- 4 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
Hmmm where to turn to? The Hive.
So these events that have recently transpired is turning into our first major “family issue”, and maybe I am just too clumsy emotionally to build a plan on my own so here goes…
My brother and sister-in-law have graciously offered to host our wedding shower this weekend. We honestly didn’t want any parties, the less stress I can get away with the better. But I’m really grateful for their generosity. All they asked for was a weekend to help them finish up their deck they’ve been building; they had just started working on it when they offered to throw this shower. In my family, we support each other with things like this: you need help, I’m there – and vice versa. Same way with FI’s family.
Over the past month, my brother has asked my FI a couple of times to come over for a day or so to help with this deck. We live an hour away (with his parents, which knowing this will come in handy for those who make it to the next part of this pathetivc story). Quite honestly, my brother just needs a guy to hang with and do manly shit with. FI is in school and works weekends, but always promised brother that yes – they’ll make a day of relishing in their bromance.
Well it never happened. After talking to my brother yesterday, certain past occurences all make sense now. I could hear his hurt feelings when I talked to him: “Does Mr. ShabbyChicBee not want to come hang out? I’ve invited him several times.” At first, I’m all like “I know brother, he’s been busy with work and school; let me see what his schedule is.”
But now looking back at all the times my brother has called or texted FI, FI has been fishing, or hanging out with my other soon-to-be BIL (FSIL’s husband), helping him do stuff around their house, or going places and doing things. Now previously, I stated that we live in FIL’s guest house and honestly, it has worked out pretty decent. We are all really respectful of each other’s privacy and all that jazz, I get along with FMIL just fine, she’s a little snooty, but always nice to me. I’m so terribly socially awkward; I prefer to be alone in my little guest house with our doggies and FI prefers to be around his family 24/7. FI has voiced his concerns that I need to make more of an effort to spend time with his family, so I have – like really have. I go along with all their hangouts – at least every week. And since we live in the guest house, I see them everyday.
It hurts my feeling for both me and my family that FI is no longer making an effort to just be close to my family. They love him dearly; my brother reaches out to him all the time to just text hello, and FI doesn’t even respond. I’ve had issues with my FSIL in the past; she is terribly snobby and judgmental, and half of the stuff that comes out of her mouth I really just want to say “Are you even fucking human?” Just MEAN – and I’m not alone: FI warned me about his mom and sister being a little snobby, so right away I’m a little on guard but always sweet and friendly. BUT – FI has told me to just suck it up because it’s not worth the tensions and that I need to learn to get along with her. And believe me, stuff she’s said is just downright nasty.
It really hurts that I’ve done absolutely everything in my power to get along with his sister and just be more social with his family, and it’s like my family is just left in the dust. Talking about it to him just hasn’t worked – yet. His response to “Hey FI, brother tried calling you about this weekend, what’s going on? I think it kind of hurt his feelings that you’ve blown him off on just hanging out” always results in “Oh, I just didn’t hear anything back from him”, just really nonchalant. And selfish in my opinion.
Seriously, how can I approach him about this situation to get somewhat of a half-ass answer from him? Because now I have my mom, brother and SIL really hurt and expecting me to do something about it…and FI is a miffed that I would even “make an issue about it.” An issue? It was a question. I’m internally boiling at work right now because I’m just thinking about my family and honestly just missing them and FI just doesn’t get that his family isn’t our only family – and making an effort all around goes for him too, because I certainly don’t want to deal with this much longer, let alone for life.