LONG but worth the read, etiquette bees unite! HELP!

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
Member
6505 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think it was rude of her to bring it up but I also think it’s rude that it’s four months after the fact and they haven’t been sent out. I think your situation (with your step mom- sorry to hear about that) gives you a bit of leeway but in general I think 4 months is too long. Using a picture thank you card is not an excuse for late thank you notes.

Post # 5
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@BellaDee:  Etiquette 101: it is *worse* manners to *call someone out* on their “bad” manners.

She was WAY in the wrong.

I’m very curious about the kinds of people who give a gift and then count the months so that they can start getting angry about not getting their card yet.

I’ve *yet* to recieve a thank you card from a good friend who’s wedding I attended MONTHS ago…and we just hung out with them the other night. Same for a baby shower gift; saw that gal recently too…Think I brought it up? Think it even crossed my mind? Of course not.

 

Post # 6
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Sorry, but I personally think 4 months is kind of a long time to wait… It doesn’t sound like you’ve got them ready to go out now, so realistically they’ll be recieving 5+ months after the wedding. Based on your post it sounds like you have a lot going on, but I think that you could have probably found a way to get them out sooner.

 

I know that I’m young (mid-twenties) and I definately notice when I don’t get a thank you timely.  I’m not so ballsy to call someone out directly, but I’d def. make note.

 

ETA: Just saw your update about having them almost ready to go, and that they’d mail by Halloween, so I changed +6 months in my first paragrpah to +5

 

 

Post # 7
Member
802 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest

It was kind of rude how she approached it, I can understand them wondering (I’m wondering about the cards for 4 events I attended this summer) – they are important, but I think you have a very good reason why you haven’t sent them yet! 

 

Post # 8
Member
42469 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@BellaDee:  Her behavior was inappropriate and it was rude for her both to talk about you at work, and within your hearing, and to confront you about the thank-you cards.

Having said that, the delay in obtaining then sending photo thank you cards was a good reason for me to not use them. Most of these pics will end up in the garbage anyhow. I think a better choice would have been to send out thank you cards as soon as possible after the wedding, then send a photo Christmas card.

I think waiting a year to send photo thank you cards as you mentioned in your example, is totally unacceptable.

Not sending thank you cards is just one example of the deteriorating standards of good manners.

 

Post # 9
Hostess
9903 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

you’re probably a little late on the Thank You cards to be honest, I do notice when 3 months has passed and I haven’t seen one BUT I would NEVER EVER call someone out on it unless I was concerned that somehow they didn’t get my gift in which case I would find a way to politely ask (in one instance, I posted a picture of the card I made my friend on my business facebook page and tagged her in it – she commented how much they loved the card and it was on the mantle – I had been worried as it had cash in it)

She shouldn’t have called you out, especially knowing what you were going through.  She was most definitely rude.

Post # 10
Member
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

If I thought you were being rude, then I’d say your boss was being far more ill-mannered.

I personally wanted to get my TY’s out ASAP, so we handwrote personalized messages in generic boxed cards instead of cool photo cards.  But I get why you’re doing it, and IMO you’re not being rude as long as you get them out on the timeline you stated.

Post # 12
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@BellaDee:  I think it was rude of her to put you on the spot like that, but I find it rude to not receive a thank you card within 1-3 months.  I don’t think wanting a photo thank you is a good excuse for them being late.  We had cute personalized thank yous that matched our invitation suite that we ordered in advance, so there are alternatives to “boring” thank yous.  

Even if you wanted to do the photo thank yous, I’d make sure certain people (aka colleagues) got timely thank yous, even if they weren’t a picture of you.  People care way less about having a picture of you they’ll just throw in the trash then they do having a plain thank you note.  

My advice is to get your colleagues a thank you note asap.

Post # 13
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@BellaDee:  I am torn on whether it was rude or not for her to call you out, mainly because you stated she is someone you are very close to. It sounds like she is looking out for you and wanted to let you know that people are asking about them. I get that you have had a lot going on with your step mother passing and what not, but you seem to have time to post on the bee every day and to post picture recaps of your wedding several months ago. I would try to make this a priority if I were you and just set some time aside to get it done.

Post # 14
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yeah, your boss was way rude to even approach you on it, especially the way she brought it up AND that she was talking about it behind your back like that. I honestly think she knew you could ehar her from the beginning.

I am kind of biased because I got my thank you’s out within the month, but I didn’t use photo cards. I know it takes longer if there are photocards. But I am also someone that doesn’t care if I get a thank you or not.

Post # 15
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Most people do special/photo cards, but most people would have them out by now.  She was rude, but your thank yous should be out by now. 

Post # 16
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@BellaDee:  While it is very rude for her to bring it up, you should have had your thank you cards sent. 

As my mother said “i dont care about getting a picture from your wedding. I just want to make sure you received the gift and appreciated it!”. I think older people are bothered by this alot more. 

Case in point, my cards will be out by the 2 month mark. 

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