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I like how "-phone sex" is in its own little dash.. it's like just screaming "'nuff said."
FI and I were also long distance loved it for many of the same reasons as you.. especially the surprise gifts in the mail.. love letters actually in the mail.. and webcam dates.
We would even plan to go see the same movies at the same time so when we got out we could call each other and talk about them, like you would on a real date..
and by the way.. phone sex.. Enough said. lol =)
We did movie phone dates too!! And when he would come to visit, I would always leave the deadbolt unlocked (he had a key) and he would come early in the morning before I woke up and come straight into my room and curl up in bed with me. It was wonderful!!
:D M and I weren't in a long distance relationship because we weren't in a relationship yet. we met on line and just didn't meet for some strange reason (i think we were both thinking that one or other was crazy). we chatted every day for about nine months and ate dinner while on the phone, sometimes we even worked out while on the phone.
Jocelyn, your FI is so cute, taking a picture of your favorite street!
I, too, love planning for our trips. I get all ready, which feels nice because I slum it the other three weeks of the month! And we do love talking about what we are going to do and planning out fun things. We went on a trip to NYC for our anniversary and it was fantastic!
I really want for us to do movie dates but we are both so busy we haven't made it happen. We do love talking about our favorite TV shows and emailing each other funny videos and stuff.
Wow, i'm a bit jealous here ladies!
My Fiance and I had a LDR for the first 5yrs of our relationship.
We never really did the love letters, well.. I would write to him sometimes, but only once rec'd a letter back. It was the BEST feeling though :) He would try to visit once a month but sometimes that would not go over well financially because he was in school in another state and doing an internship with no real funds coming in. At one point I remember feeling a bit like I was paying him to continue his relationship with me: I paid for his train ticket to come see me, he stayed with me for a weekend where I paid for most things, including meals we had out, or movies, etc. At the end of his visit i would pack a bag of snacks and stuff for him so he'd have extra food if he might need it, and would always drive him to and from the train station. Sometimes during those weekends, i'd have to work all day Saturday or part of a day on Sunday.. i just felt used.. like he was getting every thing including sex! I dunno... fortunately it turned out that those were just some of the bad feelings some ppl get during LDR's. They don't necessarily mean that all the bad feelings we get are all TRUE i guess...?
There really ARE so many difficult things.. esp. trust issues. But I told him that I simply could not wait any longer, he really needed to make up his mind. Just what did he want? And the end result was that he wanted me and everything worked out in the end. :)
Yeah, our LDR hasn't been too bad. Of course it's only Boston-NYC. So 4-5hr drive. Not awful.
I think it's given us the opportunity to get to know each other REALLY REALLY well. And to treasure every moment blah blah blah.
And phone sex. LOL. Seriously though, we have great times together now and can't wait to be together full time, though we kid about moving in together and hating each other. Hopefully this will not happen tee hee.
We were in different states for college for 5 years (started dating at 17, apart for 5 years, same city/different apartments for 1 year, lived together 1.5 years, married for 6 months!). We kept a joint journal for the years we were in college. It's fun to look back on now... I would write in it for a few weeks and when we would see each other he would take it and write in it, etc. I don't remember all of the context of the entries, but I know that on or near December 12, 2002, we had "The Talk". (that's where he wrote something like "Yes, I do intend on marrying you one day.") and there's the entry about the day we'll get to have our first joint christmas tree.
Le sigh.
Oh a journal is so nice - what a wonderful thing to have to look back on! We have emails. And I deleted the one where he asked me to be his girlfriend. Whoops!
maybe that's why M and I are so close? We have sooo many emails and texts etc and I still write him little love letters... but I swear I miss him if he's gone too long from home... maybe it's because we always chatted on the phone so now i love chatting face to face..
