Weddingbee boards

Hello LDR Bees,

DH and I were married last year and 3 weeks before our 1 year anniversary his job moved him away. Technically he's only 2 hours by train but we both have busy schedules so seing each other every weekend is not realistic. So far we're about 9 weeks in and it has been more challenging than either of us imagined (2 hours seemed like not a big deal). We've never been long distance in the past either with each other or in other relaitonships. In fact, I moved from the US to Europe to avoid a LDR. Realistically, I have a job here with a contract until summer 2012 at which point I plan to move to him and search for a new job. However, I recently found out about, applied and interviewed for a job that would keep me in my current location and mean we would be LDR for the next 2 years. On the plus side, if I get this job, it would be great for my career and we would both work for the same company so any future relocations would be done together. I kind of feel that being apart for 3 years instead of 1 is not a huge difference but I realize it is. So, has anyone done he LDR thing for 3+ years? I'm in need of some real words of wisdom on this, is 2 years apart worth it for a career jump start and a future of relocations together? If it helps, we've been together for 5 years, lived together for just over 4 of them and been married just over a year now. I appriciate any feedback from those of you who have done LDR, specifically LDM. Thanks!

Thanks for the encouragement. Unfortunately, living in the middle is not really an option. For several reasons, the least of which being I don't have a car so I rely on public transportation and that would add over 3 hours each day to my commute. Also, the commute is longer by car as there is often quite a bit of traffic. We would both have jobs that require working 10 or so hours per day so commuting time needs to be minimal. More importantly there would be tax issues if he were to live across the boarder which would be the only middle ground so that rules out living together.

@Lemma: kids would be postponed until we live together without a question. 

we've been long distance for 2 years and were married last month! currently we see each other about 2 days a month as we live 10 hours away from each other. we're working to minimize the gap now (aka i'm trying to find a new job) but it's definitely doable and i would not move until i had another job secured.

@Lemma: It's a valid point but kind of a non-issue at the moment as I wanted to wait 2-3 years for kids anyway so when he took this new job, we knew it would be more of a 3-4 year wait and we are not in arush. I also want to establish myself in a career and waiting 3-4 years helps me there as well. There is absolutely no pressure to have children from either of our families at this point either so it's a decision we can make without outside influence and be happy about. Thank you for bringing this up though, I agree it is a key thing to consider.

DH and I are in an LDR.  It's not ideal, but it is what it is and we make it work.  Our way of thinking is that this is just for a brief period and it's a way for us to make a better future for ourselves and our future kids.

Skype, texting, emails, and visits help, but the biggest thing I've learned is that you HAVE to be flexible and understanding.  Distance tends to make you more emotional, more prone to misunderstandings, and fights are more common.  

We've found that we must give each other the benefit of the doubt before getting irritated or angry with each other.  For example, if I have been texting DH and he doesn't get back to me, I could get irritated with him, but I try to assume that he stayed late at school or his phone died, etc, until I learn otherwise.  It saves a lot of unnecessary stress and keeps your faith in each other strong.

I know you and your DH are already in your LDR, but you should make a pro/con list and have some serious talks about your expectations (how much will you talk, when will you visit, how will you handle finances from a distance, is phone/skype sex a possibility, etc) and go from there.  It's possible to be married and be in an LDR, in fact, I think it gives me more security than before when we were dating because I know DH is stuck with me. ;-)