Long Distance Relationship Move with Kids/Blend Family?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1531 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Does your ex live in California?  Does she have parental rights?  Do you really think the courts will allow you to take kids and move to Atlanta?  There are schools in California.  I get it that you dont like that your ex had an affair, I would be furious too.  Consult an attorney, but I find this highly unlikely.

As to your fiance loving your kids as her own, I dont see how anyone can knowningly say that, given she lives in Atlanta, and you in California.  What has she done, spent a few weekends with them?  And on that, you think the courts should let uproot your kids? 


I wish you the best, but you need a lawyer.  You also might want to check out some board for stepparents, about conflict between SMs and teenage girls.

Post # 5
906 posts
Busy bee

I know how your feeling. I am a 22 year old girl and I have moved around a lot. Let tell you a story. My family and I lived in Michigan for 14 years and due to the economy getting bad and the possiblity of my dad losing his job, my parents decided to move our family(my mom, my dad, my sister and I)to Virginia. My sister didn’t want to move to Virginia and wasn’t happy wirj my mom about it. I wasn’t happy at first but I learned to accept it. Anyways my mom sort of told my sister that she had to at least try and live in Virginia for a year. (She was a junior at the time). But after living in Virginia for a year which my mom wanted her to do, she still wanted to go to Michigan for her senior year and my parents decided to let her spend her senior year in Michigan, we eventually moved out of Virginia and moved to Iowa and I myself have partially lived in three places in Iowa. My sister moved there after high school graduation And she really likes Iowa. My sister back in the day was afraid of change and as she got older she kept her options open. I on the otherhand really liked va and Iowa and as I moved around a lot I learn new things about certain places and different United States pop culture. I adjusted easily. My sister went to community college for her associates degree but went to Michigan for her bachelors and when she moved to Iowa during her Uni years, she realized that Michigan isn’t for her anymore. 

I know your ex(your kids mom) lives in calfornia and I know you don’t want to take the kids away from their mom but you really aren’t. If your kid is not sure about moving then here’s I would suggest. I would suggest to your daughter or both daughters to live and try atlanta for a year and see if they like it. after living there for a year and they like it a lot, then maybe suggest to your ex wife that she has the kids during the summer, and you and your girlfriend have them during the school year. If one or both kids don’t like atlanta then maybe you have then during the summer and your ex wife has them during the school year. Either way I think you moving to atlanta will be good for you and not only you will be with your gf and her kids but it will be a better life there since calfornia is so expensive to live. Well I hope this helps. Best of wishes. 

Post # 6
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@surfd:  I’m not sure I would uproot my life or my kids lives for a woman who is worried about hurting her ex-husbands feelings with a new relationship. One would think if he wanted her to remain faithful to him or not bring any other men into their son’s lives, he would have stayed married to her? 

How much time have the two of you actually spent together? As in, each others physical presence? In the presence of one anothers children? 

Post # 7
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Living away from a parent creates more resentment and anger in the kids than you could EVER imagine. If you think things are bad with your ex now, they will definitely get worse if you move. I’m not current on the visitation laws right now, but from what I understand, you can’t move if your ex still wants to see your kids – regardless of them wanting to move. They’re not 18 and usually the courts don’t let kids make decisions like that for themselves. If your ex is still being a good parent to them, then they won’t let you go without her expressed consent. 

My dad moved away to Florida when I was 14, and my younger brothers were 12 and 9. Not one of us kids survived the shitstorm that followed for years to come; it affected each of us and we’re all still learning to deal with the emotional harm it caused. While it’s not the same situation, I ask you to consider what is 100% best for your two girls. I know, I know, it sucks — you should be happy, too… but your girls’ lives and best interests should always be first. 

Post # 8
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

IMO, unless the ex is abusive and a danger to you and/or the children, then you don’t move them away from their other parent. 

Post # 9
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I suggest leaving it a bit longer to move, either with, or without your children. I know it is difficult being apart from the person you love. I had the same problem with my fiance. We will be getting married after being a relationship for seven years. He didn’t ask me to marry until he was sure that his children were old enough to live mostly with their mother, as we live in different parts of Sydney. When we get married, his children will be 19 and 16.

Had we married sooner, his younger child would have had to live full time with one of us. Living full time with me would not have worked, as I felt he needed more discipline. Living full time with the ex wife would not have worked, as my fiance would have felt guilty, and that he was putting our needs ahead of his child’s.

It has been a strain on our relationship, being apart so much. But it was ultimately the right decision for us.

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