The things I enjoyed about my LDR:
-Yahoo games...the FI and I played diff yahoo games and placed small wagers. I used to kick his butt at pool ona regular :)
-Talking, talking, talking...we both had to switch to unlimited plans. We talk on avg 10,000 minutes per month. We know each other inside and out as a result....although sometimes it can be a little uncomfortable to have some one be SO in tune with your emotions
-Movie night - we would order movies or watch the same show at the same time so we could talk abt it during
-Letters, texts, e-mails...my FI travelled a lot on biz during the first year we were together so he would often send me an e-mail or text while I was sleeping so I would have it when I woke up
-Flowers/snacks...he would send flowers just b/c so I would have them at work. I would send him a snack pail from the local florist b/c he is just to manly for flowers =)
-We really know how to make the most of the time we have together. We are only 3 hours apart but with his schedule it may as well be 30 sometimes =) therefore...we have learned to make the most of our time together....we make it count
....having said all of that...I will NOT miss being in a LDR and next month can't get here fast enough....Jamaica and marriage full speed ahead =)
Yay! I love good LDR stories. I've had mine for 6 years and I feel like if we went to that game show on TV we'd kick some serious butt. We have really gotten the chance to know eachother so well.
Thank god for Mobile-to-Mobile minutes and unlimited texts. I have no idea how many minutes/texts we use a month, but thankfully that doesn't matter!
All the letters and fun presents we send eachother in the mail...the day when you receive that in the mail is always a good day. I sent him a huge 2 pound gummi bear on stick, he was so excited to receive that in the mail!
We always have nice dates when he's in town since we only get to do date nights once a month or less.
I won't miss it when it's over but I'm glad we have done this and feel like it made us stronger.
We will be married after almost 4.5 years of long distance love!
We met online playing a game on the zone.com. Neither of us were looking for love & we never thought we'd find our future life partner playing a game called Catan lol. Both of us were in serious relationships, but we found ourselves both single within a few months of each other & we reconnected. 6 months later we met in Seattle & the rest is history!
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I loved getting stuff in the mail! We send each other cards & notes on a weekly basis.
Our webcams have brought our relationship to a new level (nothing dirty!) it's just nice to see his face a couple times a week:)
We sometimes watch tv shows together on the phone... we still have a "date" about once a week for a few hours to catch up. We'll get on the phone, we'll turn on our cams & we'll play games together online.
Phone sex IS essential to an LDR.
We talk a lot more on the phone that we would if we lived close to each other. With most people he's very quiet & doesn't talk about himself... 3 years of LDR has made him come out of his shell. I can honestly say NO ONE knows him like I do.
As strange as it sounds, we've become a lot closer through our distance. :)
@RecessionistaBride: "As strange as it sounds, we've become a lot closer through our distance. :)"
Totally agree!!
I agree that long distance brings you closer. I've actually told FI that I think I will miss the romance of longing to see each other and then those exciting reunions when you can't stop kissing!
We used to have so much fun finding stuff to send to each other.
Once, he wanted to send me old school, Jersey-style Italian cookies. But being a guy, he didn't think about how to send them. He wrapped them in bubble wrap and sent them in an envelope. I got old school, Jersey-style Italian crumbs.
It was awesome.
We were long-distance for 1.5 of our 2+ years together thus far and were friends before that.
I don't really think it brought us closer necessarily but we knew that we really wanted to be together if we were willing to go through that torture of distance. It was torture, even when he moved from a 1000 miles away to a 130 miles away.
Neither of us are phone people so we didn't spend crazy amounts of time on the phone but again, we knew it was special when we didn't realize how long we'd been on the phone with each other.
We did count down to each visit from ridiculous time periods just because it was fun and built up anticipation (not that we needed help with that!).
And yes, fancy dates when we were together because it was so few and far between. One date was going to the Kentucky Derby, another his much younger brother's wedding, meeting his entire family.
I do think the long-distance helped us to not go into shock when we started our relationship as it went slowly and surely. Before we met, our familes worried that we were too independent, workaholic, and not serious about dating. Really, it was that we hadn't met each other!
