Post # 1
I am really struggling lately 🙁 My FI is across the country and working around the clock at a very intensive, 5-week "boot camp" for his job. We talk 2 or 3 times a day, but its only for 5 minutes max each time. We basically say: "Hi, how are you today? Oh, I did this today, and now I’m going to do this. How about you? That sounds ___. Okay, I love you, bye." It’s really upsetting because, as I’m sure many of you can relate to, our relationship was built on long conversations and plenty of quality time snuggling and chatting. Now, it seems so … surface, and mundane. I’m having more personal conversations with the lady who sells me my McDonalds! But there’s not much we can do – he is so busy right now, he barely sleeps. This will go on for another 4 weeks.
I know a lot of long distance couples watch movies together, have a two-person "book club", send each other love letters, etc. and I am looking forward to doing things like that in the future when he has more free time. But how do you manage long distance when one or both of you is insanely busy? How can you connect on a deeper level in a 3 minute phone call?
Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks in advance, hive!
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
hmmm, this is tough, i’m sorry!…I just got back into an LDR after being together for a year but then apart for two years before that and it SUCKS to be apart from your fiance…what about texting? sometimes fi and i just text little quick things to each other like, "LYMY" or whatever just to let the other one kno we are thinking of them…also, snail mail is fun, maybe you could put together a care package to send him? Also, sometimes you just have to be patient and remind yourself that the situation isn’t permanent and you guys will be back together soon enough…I’m sorry you’re going thru this tho, i’ve got just under two months until mr scorpio is back and it cant come soon enough!
Post # 4
We use google chat with our macbooks to video conference. We do it first thing in the morning and last thing in the evening before bed. Somehow, having that set time to talk and having him be the first and last person I talk with every day is reassuring. We text and call each other when we can throughout the day, but waking up and going to be together are OUR time every day. And it seems to be that no matter how busy we both get, those two times of day we’re not doing more than having coffee or winding down for sleep. It makes having to deal with long distance slightly less sucky to be able to see each other like that.
Post # 5
Im sorry, the situation sucks, I know! I spent 4 years in a LDR….and like you calls were very often but not for a significant length of time. However you should embrace the fact you are talking to him though. look at it this way – its better your talking to him then not right? I know you want to connect with him, so if you are wanting to maximize the 5 min phone calls maybe have both of you think up some intimate, personal questions for you guys to ask.
"whats your happiest memorie"
"what are you afraid of the most"
"what do you think about this [insert here]"
I am sure you can figure something out to maximize your time. as for us;
Basically we tried to talk everyday, or at least try and get a call in when either of us is going to bed to say goodnight.
I did not want to do the whole texting thing because I felt that would ADD to the distance. its so impersonal and just not the route I wanted to take!
We would send one another emails when we could. those were great to randomly receive and email from the one you love!
We would try and schedule when we could with both our schedules a ‘date night’ where we would either chat on the phone, or have a web cam convo (which were great)
Post # 6
We sent a lot of emails. Even though he was really busy and I knew that there was a good chance he wouldn’t see the email right away or even for a couple hours, I knew he would see it eventually that day. So we’d write each other with what we were up to that day, how we felt, funny stories, inside jokes, mushy love quotes (those were mostly from me ^_^), and just random thoughts about how much we love each other. So even though it was kinda rough (we’re not AS LD right now, so it’s not too bad for the month of July. August is going to suck, though :P), I’d get a warm glow from reading his emails.
Post # 7
Thanks everyone! We do text but like Chantel said, it feels impersonal to me and makes me sad. Sometimes he can’t even text when he’s working — which is pretty much all the time! We video chat when we can, but lately he’s been too busy. He’s up at 5am, which is 4am my time, so I’m definitely asleep, and by the time he’s done with work and ready for bed at 1am, he just wants to sleep. It’s also hard because he has a roommate and his computer only works in the room, so we’re usually not alone for our video chats. It’s rough!!
I did send him a care package and might send him another soon, but they get expensive! I just sent him a card, candy, a lanyard from our university to use for his ID, and a sleep mask because he said there are bright lights outside — and all that including postage was well over $20! I’m a poor college student! Maybe just a card…
I emailed him last night with some random things I’d read online that, if we were together, we’d enjoy talking about. He hasn’t responded but I’m hoping when he gets a chance to read it, it will make him smile.
Thanks again, hive! I know it will be done in a month — well, not the LDR, but this crazy schedule!
Post # 8
This situation is tough but you can do it!
My FI and I had a LDR for about a year and we made it work by setting up a schedule (like some of the other posters have said). Whatever your Fi’s schedule might be, if he has 1/2 hr free each day then use that to talk on the phone — that might make you feel better (more quality than quantity!). My FI had a weird shift and the only times he could talk would be 4pm or 1-2am after he got home from work — so basically every day, at work I took a "coffee break" at 4pm to be able to talk to him. Sometimes I’d go to sleep at a normal time and just keep my phone next to me and would wake up to talk to him a little bit @ 2am! (I think this only works if you have an easy time falling back asleep like me!).
