- 3 years ago
- Wedding: October 2015
Hi all, very excited to be engaged for two weeks now 🙂 Of course the first thing we need to decide on is a date… but before that, we need to decide on location, and it’s one I’m dreading.
Backstory: I grew up in a Milwaukee suburb, he grew up in Madison – and our parents both still live in the houses we grew up in. We went to school in, and met in, Minnesota, and now live in Madison together. We have been here for two years now, absolutely love it, and will stick around for the forseeable future. For those unfamiliar with the area, Madison and Milwaukee are approximately 80-90 miles apart.
Long story short, my parents (read:mom) want us to get married in Milwaukee. We have a decent number of family/friends on my side who my mom is worried will not want to/not be able to pay to lodge their families at a hotel, pay for food, etc for the weekend. She says they will also not want to drive back home (hour-hour 15 min drive at most) that night. That veeery preliminary number is around 70 people (30something families).
Of course, there are people on his side (and very few mutual friends) that would need to travel from Madison to Milwaukee… that prelim number is around 30. For reference, I predict we will end up inviting 250ish but likely keep numbers below 200. People coming from out of state who need to fly in will be able to do so equally easily to either city. FI’s side will probably have a significantly smaller amount of guests no matter what.
Dilemma: FI and I do not really want to get married in Milwaukee. I never spent a lot of time downtown growing up, we haven’t spent a ton of time there as a couple, and there is nothing in my hometown (apart from family/friends) that holds enough sentimental value for me. There are a few places I could see us making work but when I pictured us getting married, it was always in Madison. It’s so much more “us” than Milwaukee (and burbs) ever was or will be, and the thought of compromising that really saddens me. I just don’t want to regret not geting married in the place we’ve always dreamed of since we’ve been dating…. but I also, of course, want to be mindful of guests.
I should also add I’m an only child, and my mom is one of the overbearing variety. I suspect she sees an ulterior motive of a Milwaukee wedding as me being closer to home, and her being able to plan the entire thing for me. Which is not something I’m interested in, while I do value her input and suggestions. Just add this wedding to a constantly-growing number of things in my life I feel like I have to fight to have control over. I should also also add… my parents are probably going to be footing most of the bill… but money, thankfully, is something they’ve never really used as a bargaining chip (and a privelege I’ve never really abused, though at the same time, have never really refused if offered).
I don’t know, I’m just really torn. Are we selfish for wanting to have it in Madison and make people drive and get a hotel room, etc? I know our day isn’t about pleasing everyone else, but I feel like this day is as much about everyone we love being there to help us celebrate as it is us getting married – otherwise why bother and not just elope, right? (And teenage me has a hard time doing something just because my mom wants me to.) Help?