I guess we weren't the most likely couple to do long-distance. It was torture but we were insanely happy to see each other and to be in the same city now.
We're doing distance too, and our relationship started out that way - literally day three of our relationship, he got on a plane and flew around the world, away from me.
For us, the biggest benefit has definitely been the intentionality that has come in our relationship. We are both very settled into the lives we're in, and neither is willing to give that up easiliy. We've also both been in long term, committed relationships in the past. And we've been really good friends for 8 years, half of which time J had growing feelings for me.
I wasn't looking for a relationship when he came here to pursue me, but you can't help love. It took me 5 days to answer him when he asked me to date him though, because I wasn't willing to start dating him (or anyone) flippantly - it had to be about marriage, not just dating, and he had to be willing to work with/around my time here in China. J was willing to offer me both of those things, and so we have been so intentional from day one.
We already knew each other super well, and neither of us are really phone people, plus we only get to talk once a week, so that aspect of our LDR is a bit different than many of you. I seriously envy that you get to spend hours upon hours on the phone with your guy. We can't even watch movies together because of the time difference, and how busy he is. The few hours each weekend where our time zones line up so we're both awake, we just want to spend talking about our weeks, and what we're going through.
We went from practically living with each other at university to not seeing each other for 3 weeks. It was tough to get used to. in July 2007 he moved back home, and I moved to be with my aunty - both due to do work we needed to do after uni full time. 200 miles apart - spending most of the convo saying that we loved/missed each other, on minimum wage so it was difficult to travel.
We send each other funny links we'd seen online (still do, www.todaysbigthing.com is a popular choice), on month 'anniversaries' as I'd miss him more I'd send him a card with some sort of cute looking ape or penguin on telling him how much I loved him. He'd treat me whenever we did see each other. I'd save newspaper clippings for him to look at of stuff he'd like.
Last year I moved back home, now we're 90 miles away. A lot closer, can see him every weekend (before it could easily be 3-4 weeks. we'd be so sad counting down because it felt like forever). I make an effort with my hair and make-up, sometimes surprise him witha pic 'n' mix.
One time I got really dressed up. I put on a little black dress, heels, make-up the works. He arrived to pick me up, dressed the scruffiest I'd ever seen him. The next day when I put my normal clothes on, I couldn't find my jeans anywhere. I'd forgotten to pack them! I ended up borrowing his mum's jeans, thankfully we were the same size. I felt such an idiot!
Although we'd rather be together, we haven't had that many rough moments during our time apart. If it has been 'bad' we've normally been very tired and down and just ended up sobbing messes on the phone. We've never really had a bad arguement, and we've never come even close to breaking up. I think that's going some. I know of friends who struggled to make it last post university without moving in together.
Being with him is just easy, no matter how long the timeframe is, when we're back together again we just slot perfectly back into each other's lives. The longer we get to spend together, the worse we are for the aftermath getting used to being apart again.
11 months til we can be together permanently :D woooooooooo
Aw, y'all have such cute stories! Here's mine: M was in the Army and was deployed in Iraq. I was his penpal - I got his address from a site that gave soldier's addresses so you could send care packages, write letters of support, etc. I wrote him a letter, giving him my Yahoo and AIM screen names if he was ever online, and it just kind of developed from there. I wrote him every week, sent him care packages and little things that I thought he'd like.
When he was in Kuwait, he called me every morning at 4 am my time, when he got off of work, and we'd talk for at least two hours. (He even turned down going to see Scarlette Johannson at a USO show to talk to me!!) He and his buddies made up little songs about me and sang them for me over the phone, and I recorded a CD of me singing my favorite songs to send to him.
