Long Distance + Facebook + Proposal Season = Sad Bee

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@SilvanArrow:  ..yuck

It sucks to be the only girl not dancing, doesn’t it?  I would put myself on a self imposed Facebook Embargo as much as possible, we didn’t have to put up with crap like that when I got engaged…so I can only imagine how much harder that makes things.

How about you treat yourself to something nice…maybe in a sparkly right hand ring, or a necklace…something that says, ” This Christmas, I proposed to myself and…I SAID YES!”  Its ok, and it doesn’t make you weird….because it gets you through this part.

New Year’s Eve is complicated, but also full of possibilities.  If he’s going to be gone, and that’s sad, I’m sorry….why not have a BIG GIRLY SLUMBER PARTY and ring in 2014 with nail painting, andhair braiding, and popcorn and peanut butter cups all night long?

 

Post # 5
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@Nona99:  +1000!

@SilvanArrow:  OP, I know that it’s hard and it doesn’t seem ‘fair’….but the proposals/weddings/baby annoucements were starting to wear me down and made me focus on WHAT I DIDN’T HAVE! Yell

I had to get off of the website altogether, I didn’t delete my account but I disabled it.  And I’ve not looked back!!  Maybe this will help you too!

I also wrote a post here about how you can handle not getting a proposal this holiday season.  As Nona said, you HAVE to do something nice for yourself.  I’ve bought myself a right hand ring, got a new hair cut/style/color, went shopping for some new clothes, and fingers crossed, I’m going to the spa and getting a new purse (right now I feel like saving money is over rated!!!!!!!).

If there’s no extra funds, maybe you can also consider doing something to give back to the community to volunteering at a food bank or working at an animal shelter.  These things will make you feel good about you and help you focus less on the proposal.

Hang in there!

Post # 6
Member
689 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Legare Waring House

@SilvanArrow:  

We were lucky in the sense that my FI proposed before I moved to go to my Masters program…not in my plans by the way, I think he just wanted to have that done before I moved a plane ride away for 2.5 years.

However, I still completely feel your pain. We’ve now been engaged since October 2011…I’ve seen many people get engaged and married in that time, and yeah, it SUCKS. I still get that inadvertent twinge of jealousy when I see someone get engaged, because up until about a month ago, those people were probably going to get married before us!

Also, I just want to say that now that I am finishing my program (congrats to you as well!!) and moving to be with him (I think permanently, but there are still a lot of things up in the air on the job front) it all has been worth it. We have grown so much as individuals, and are really ready to start working for our future together.

Totally off-topic, but FI is from Charleston, and that’s where we are getting married! 🙂

Post # 8
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@SilvanArrow:  Ugh…i remember what that was like. No fun. 🙁

When my husband and I were dating, we spent our first 2 years apart. He lived in Ireland and me in the states. He had to miss my college graduation and the holidays were always hard. 🙁 

Spend extra time with family and friends and try and take care of yourself. xo 

Post # 9
Member
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

@SilvanArrow:  

Yup. It can really really suck. The facebook announcements, the couples who have dated only six months and are engaged (while you’ve been going on 3 or 4 years….). I find that it has taken me a lot of effort to be happy for other people who are getting engaged or married now. But I’m still trying to make the effort.

What really bugs me though is the “post-Holiday hand check”. You know, when your well-meaning (or incredibly nosy friend and family members) grab your left hand soon after Christmas to inspect it. Happened to me three times last year. :/

Post # 11
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@SilvanArrow:  Oh, I know!
Facebook can be nice, but also, reallly annoying!
I have changed my settings on some people in the past, so I don’t get to see their updates in my feed. It might be silly (and I sometimes feel bad for doing it), but it does give you a little more peace and quiet.

And not being able to be with the person you want to be with right now is hard, but it makes you thankful for the times you do have together!

My point is, you know you have found “the one”. (a lot of people would be very jealous of that!)
I understand it’s really hard being genuinely happy for other people, and it might not be a perfect situation, but try to enjoy the people you do have around you (like your parents, this might be the last holiday season you spend with them while living at home), and miss your boyfriend! It’s a good thing! (if you didn’t miss him, I’d be worried Wink)

I second the idea of doing volunteer work.
I’ve always had the best times whilst doing volunteer work! (and it keeps you nice and busy)
It makes you feel good about yourself, it doesn’t cost you money, you are helping other people/animals (so they feel better too!) and you have less time to get lost in any Facebook rabbit-holes!

And when people ask if you got engaged, or take your hand to have a look,  you couls just say something like : “Nope, not yet!” and move on to an other subject (like how their Christmas was, people often like talking about themselves).
That SO’s adoptive grandmother assumed you were engaged is very sweet!
I think that symbolizes that she sees you two as belonging together, engaged, married or not!

Remember; things will change!

Have a great holiday!

Post # 13
Member
703 posts
Busy bee

@SilvanArrow:  I feel your pain! I just did a friend cull on Facebook! I went from 300+ “friends” to just 80! I just kept family and my actual friends! It’s so much nicer logging on now I actually see the ppl I want to see and if any of those 80 ppl got engaged I’d be genuinely happy! I didn’t do the friend cull because of engagements it was just in general what ppl put up there can make you question yourself and really we don’t know the full ins and outs of their lives! They only put up there what they want to portray! I live away from family and friends so I still love Facebook for keeping in touch with buy I got rid of all the acquintance brag bookers!

 

Post # 16
Member
265 posts
Helper bee

I’m with everyone else here.  You have to surround yourself with friends.  My SO was only gone about a month last year, but that felt like an eternity to me.  The only way that I got through that time was by doing a lot of stuff with my family and my friends.  I went to the movies with them, went shopping, etc.  I know what you’re saying about money being tight.  There are economical choices.  Simply go window shopping!  I do that all the time.

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