Post # 9
It’s tough. I know exactly how you feel. Been there…and really, there’s not much you can do except to just "buck up" and be supportive of your FI. His work is probably very tough as it is, and as much as he wants to be with you and set aside a chunk of time to speak with you, it probably isn’t a reality to him at this point. I think best to do is, IMHO, communicate to him how you feel, but also let him know that you understand the situation and that you are supportive of what he needs to get done. Also let him know that a quick, short text messages or emails would help you feel better (would it? They helped greatly with me…) That’s how I get (got) by on some days – knowing how busy my FI is (or was), I appreciated him sending me quick texts to cheer me up and to let me know that he does think about me in the midst of everything else that’s fighting for his cognitive attention. I’m so sorry that you need to go through with this, but hang in there. Stay strong and it’ll be over soon. I do think that these are the times that really allow us to appreciate the other even more. Learned lesson, and hopefully, it won’t be easily forgotten!
Post # 10
- Wedding: January 2010 - Mr. P's GrandparentsÃ¢Â€Â™ Ranch
I know exactly how you feel!!! I’m so sorry! Next week will be 6 months since I last saw my FI *crying* We talk every day and chat a lot, but there’s weeks where I’m crazy busy or he’s crazy busy or on assignment (he’s a firefighter) that’s when things get hard. We do try to keep at least once a week really deep conversation, so that way we don’t feel so disconnected.
I personally hate long distance, but I’ve learn to deal with it. At the of the day the most important thing is that I know that on the other side of the world there’s a man that loves me just as much as I love him 🙂
Post # 11
we have been long distance for the two years of our relationship; we stayed connected mainly by skype he would chat with me first thing I wake up and before I fall asleep, he lives in europe and works nights so we are up the same hours
lately my computer has a virus so now he calls me thru skype at 1 1/2 hours for 1 pound
we text each other every few days to let each other know we are in each other’s thoughts, impersonal perhaps but for me I feel happy knowing he thinks of me, when you are LDR every little contact helps, we see each other every 2 to 3 months lately its every 1 to 2 months and sees me 3 weeks at a time, harder now with the wedding closer
Post # 12
My love has been in Iraq since February 2nd (he’ll be home next month! I can’t tell you how great it feels to know that there is only 1 of the original 6 months left to wait!)… We’ve stayed away from email and have used phone calls and letters. (Yes, I’ve written him love letters and it’s really romantic-think of it as a way to strengthen areas of your communication that you wouldn’t have had the opportunity to stregthen otherwise). We literally have spent a phone call playing "I’m going camping and this is what I’ll bring"… does anyone remember that game from when they were like 12? It was great! Basically, we think of it as just another way that the world will try to test us and another way for us to show the world what we’ve got and how lasting our relationship is. Honestly, it is difficult, but how you get through it is a lesson in itself, right? 🙂 Good luck-make it interesting! :))))
Post # 13
My fiance is in Afghanistan serving his 3rd tour, so we are doing the LDR thing too. We chat when we can on AIM or Facebook or email and he asks me to go on cam a lot (he hardly ever gets the chance to use one at the MWR, there are like 3 for the whole place, I’ve only got to see him about 3 times since he left though…which is in March). He also calls when he can which I really love, though unless we are lucky and the MWR isn’t busy he only gets 30 minutes at a time to tallk. Sometimes he gets to call everyday for a few days in a row, those times I almost find myself thinking it’s like when he was here but was at Ft. Richardson in Alaska for a while and I was still in Florida.
The hardest part is when I don’t hear from him at all, he is an infantry soldier and goes out on missions a lot. Sometimes he trys to give me clues about when they are leaving and for how long but sometimes I nor him have any clue. Those are the worst days, and the nights are even harder…
We also write to each other, I love reading letters from him, sadly though it seems the mail works better getting to him from me than him sending it to me. He says he has wrote me a lot but only about 1/2 of the ones he has wrote have gotten to me so far. Lol I am hoping for a day when my mailbox is suddenly overflowing with all the missing letters. I write him letters and also I bought a whole pile of cards (usually funny "I miss you cards") and most days I will just grab one from the pile that I am liking best that day, write something in it and send it. It’s an easy way because they are already all there in your room. Of course I send him care packages too (usually one a week or so), and I try to bake something in each one.
Even though your fiance isn’t deployed I think a care package would be a fun way to let him know that you love him and are thinking of him and a way for you to send a little "home" to him while he is busy working.
Hope this helps! 🙂 And I hope it gets easier for y’all.
Post # 14
wow good to know I am not the only LDR bride; good luck to everyone
personally I feel we’ve weathered such difficulty that when I get married I will be doubly or quadruply happy