Post # 1
How do you know if someone is worth the pain? I only see my man once a week and we never get to see each other or do anything during the week. This becomes problematic overtime because even after 3 1/2 years together, that time adds up. I mean I have friends but they are all busy and I want to go drinking tonight, but, I’m sick of having to sit alone and turn away any guy that hits on me. Not because I want their attention or anything, but that I have to sit there alone and say that I have a bf, (with whom I feel like is a ghost).
I’m just frustrated right now, I feel like, what good is having a boyfriend when he isn’t even around, when I can’t do anything with him the majority of the time. Its not like I pine over him, I go to school, work on weekends and have an internship, so on the few times I do go out or want to do something, I just wish it didn’t have to be so lonely or that I have someone to do those things with. Isn’t that what a boyfriend is for?
How do you know if all this pain is with it? Does it get any better overtime?
Disclaimer* Military women that scoff and say, well, we do it for longer…. How for the love of Jebus do you get through it?
Post # 3
You get through it just knowing that it’s temporary. I don’t think I could continue in a long-distance relationship unless I KNEW that at some point (and have an actual timeframe) that we’d close the gap. Be it, a couple month, or 2+ years, I’d need to know that we have a timeframe for this.
Only you can decide if it’s worth it.
Post # 4
I’ve been doing it for almost 3 years, and we get to see each other hopefully every month for a weekend. In may this all ends and in October we get married. It’s not easy. I sometimes think the same things as you (minus the guys hitting on me part, I gladly tell anyone who cares that I’m engaged). But sometimes it gets old. I don’t wanna spend my weekends with girl friends. I want to spend my weekends with him and our friends. I don’t know your timeline but setting a goal really helps it go by quickly.
Post # 5
Sweetie, I do know how I handle my FI being away and being in the military? I handle it because he is a good man with strong morales and values that match my own. He is a loving and caring man who treats me like a queen and all he wants to do is give me a life that I have only read about.
I am proud to call him my FI because he has a strong committment to country and family. I would be lying if I tell you that I havent had my days when I didnt think I would see him again but by God’s grace he made a full recovery.
Military FI’s and wives know going in what the risk are and we choose to standby them because they are men who deserve to have someone in their corner who will be their to support them in good or bad times.
It all starts with deciding in your mind that you can handle it. Yes, you miss them but you have to determine if it is worth it for you. Will your love be enough to substain you while he is away? Can you imagine your life without him? If you answer these questions then find a way to occupy yourself with friends, journals, skype, and instant messenger.
BIG HUG SWEETIE, I KNOW IT IS HARD
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2013 - The Skinner Barn
@Livelifeveryday: My fiance and I have been together for 4 years…3.5 long distance thanks to the Army. At first he was only 5 hours away so I would see him once a month. Now he’s an 18 hour plane ride away and we only see each other every 6-9 months. Sometimes I take a calendar and count how many days we have been able to actually spend together in the last 4 years, but that doesn’t help anyone. It just hurts.
I’ve had to deal with a million parties and weddings that I’ve attended alone. Some of the friends coming to my wedding haven’t seen my fiance in 3.5 years. It’s like being engaged to a phantom. The worst is coming home to your empty bed. It gets very lonely. Skype is nice and all, but it doesn’t even compare.
Post # 7
This. Being with a man in the military for over 3 years now (the majority of our 4+ year relationship so far) has been indescribably taxing, but worth it – situations like these will make or break a relationship, and if it makes it, it will be so much stronger in the long run.
Cherish your once a week, @Livelifeveryday If he’s worth it, he’s worth it. Only you can decide. Do the happy moments together outweigh the sad and lonely moments?
Post # 8
@Becs: I agree it is very taxing because I have had a tough time with him coming home. He is in Afghainstan and they are not sending men there they are only sending them home so given his position he has had his tour extended. We had to postpone the wedding because we have no idea at this point.
This the toughest think I have ever done. So I can totally agree with your feelings.
Post # 9
because I’d rather have sometime with him then no time with him…
Post # 10
@FutureMrsWeston: I can totally relate. My FI is in the military (navy) and I am in NJ and he is about an hour outside of Seattle.
Post # 11
We did it for 4 years whilst we were at university after two years of being together at home, and saw each other once a fortnight usually, sometimes it would be three or four weeks during exam periods. The middle two years were the easiest; the first was certainly the hardest and whilst the last year was hard too, we were super busy so it flew by and we were then on the home stretch for moving back home. We saw it as a means to an end… that sacrifice has meant we now have degrees, are working/ training and moving forward with things now.
Try not to wish the time away, because that’s time you won’t get back. I know it can be frustrating; there were times where I would be angry at the situation, when I needed him but he was over the other side of the country. We ensured that we spoke every day if we could, but also made sure that we enjoyed having an independent life too.
All the best =)
Post # 12
I think if you’re questioning whether he is worth it, that’s a sign you need to take a step back and evaluate if this relationship is what you want. I’m currently in a long distance with my boyfriend, and while it’s REALLY hard and I get so lonely, I never think it’s not worth it because I know there’s nobody else I want more.
However, I also have an end date to the distance – we’re moving in together at the end of May. Perhaps it’s time to talk about what you two could do to close the distance and end the long distance part of your relationship?
Post # 13
Perhaps it’s time to talk about what you two could do to close the distance and end the long distance part of your relationship?
I think saying “worth it” was a poor choice of words on my end, because I would never leave my man. But its just been extremely frustrating, what I meant was how do you know if all the distance, the time spent away from each other, in the end, is worth the pain? I’m a college student and we only see each other once a week or every two weeks and ending that distance doesn’t seem feasable for quite awhile. I will update more soon.
Post # 14
@Livelifeveryday: I know what you mean and I think it is important for you to actually ask this question. Is he worth it? Is long distance worth it? We can’t really know – unfortunately there are no standard criteria – that is a subjective question that you can only answer.
One thing that has stood out in making this decision for me, however, is, are you taking good care of yourself? Is being in this relationship healthy for you right now? Is being long distance something you have the capacity to do while also still nurturing yourself and giving yourself space to grow at the same time? Is this relationship helping you grow or holding you back? Remember YOU are the only one that takes care of you.
I think anyone who is posting in this particular board knows that LDR is no joke. It is a bunch harder than having a “normal” relationship, isn’t it? So you really have to be in a good place with some emotional reserve in order for you to make it as well as your relationship – it can’t run on empty.
It sounds like you were in a rough spot when you posted last week. I know it hurts to be away from someone you love even if there isn’t anything you can do about it. I guess one rule of thumb is that when you look at the big picture, overall (this does not mean in a specific moment because sometimes it really HURTS!), you feel happy because you are with this person more than it hurts you that you can’t be together in person all of the time.
Big HUGS!! Hang in there and remember, you come first because otherwise there would be nothing left to give!