Post # 1
I am terrified 🙁
I’m just about to finish my first degree at University, I’ve done really well, however to get a job (in research anyway) I pretty much need a Phd. And there’s nowhere near us that does research in the area I’m interested in..
So as of next year I’m going to have to move, maybe 6-8 hours away from my fi, for 4 years. My fi already has a job which he loves and there’s no way I’d force him into quitting just to come with me, but he seems really scared, which in turn scares me. We’ve been together for 4 years, moved in together 2 years ago and I just can’t imagine going from seeing him almost every day, to every now and again. I feel like I’m ruining his happiness, and it’ll be my fault if anything happens to us. We’ve been through a heck of a lot in the past 4 years and had all sorts thrown at us but I just hope we can face this aswell.
There’s just no way I’d get a job without the Phd. In the long run it’d provide us with more stability, but I’m terrified incase he can’t wait 4 more years to start our life together (he finished university when we met and has now established his career).
Anyone else been long distance after living together? How did you cope? “/
Post # 3
I’ve been in the situation where we’ve gone from long distance for 8 months, 3 years of living together, then being long distance once again. It’s been 10 months that we’ve been long distance again now.
To be honest, I had the same fears. What if something happened because we’re not close enough now to resolve it?
But, truthfully, it’s made us stronger as a couple. Being away for each other at weeks at a time makes seeing each other so special. I feel like we cherish each other so much now, and it’s brought us together in ways I couldn’t imagine.
We skype and do phone calls. Our schedules clash a bit, as he is in bed at 7pm for work early in the morning. But being able to communicate through text and facebook also helps us maintain communication.
Good luck. I’m sure it’ll all work out fine.
Post # 4
@Elliebee13: Oh god. I’m sorry, my heart goes out to you because if you’re strong, you’ll make it but it will suck. SO SO SO SO SO MUCH.
FI and I were originally LDR. For about 2 years we lived 4 hours from each other and saw each other once a week. It stunk but we didn’t know much better. Then we lived together for 5 years. It was wonderful. Day in, day out, we couldn’t get enough of each other.
Then we decided to move down south. I moved to NC, he moved to VA, both of us staying with family. The agreement was whoever got a job first, that’s where we’d live and we’d get our lives back on track immediately. We ended up living apart for a little over a year and as the year went on, I got more and more depressed, wondering if we’d ever return to “normal” (we did).
It sucks and hurts SO much. If it is when you start out, you don’t know much better, but after having it all and giving it up, it’s like you rip a piece of yourself out and leave it with someone else. You don’t feel whole without them anymore.
So yeah, not sugar coating things. Just know that 90% of your issues will be caused by distance and once you’re together full time again, it’ll get better (mostly) and make you stronger. But if you struggle in the interim, feel free to reach out. We’re here. I’m here and happy to help.
Post # 5
Oh that sucks.
I had to move abroad for a year due to education after I’d lived with my then-BF now-FI for a year, and it was tough, tough, tough.
What made it tougher was that we could only afford to visit each other twice in that period, but the somewhat-limited time period made us capable of dealing with it.
I’m not going to lie – 4 years is a LONG time to be long distance after having lived together, but if you make sure to make time for eachother I am certain that it is duable. I’d suggest that you already now hatch out how frequently you will go visit each other, and agree that all vacations etc. are spent nurturing your relationship.
What helped my FI and I was also that we spent an unreasonable amount of time on Skype just hanging out. I’m sure we came across as pretty anti-social during that time as ‘no I’m not going out tonight, I’m watching a movie long-distance with my BF/GF’ was a rather frequent thing, but sod it, we needed the time together.
I think the key part to making it in these circumstances is to keep prioritising your relationship at the same level as you have been, and reminding yourself and others that just because you are not living together right now does not mean you have a somewhat casual LDR.
It takes work, and it is brutal, but it can be done. Go fulfill your dreams!
Post # 6
@Elliebee13: My FI moved to take a job while I finished up grad school. We had been together 5 years, lived together for 3. It was only 1.5 hrs away, but it did still suck to go from seeing him all the time to only weekends. Plus, I had to get a roommate to help with expenses, so that was stressful having to go back to that lifestyle.
It sucks, but you’ll get through it. Skype a lot. It’s much better than phone calls.
Post # 7
I’m going through this now! My boyfriend and I have lived together for two years, and he got a job offer in a different state.
I’m not going to lie, it’s really hard. Because we both have jobs, we can’t just fly to see each other every weekened or even every other weekend. I got to see him for the first time about 6 weeks after he moved.
The best thing I can tell you is that Skype/FaceTime will become your lifeline. You will find a new routine and a new normal after a bit, but it’s never the same. If he wants to be with you, you won’t have to force him to quit his job. I put my resignation in this week and I’m moving to West Virginia in a month. You do these things to be with the one you love.
Post # 7
Just wondering how are things with your LDR?
We’ve lived together for 3 years and now I moved to the UK to study for 4 years. I’m really trying but life is so sad like this…
I want to pursue my dream and finish my degree. But do I really want to live in sadness for 4 years?
Post # 8
Exie : hi Exie, I’m about to get in this situation and would like to know how you guys are doing now? Any tips you would like to share? Feeling really terrified. Thanks.
Post # 9
Scary situation there. Maybe you will be one of the few lucky ones who can make that work but to be honest I don’t see your relationship lasting. If I read you correctly you are stating you’ll live in different locations for 4 years? Maybe you can get together on weekends and such and during times you are out of school but do you say four years you’ll basically be apart most of the time? If I’m reading you correctly than WOW!
Good luck, it may work for a while but I’d bet there is a 75% chance your relationship will fail.
MAN! I’m hating these threads so far. I assumed this was current. This thread is four years old! If I’d known that I wouldn’t have even bothered. Man, old threads sure hang around at the top of the boards.
Post # 10
derville : Yeah I know what you mean. Sometimes I’ll write out a reply and then delete the whole thing after I realize that someone recently commented on a very old thread.
I think it’s best to make a new thread if someone has a similar situation. If not, it’s probably better to shoot the original poster a private message in case they’re still active on the site or still get notifications.