He came and visited me when he was on block leave, and well, the rest is history 
I love how we met, because I was able to really get to know him. I was able to get to know him on a personal, intellectual level, rather than a physical level (which is what most of the relationships girls I know is based on). When I met him at the airport, the first time seeing him in person, it was like I hadn't seen him in so long, and that I'd known him forever
I really agree with what Joclyn said - my LDR wasn't terrible and tumultuous and angst ridden. We missed each other terribly, but it was actually kind of easy.
I'd say the benifits were:
-The blissful times when we did get to see each other ever 2 months. We'd plan for and take advantage of every single minute. They were the most perfect trips ever.
-Getting to know each other really well since we had to spend so much time talking/emailing rather than kissing. Which I much rather would have been doing.
-The occasional letter/CD/present in the mail. For some reason having something that the other person has actually touched makes it so special, even when you can video chat.
-When he FINALLY got his webcam working and I could see his pretty face. I mean handsome.
-The preservation of that "new relationship" feeling for more than a year. Of course there are downsides to that, but it's a pretty special feeling.
Boy and I were long distance for 3 years whilst I was at uni (well...sort of....100 miles is a long way on student funds!!). I honestly don't think I'd have made it if it weren't for him! (but don't tell him that!!)
The good things:
-Surprise visits. Coming back from lectures to find his car outside halls. :) or His reaction when I surprised him by coming home. I once turned up at his work on valentines day - it just wouldn't be the same now it's a 13 mile trip!!
-Real paper letters in the mail. Especially when they smelled of his aftershave, or his clean clothes!
--The anticipation on the day I'd get to see him. Waking up in the morning, thinking 'this is the day' to almost walking on air to the train station to pick him up.
-Oddly, I miss saying goodbye and crying together - we'd think about when we'd be seing each other again. I used to walk him to the car, then walk back to my room and wave from the window - he'd wait to make sure I got back safely. Once, he left a little ceramic bear with an "i miss u" tee shirt on, on my window ledge and closed the curtains, so I'd find it when I waved goodnight.
-Most importantly, all the time we spent chatting on the phone, on the computer meant we got to know each other inside out, and I can't speak for him, but I know me having him as a constant through those three years helped me learn alot about myself.
As much as I thought I hated not being able to see him when I wanted, when I look back, I don't think I'd have it any other way.
Me and my DF were together for the first 3 years, but we are LD now. He joined the military and got stationed 800 miles away from me. We see each other about... once every 3-4 months.
Our webcams are our lifelines. We try to talk for at least a little bit every night. I wake up every morning to a "good morning" text on my phone. We live for planning our visits.
December 19th! lol. Thats when I get to see him next.
THE END! Lol. But really....the best part of our LDR relationship is that I was able to discover myself in addition to him...if that makes sense. I learned who I was, separate from my husband. It makes me more independent, more stable, and more of a "grown up" i think (less dependent on him to take care of me, more capable of handling day to day stuff w/o calling to ask for his opinion) than if we were always togehter.
i learn not to take him for granted
And that yes, even if you don't see someone for 8 months, if you spend 24/7 around them for 2 weeks, they'll drive you crazy =]
I need my me time, haha.
FI and I lived in the same building when we met and were inseparable from the start but a little over a year in he had to be away for two months and it was really tough (around the holidays too) but I have to admit I loved the phone calls and letter writing and it's cool to have all the letters to look back on for years to come. That said, I never want him away from me again ;-)
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Inspired by our conversation (I don't want to hijack the Precious thread)
I have seen so many of my friends in torturous long distance relationships. Trust issues, no end in sight, etc.
I had so much fun falling in love long distance. The phone calls, the virtual dates, the surprise gifts in the mail. It was never hard. I guess when it is right, it is just right.
Share your fun LDR stories!
- There is a street where I grew up that I loved in the fall. He drove down it and took photos to send to me so I wouldn't be homesick.
- We used to have movie phone dates where we would watch the same movie in our own homes.
- Planning our visits. I would spend days picking out my outfits and choosing the restaurants we would go to. I got to do so much touristy stuff in my own town that I never would have otherwise done.
- Phone sex.