- 9 years ago
Hi Hive, for the first time in our relationship, Fiance and I considered long distance and I’m trying to be open but I’m not sure I am considering eversthing. I know there are several of you who are currently or have been long distance and hope you can give me so me advice. It is still very early but I want to gather information from experiences because once he tells his boss he will go, there’s no going back. Here’s the situation.
I am American, Fiance is German, I moved to Germany with him and we’ve been living together for almost 3 years (engaged for 2). I am now doing my PhD at a local university and can not move until it is finished (2-3 years) but we had planned to return to the US shortly after I finish. Yesterday, he found out about an open position which would be a huge opprutunity for him careerwise but involves moving to Helsinki. I like Finland, particuarly Helsinki a lot but I can’t move with him. Basically, he would move about 6 months before the wedding, we would get married honeymoon and then return to different countries. Yes, he would be able to come home but flights are few and expensive so I feel like in reality, I’d see him one weekend per month and on vacation (as a bonus, Finland has 5 weeks of vacation). While I think it would be good for us to spend a short time apart, I’m just not sure that spending the first year of our marriage apart is a good idea. Also, this would be an open ended situation, I could potentiall move there after I finish or he could move back but he may not be able to get the same company to transfer him to the US until he spends another year or so at HQ. Am I crazy for even considering this? He actually told me, he expected a flat no from me but I don’t want to cause him to miss a career opprutunity.
Any input, especially if you’ve been in a similar situation, is totally appriciated. Thanks.