then how will you plan for the proper wedding venue?

    They say you need to plan for 100% attendance.  There have been DW where everyone invited shows up.  

    For example, if you plan to send invitations to 200 and you book/pay for a venue that only fits 75 (just as an example) because that’s how mnay you think will show up at most – then you have a potential mess on your hands.  I am not sure how you pre-guess the # of guests that will show up so you can get the right sized venue.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3358 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    why are you caring so much about gifts? I thought your wedding is supposed to be about you and your FH and the family you want to surround you and share in your day .. not the amount of monetary gifts you’re expecting to get either or?

    I’ve seen a few threads around here where the brides were more concerned about the amount of gifts they were going to receive, and a lot of them didn’t get as many as they thought they were.

    Better think about what you want, rather than what you can get.

    Post # 12
    Member
    651 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I don’t know what kind of destination wedding you’re planning to have but my destination wedding was A LOT more expensive per head compared to a nice wedding in a hotel in my city so if it’s money, you’re thinking of saving, make sure you plan properly:D A nice wedding in a reasonable 5-star hotel (lets say the Renaissance and NOT Ritz Carlton) ballroom in my city is about $75 per head for food and drinks. My destination wedding was $300 for food and drinks. Also don’t forget that destination vendors tend to charge a premium and if you live in a big city, there’s a lot of competition so you can always find other options.

    Anyway, when it comes to presents, I did receive some for my destination wedding but not a whole lot (less than a normal wedding). We did tell our guests not to give us anything as everyone had to fly over (semi-destination. Some could fly with budget airlines for like $15 return and some had to fly from another continent- about $1000).

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    966 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    Wow! My fiance and I are having basically the same problem right now! So… I wouldn’t think you’re shallow. It costs a lot to throw a reception, and when you’re paying that much for each person to come, it can add up.

    That, and we don’t want to “exclude” people or basically require having them spend a lot of money out of obligation just to come. It’d be nice for it to be here with everyone, but overlooking the ocean and palm trees in Hawaii or St. Lucia or Aruba would also be awesome. Unfortunately, the fiance wouldn’t feel comfortable in the Dominican Republic or Mexico for safety reasons, despite them being gorgeous and the cheapest of any of the tropical options. Sigh. Oh well.

    As someone else mentioned, the gifts can offset the cost of the wedding. So if you spend more to stay here, the gifts may or may not make up for the cost. No idea what your budget is or what you think you’d get as gifts/how well off your family/friends are…

    I’m not good for input because we’re having the exact same problem. haha. Oh, with the addition of feeling guilty because people who might want to come wouldn’t be able to. Plus it’d be nice to have all my family/friends be there. It’s less important for my fiance that we have people there, so he seems to be leaning toward the destination wedding.

    I also noticed, if you go with wedding packages at hotels (what we’re looking at), the photos suck and you don’t get many. We get to pick a good photographer here, and get a good amount of photos. You could always hire a local person though… it’s just an additional cost. 

    Destination costs for dinners and stuff, from what I’ve found, is a lot more expensive than what I’ve been looking at (Eastern shore Maryland area) 

    You could always have a wedding shower type thing, where, from what I understand, people pick gifts from off your registry. So maybe you can hold something like that. OR, you can have a reception when you get home for all the people who couldn’t come. Just a cocktail reception, or a luncheon maybe. Or if it’s a small amount of people, you could do it at a restaurant with a fixed menu and keep the price down. That way they wouldn’t feel excluded, and they’d bring gifts! I don’t know. These are just ideas. o_O

    Post # 14
    Member
    5246 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I’m having a destination wedding next year and the thought of receiving gifts or not was not in my planning…. this was not even an aspect. Gifts have to be the least important aspect of a wedding and the wedding should be about a union of two people not the gifts. If you have a home wedding people basically come to the wedding and pay for there plate of food for the reception so this isnt even really a gift..but some people dont even do this.

    I think you should be focusing on other aspects of the wedding more than what gifts you will or will not be receiving….

    Post # 15
    Member
    3093 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Having a destination wedding in Punta Cana will be a huge gift…way more awesome than pots and pans!

    The topic ‘Local Wedding and gifts OR Destination Wedding and no gifts?’ is closed to new replies.

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