Post # 1
My FI and I are just starting to hash out a wedding plan. Exciting! But we’ve already hit a road block. It would be nice to have it at his Dad’s church, because the venue would be free but I wanted to have the reception off site so that people can drink if they want to.
His guest list will be about 100, mine will be about 20 (I have a small immediate family and no close extended). His is fam is very religous and booze free. I can respect that but….
My FI said that some of his family won’t even come if people are drinking. huh? So he wants to do 2 receptions…one with food right after then a later one with drinks at another venue where his friends that have a rap group want to perform. Well…….I don’t think my guest list is going to stick through a wedding, a reception to go to another reception with a rap group. Everyone will split. His friends really enjoy rap (his friends drink and so does he) but my friends and family that drink are not going to stick around for that. So the second reception would be just his friends and maybe 3 of mine.
How do we appease the non-drinkers and the drinkers if the non won’t cohabitate?
I’m going to have a glass of wine now. 😉
Post # 3
Who in his family is so full of themselves that they can’t even be in the room when someone else has a glass of wine? If it’s his parents, you might just have to go dry, have a short reception, and do a wicked afterparty. If it’s his great uncle, have the reception somewhere else, don’t specificially mention that there will be drinking, and let them look like a-holes when they get up and leave as soon as someone orders a beer.
Post # 4
If you want to serve alcohol and your reception and they won’t come because there’s alcohol PRESENT, that’s their problem.
We didn’t see two of my mom’s brothers for over a decade – maybe two – when we were growing up because they thought we were big-time sinners for having beer at our family functions. We were like whatever, your loss.
You and your FI should not change who you are to accommodate teetotaler guests. And you need to respect that they might not come because they, also, shouldn’t have to change to accommodate your wedding plans.
Sometimes stuff just ain’t compatible. I wouldn’t throw two receptions because of it.
Post # 5
@Ladylynx: Personally, I think it’s pretty silly that people won’t even stay for dinner if there’s alcohol! However, what if you didn’t serve wine with dinner and only opened the bar after cake was served? Then people who simply couldn’t be around alcohol could jet and everyone else can stay and have fun?
Post # 6
@Ladylynx: We had an affordable luncheon (we had Mimosas, but you could do it booze free)
Then that night we went out dancing and drinking and carousing. So if I were you, I would have a KICKIN’ afterparty that night just for the people who want to party with you!
Post # 7
@MexiPino: I was thinking of this too.
It would allow everyone to be there for a while and then those who don’t want to be around alcohol can leave if they wish and those who want to drink are free to do so.
Since you don’t have too many people on your side, I’d just spread the word around that the bar will be open after dinner.
Post # 8
@Ladylynx: I think its silly to accommidate guests who are morally oppossed to drinking. If they don’t like liquor, they don’t have to drink it. Its your wedding and your rules. The non-drinking guests can suck it up. Its not like you are forcing demon liquor down their throats.
I must say, I’m with you. I know, as your guest, I would be unlikely to stay all evening at a dry reception and then go drink afterwards at an afterparty with a rap group. Thats a lot of partying.
I would suggest not mentioning the fact that their will be liquor served to family members who might object, and not sitting them at tables with people who are likely to drink. Otherwise do what you want. Its your wedding, and you should be able to serve what you want.
Post # 9
@lawyerchick13: LOL forcing demon liquor
Post # 10
@lawyerchick13: I love your suggestions, and were it my family I would tell them to suck it up and just don’t look at the pretty pretty glasses filled with delish drinks. The issue is that it is FIs dad (a pastor) his mom, and the majority of his relatives that are very strict Christian/Menonites that don’t touch drinks.
So it’s expected of the entire family to NOT serve drinks. FI is very respectful of them and it was how he was raised so he doesn’t see it as a little odd. I don’t think my FI will budge on beverages and risk offending them-but not going against the grain for him means my guests leaving early.
@daybyday: Yeah I’m much more tough love myself, love me or leave me, but my FI is very sensitive to what his family has traditionally done. If it was just one or two people I think we could figure it out, but we are talking the majority of his family! I’m outweighed.
@almostmrsj: I think an after party will be manditory!!!
Post # 11
@Ladylynx: hey if I were in your shoes I would likely just have one booze free reception then have a giant house party at your place maybe the next day or following weekend!
Post # 12
I like the whole “open the bar after cake idea” @lia: suggested. I would also be unlikely to go to a reception and THEN an after party. How about you separate the two sides? One drinking and one non-drinking? Then serve alcohol and have the bar only on one side of that room?
Post # 13
As a guest I wouldn’t be thrilled about having to go to three different venues, it just seems like too much. As much as I love to have a few drinks and dance, I’d probably end up skipping the after party in that situation.
I was thinking something similar to @MexiPino: . Have one venue, but just don’t serve alcohol until after the meal and cake. Then his family can enjoy a lovely dry reception, and head out once the dancing and drinks begin. Would his family be okay with that? Perhaps you could find a venue where you have two rooms, or a sectioned off room so the tables and meals are in a separate area than the dance floor. Maybe that visable division of the events would ease his family.
Post # 14
@Kit_Kath: I’m sorry I didn’t clarify very well. FI wants the ceremony and reception at the church which doesn’t allow alcohol anyway- THEN 2nd reception off site just for those that want to drink. Sounds too complicated to me. I’d rather just have the whole thing at one venue instead that DID allow drinking but then his family will object :/
Post # 15
Second all the PPs saying to open the bar after cake. I understand wanting to be respectful, especially when it’s the majority of his family, but I also think people shouldn’t be pushing their morals on your wedding since both you and your FI drink. For example, I’m vegan, but of course I go to weddings, events, restaurants, etc. where people eat meat. However, my own wedding will be vegan because that reflects my and FI’s beliefs.
Post # 16
@Ladylynx: Based on your clarification, I would do a church wedding (seems to be really important to the family) and the reception at a nearby venue.